


To Be Alone (With You)

by dizzycalm



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-14
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:18:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzycalm/pseuds/dizzycalm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU set in modern time. Charles and Erik meet as kids. They grow up, discover their powers together, and eventually fall in love... though one is more opposed to the idea than the other. Erik wants what he can't have and Charles is terrified of being like his mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Erik was twelve years old when he first met Charles Xavier. It was winter of 1999 in Westchester, and the lake behind the woods in the back of Erik’s aunt’s house was frozen over… or so he thought. Erik left his aunt in her bed to go out and ice-skate in his brand new running shoes his aunt had worked hard to buy for him. He remembers a time when he had his own skates that were worn black leather, and how he would slide across the ice with his hand firmly clasped within his mother’s. His father would be standing far away from the ice cheering him on; his father was a horrible klutz and had gotten tired of the constant bruises and aching backs he would receive trying to skate with his son. His wife, though, was like a snow angel, twirling with her long brown hair flowing in the cold air. Erik would give anything to see her once more like that… so beautiful and the look on his father’s face while watching… so loved. 

 

That was three years ago, in Germany, back before the fire that had trapped his mother inside and had sent his father running in to rescue her. Ten year old Erik had been left standing barefoot in the cold grass, waiting signs of his parents reappearing, but none came. When the roof came crashing down engulfing everything below in a cloud of fire, Erik ran to the front door. If it hadn’t been for his neighbor, Erik would have easily joined his mother and father. The neighbor was an elderly man, and so for him to overpower a ten year old with his heart set on entering a burning building took all of his energy and effort. Erik thrashed about violently, clawed at the hands that grabbed his arms, screamed himself hoarse.

 

Even wrapped up in his neighbor’s arms he still tried helplessly to get down by throwing his head, trying to get whoever was behind off. He screamed until nothing was left. Erik had expected to hear his parents voices calling back, but was only met with the harsh sounds of a fire consuming all that he had ever known as a home and a family. It was only after the house came crashing down did the firefighters show up, since they lived in the poorer part of town and nobody really rushed to get there. They blamed Erik’s family’s lack of fire alarm for the death of his parents instead of the reaction time. The next week his aunt, whom he had only known from photographs, had sent for him to come live with her in New York.

 

His aunt was a hardworking redhead named Nina. She was constantly out the door to one of her many jobs trying to prove to herself (and most importantly her parents) that she could survive on her own. Erik’s grandparents had died before he could even form proper memories of them, but Nina still felt that drive to prove them wrong. Nina cared for Erik, but she didn’t love him and he could tell. They were practically strangers. She often would look upon her nephew with pity in her eyes, setting Erik’s teeth on edge. He didn’t want to be pitied, he wanted to be loved. She was also constantly reminding him of how expensive it was raising a growing boy, and how much harder their life would be now, even though Erik had already learned how difficult it was. He had often felt like a burden to his parents who worked so hard to clothe and feed him. They had struggled trying to give Erik everything he needed because of the love they had for their son; Nina hadn’t asked for the added expensive of a child. The brand new shoes on his feet were, “The cost of my grocery bill when I was living alone!”

 

Erik had no idea how many jobs his aunt actually worked, but he knew he was often left to entertain himself and he liked it that way. He would rather go and do as he pleased freely, instead of Nina watching him like a hawk, thinking he was about to have another crying fit at any moment; the first had happened a few hours after he arrived at Nina’s house. Erik couldn’t hold back the longing he felt for his own home and his parents. The sobs couldn’t be controlled, even though Erik tried hard to swallow them down. Nina had just stood there, awkwardly patting him on the back with a, “There there.” Erik liked being alone and not having to guard his emotions so closely. Nina liked leaving him alone to work through his own feelings, instead of standing around awkwardly ready to comfort at any moment. Her three jobs helped keep her out of his way and free from the cramped house. 

 

Erik often leaves the house late at night; he won’t think of it as sneaking out since nobody has ever told him he wasn’t allowed. That line of thinking keeps his mind free of guilt as he takes walks up and down their street, climbs up an old tree in the yard to watch the bats zoom by, or sit on the edge of the massive lake whenever sleep evades him. 

 

This particular night, Erik feels the ice calling to him as he makes his way through the woods behind their tiny two bedroom house. The house doesn’t look too bad in the moonlight when you aren’t able to see the peeling green paint, crumbling cement steps, or screen door that is missing the screen. He runs through the dense woods until the view of his house is gone, his footsteps are sure and steady as he jumps over fallen trees and dead branches. The massive frozen lake comes into view, and Erik is thankful the darkness hides the mansion on the other side; he always feels like the massive structure is watching him. Erik hurries down to the edge of the lake to immediately set out on what he’s been planning all day. The brand new running shoes he puts on for this adventure feel awkward against the dark ice underneath his feet. The flat bottoms with grooves meant for catching on pavement have no traction on the ice; his feet are unsteady unlike how they would be in ice-skates.

 

He takes great care as he first slides out a few feet from the shore, but it doesn’t take long at all for his confidence to build along with his speed. Breathing deeply with his eyes closed, Erik tries to recall the memories of his mother skating. He smiles to himself as he goes further away from bank with his eyes still squeezed shut, trying his hardest to conjure visions of dark brown hair waving in the wind and a soft, masculine laugh far away from them where his father would be watching. He slides his running shoes faster and faster, causing the bitter wind to shock him through his black turtleneck, but he shakes it off and tries to spin like before. Sadly, without skates it’s almost impossible to accomplish gracefully and his feet slip out from under him causing him to smash hard into the ice.

 

His eyes are jerked open as he meets the ice with a grunt as he continues to slide to the middle of the lake. He’s landed on his back with his feet in the air and the panic suddenly crushes into him when he realizes the ice is thinner in the middle. He is still sliding without anything to grab on to but doesn’t cry out for help, because he knows he is alone. His mother isn’t holding his hand and his father isn’t watching from the sidelines.

 

Erik brings his foot down forcefully trying to reduce speed which only results in a deep crack forming underneath his shoe. His eyes follow the crack as it spreads out quickly before him, racing him to the middle and branching out on all sides until it surrounds him. The loud crunching of destroyed ice meets his ears. The sound gets louder, and suddenly he is plunged into the icy cold, black water down below. He cries out too late causing freezing water to rush into his lungs. His eyes are wide open and his limbs are flailing out trying to remember how to swim, but the shock of the water dulls his reactions. He feels one of his shoes slipping off his feet into the darkness, and a calming yet worried voice says something he can’t quite make out inside his head. _Mamma!_ He looks around trying to find her. _Help me, Mamma!_

 

There’s a glowing light in the water below calling to him, Erik is frightened and doesn’t know which way is up, but certainly his Mamma wouldn’t lead him astray. He’ll go to her, she’ll save him, and they’ll be a family again. Erik makes a move to go further into the water, but there’s a push to his back as if somebody has jumped in, and a thin yet persistent arm is wrapped around his chest- the light vanishes as he’s tugged upwards. He immediately fights against the arm that’s keeping him from going deeper, but the freezing water makes his movements sluggish and his muscles weak. Another thin arm joins in the battle to keep dragging him upwards, until his head breaks the surface, and air rushes into his lungs with a sharp gasp, followed by coughing.

 

Erik gets pushed up onto the ice and lays there, face down against the coldness with a sudden urge to cry. There’s a boy next to him pushing him onto his back. 

 

“Why were you trying to swim away?” the boy cries out, trying to sit him upright.

 

“I thought I was alone out here.” Erik stares up into incredibly blue eyes.

 

“You are not alone.” The blue eyed boy’s face is flushed. “Can you stand?” 

 

The boy’s soft accent comforts Erik and reminds him of the brief time his family spent in England when he was about six. The boy doesn’t wait for Erik’s answer and decides to pull him up, even though Erik is taller with broader shoulders where the boy is shorter with a slender frame.

 

“I can stand.” Erik immediately proves himself wrong when his legs cramp up and he leans heavily into the smaller boy.

 

“My house is just over there… we need to get dry.”

 

In the dark, Erik doesn’t see the mansion that’s across the lake from the woods, or the myriad empty vodka bottles in the kitchen they pass through up to the nameless boy’s room.

 

“My name is Erik.” His teeth chatter noisily, but he feels he has to introduce him if he’s being invited into the other’s home. Risk of hypothermia or not, his father has taught him to always be polite.

 

“I’m Charles. Please don’t call me, Charlie.” The red-faced, blue-eyed Charles smiles at him crookedly and something strange happens inside Erik’s chest. The homesickness that has plagued him for the past two years is suddenly gone.

 

 

The next morning Charles wakes up with Erik’s back pressed against his own back, facing the wall. He must have rolled over and smashed the poor boy in his sleep, because there is hardly any space between Erik’s face, the wall, and Charles’s back. His bed is a queen size, and Charles moves around a lot in his sleep. His dreams are so realistic he’ll end up waking himself up by fighting off an attacker, or his body would jerk from some dream blow to his stomach. He wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep afterwards. These dreams come less often when his step-father and step-brother are away like they are now.

 

When Charles was eight years old, his mother, Sharon, married Kurt Marko. Kurt was close friends with his father, a nuclear scientist who died in a car accident along with Kurt’s wife, Angela Marko. He brought along to the marriage not only his son, Cain, but also his gambling habits, and his many mistresses that he likes to talk openly about to his wife. This only gives Sharon an excuse to binge drink and fly all over the world, chasing after Kurt on his lengthy “business trips” which mostly consist of him spending money on “business expenses” where he teaches his son how to be a “man”. Charles can only describe Kurt’s work as wandering around the world making promises to desperate businessmen and lovelorn women. The promises may lead them to more money where Kurt gets sixty percent of the profits, and other times it leads to unwanted pregnancy. If Charles sounds bitter when people ask what his step-father does for a living, it’s because he is. Charles grits his teeth and says, “He’s an entrepreneur.” Which is what Kurt calls it in polite company. 

 

Charles doesn’t understand why, but Sharon desperately loves his step-father. She begs him to never leave her, and is constantly throwing herself at him in public to get his attention. Sometimes his mother comes to his room late at night to talk about her and Kurt’s relationship issues. They mostly consist of, “I love him, but he doesn’t want me”, “I want him to love me more”, “I need his attention”, “He says he loves me, but I want him to show me”, “I adore him more than anything in this world”, “I’d rather die than lose him.”

 

Charles hates Kurt. He hates how he makes sure his mother is stocked up on her favorite alcohol before going on an extended business trip. He hates how Kurt looks the other way when Cain’s fist tears open his flesh or his foot crushes his abdomen. He hates how he puts down his father in front of him so easily and he hates how much his mother loves him. It terrifies him to think somebody could love so blindly and never wants to feel that way.

 

Charles’s skin feels overheated from where they’re lying back to back. It’s amazing how much heat Erik started generating after getting warmed up. Charles rolls to over on his back to look over at his new friend. Erik is indeed going to be his friend; he likes the look about him. He likes that when Erik smiles, because it feels like everything is going to be okay. This boy who tries to look so intimidating yet is so agonizingly sad can actually brighten up for a moment and smile, showing all his teeth. Shouldn’t Charles be able to do the same?  
Charles has noticed lately that he can tell how somebody is generally feeling. He knows when his mother is sober enough to carry a conversation from a block away if he concentrates hard enough. He can linger around the lake behind his house if he feels the presence of Cain or Kurt at home. He could feel the sadness rolling off Erik at the lake.

 

He had a dream earlier that night where he stood at the edge of a lake far away from his home. He was next to an older man who looked out across the frozen water at a young boy and a beautiful woman with long dark hair. She was spinning him around in circles while the boy giggled and waved to his Papa. When he jerked awake he wasn’t in his bed anymore, but outside his backdoor. Erik’s pain and distress from the middle of the lake came at him in waves making it hard to breathe. Later, he felt Erik’s happiness when they exchanged names, and his contentment at just staying up talking about comic books until their teeth stopped chattering. Charles wants to know where Erik’s pain and anguish came from and why it went away so suddenly. He’s never felt emotions as strongly as Erik’s feels them. He wants to know everything about the other boy and tell him all his secrets. He wants a friend.

 

“I’ve never had an actual friend before,” Charles explains when Erik has woken up and eaten some toast Charles made him. They are sitting on the floor in Charles’s room. “Will you be my friend?”

 

“My aunt worked so hard for these shoes.” Erik is picking at his one remaining shoe not meeting Charles’s eyes. “I wasn’t supposed to wear them until school started.” 

 

Charles takes the shoe away from Erik’s grasp forcing the boy to look up at him. “I’ll buy you new ones!” He tries smiling brightly at Erik to get a reaction out of him.

 

“Why would you do that?” Instead of looking pleased, Erik looks upset and grabs his shoe back. His German accent is thick when upset.

 

“We’ll be friends… and friends do anything for each other, right?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve never had one either.” Erik is again staring at his shoe.

 

“So we’ll figure it out as we go along. Please, be my friend.” Charles hasn’t begged for anything in his life. Well maybe for his mother to stop after the first bottle of vodka or Cain to soften his punches. Charles suddenly feels he’s making a fool of himself by Erik’s still disapproving scowl.

 

“Don’t buy me shoes and I’ll be your friend. Don’t pity me.” Charles feels how strongly Erik hates being pitied.

 

“Oh Erik, I would never pity you… my friend.” Erik’s smile is just as bright as Charles’s own. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Three months later**

  
Erik and Charles are inseparable. They talk and share their deepest thoughts and wishes like they’ve known each other all their lives. They know almost everything about one another, from their favorite color to the one thing they want the most in the world. Erik wants a family of his own one day and to name his children after his parents. Charles wants to be a smarter man that his father was and for Kurt to make his mother happy for once.

“I just want them to be happy and love each other like you say your parents did… that would make her not drink so much.” This particular day they are both on the floor of Erik’s small bedroom. There is only enough room for a small twin bed covered in a scratchy blanket, and a tiny white dresser. Erik is used to living in cramped spaces and feels extremely tiny in Charles’s grand mansion. He’d rather have just enough room instead of feeling empty and alone.

“Don’t you want to be happy and love someone like that?” Erik asks as he sits up on his bed. Charles is laid out on the floor with comic books spread around him. His eyes are tracing the ceiling where some child that lived there before Erik had stuck up glow in the dark stars.

“I am happy, Erik.” And I never want to love someone like that. Charles doesn’t say his thought out loud and has never actually discussed that with Erik. It’s one thing he feels uncomfortable speaking to anyone about. He doesn’t want to feel that deeply for anybody, but knows how strongly Erik wants to not only love, but for those feelings to be returned just as strongly. Erik wants somebody to adore him and look at him like his mother looked at his father.

They both have different dreams in life, but they seem to complement each other perfectly. Erik’s dislike or disagreement with something Charles likes or agrees with doesn’t cause arguments, but lengthy debates they both enjoy. Charles’s failing in one subject or activity brings out Erik’s skills, letting him shine, and vice-versa. They often try to outdo each other in dares and in making the other laugh. Charles reminds Erik that it’s okay to be a kid again while Erik reminds Charles to smile. Erik is the first constant being in Charles’s life that he can count on. 

Nina sees the two boys as complete opposites, not only in the quality of the clothing they wear, but in temperament. Her nephew is simply a more subdued child while Charles is always asking questions and talking about what he learned that day. Erik presents a tough exterior with his scowl to keep away other people, while Charles seems to often sport a warm smile. It’s not just in their appearance either. Erik wants to learn how to fight to protect Charles while Charles claims to be a pacifist; Charles has been a vegetarian since he was nine; Erik loves gnawing on jerky (causing Charles’s face to crinkle) and the smell of Nina’s beef stew.

Strangers seeing them would think they couldn’t get along, yet Nina would come home from a long day at work to find Erik reading books in German to Charles, or Charles showing him his father’s journals and trying to explain what he’s reading as best as a twelve year old can. She often finds herself smiling when she catches them huddled together talking, or sees Erik run off into the woods to find his friend. Charles brings Erik out of his shell making him talk and smile more. 

She first thought Charles looked at Erik like he was performing some sort of charity act. Since moving away from her childhood home in Germany, after the fight she had with Erik’s grandfather, she has never accepted charity from anybody. Her parents wanted her to stay at home and become a housewife to their best friend’s older son, but Nina wanted so much more in life. She wanted to live in New York and perform on Broadway… though she can’t act or sing. The first time she saw a musical in the cinema, she immediately put on her own show in their back yard with advertising (handmade posters in the small grocery store around the corner) and backup dancers (the dogs that refused to cooperate). However, only her immediate family members came, and her sister politely told her, “Stop singing or I’ll smack you in the head with my shoe!” during the opening act. Nina loved the idea of an audience hanging on every word she said and move she made, oohing and awing at her jewels and sultry voice.

“You sound like a drowned cat!” Her darling sister would yell during her vocal exercises before throwing Nina’s own cat at her.  _Et tu, Katze?_

Her parents said she couldn’t survive in life without the support of a husband, but she was proving them wrong until the added expense of a growing boy. Nina wishes she could warm up to Erik, but he looks so much like her sister. Erik has the same dark brown hair and bright green eyes which causes her heart to break constantly. They live like strangers, so Nina is glad this small boy from across the lake found her quiet nephew. She’s never heard him speak so much or seen him smile so brightly than when Charles is around.

Sharon on the other hand, has yet to meet Erik.

They spend most of their time in the woods behind Erik’s house, where he built a small hideout. It wasn’t much; just four bare wooden walls, metal sheet for the roof, and a homemade wooden door. Erik and Charles were having a hard time finding a place where there would be no drunk mothers or aunts hellbent on cleaning everything. He wants a place that’s just for  _them_.

Charles explained his desire to Erik one day before the hideout was built and they were shut up in Erik’s room after school with the door firmly closed, not locked for Erik’s door had no lock... or knob for that matter. Charles would have taken his usual spot on the floor surrounded by books and homework if it weren’t for the door digging into his back, his face forced into the faux wood paneling of Erik’s room.

“Nina, stop opening the door! You’re crushing Charles!” Erik’s foot hovered dangerously above Charles’s crotch while Erik reached over from his bed to try and shut the door. 

“I need to clean that god awful floor.” Nina’s voice sounded stern, but she immediately closed the door. “Why don’t you boys go climb some trees or maybe be my little helpers for the day? I could get you both your own aprons and gloves.” They don’t waste time to open Erik’s window and climb out to avoid washing any floors. “Reckless boys!” Her yell doesn’t stop them from racing each other to the top of the tallest tree in Erik’s yard. 

They settled next to each other in the tree’s branches which don’t provide much cover from the chilly and wet spring wind. Their position is close to the top on the sturdiest branch side by side, shoulders touching. Neither one of the boys wore a jackets due to their rush to leave the house. Erik notices Charles shaking and his skin devoid of all color from the cold after a few moments. He reaches over silently to take Charles’s freezing fingers into his own to rub together. 

“I wish we had a place all our own, without people interrupting or demanding things from us.” Charles’s teeth chatter and he leans closer to Erik’s warmth, his head rests on Erik’s shoulder. “A place just for us.”

After three months of knowing Charles, Erik would do anything for his friend. Charles wants a place where he belongs, so Erik will build him one. Erik wakes up extra early in the morning to work on their safe haven before school and stays up late at night to get it finished as a surprise. When Charles finally sees it he throws himself into Erik’s arms to squeeze him tightly.

“There's so much more to you than you know.” Charles’s voice is barely a whisper.

The place is only tall enough for Charles to stand up straight, but wide enough for them both to stretch out while reading books or playing chess. Charles ends up stealing an expensive rug from a room nobody ever sets foot in for the hideout’s ground floor. Then a month later Kurt comes home and discovers the missing rug and beats Charles for misplacing such a valuable asset to the Xavier fortune. That night neither Charles nor Erik goes home. 

Erik can only hold Charles, soothe his hair back from his bruised face, bandage his cuts, hum to him softly, because he promised he would never confront Kurt. He feels like destroying everything in the world that might cause a frown to appear on Charles’s face let alone a bruise. Erik can barely hold himself together when Charles is hurt and bleeding, but Charles needs Erik to keep him from breaking apart. Erik can’t wait for the day when all this suffering stops.

Kurt is a big brute of a man and to confront him would mean to physically fight him. Erik would be beaten like Charles has been, but worse since Kurt does not like being told what to do. It would be more painful for Charles seeing his friend like that than all his myriad bruises and bloody noses he’s ever received. Erik only agreed, because one day he’ll be powerful and Kurt won’t stand a chance against him.

“Kurt has to be stopped.” Erik’s huddled around Charles, his lips move the hair on the back of Charles’s neck. 

“If he stopped and left, Erik... Erik it would kill my mother. I can't allow you to do that.” Charles’s voice sounds so small and defeated, Erik is glad for once he can’t see the look on his friend’s face.

“You're such a fool, Charles. Making your mother happy won't make you happy.” He receives no reply and they once again fall asleep wrapped around each other.

Sometimes when they do part for the night, Charles will wake up to discover Erik sleeping between him and the wall; Erik having left his own bed unable to sleep. When Cain and Kurt are home while Erik stays over, the flimsy lock on Charles’s door that is easily broken from the outside, mysteriously stays strong under the force of Cain’s shoulder and boot. Erik would wrap himself around Charles’s smaller frame and Charles would never have felt safer inside his own home.

Charles feels they can both read each other’s minds. They can exchange looks that are entire conversations, and Erik shows up whenever Charles needs him, and vice-versa. Charles tells Erik one night when they’re curled up in their hideout, the sound of the howling wind blowing against the wood walls, how he’s never felt more peaceful… Erik never thought peace was an option for him.

 **Two years later**

It’s 2001, they are fourteen now and much has changed. Erik’s inner thoughts aren’t so peaceful anymore and they both know they are different from everybody else. Charles can not only tell what kind of mood you’re in, but can catch random thoughts when concentrating hard enough and sometimes they enter his mind without even trying. Once Charles picked up his mother’s thoughts about how tall Charles had gotten when Sharon was looking at Erik in the backyard through the kitchen window where she was smoking. He thought he was imagining things until his mother asked that night what happened to his growth spurt when he went to give her a bottle of water. It was the first sober conversation they had in a month.

“His name is Erik, mother. You’ve seen him before.” 

Sharon is sprawled out in a lounge chair located in her parlor. She only goes to the master bedroom when Kurt is home, and her parlor also happens to contain the massive liquor cabinet that dominates the room. It’s a dark colored parlor with blood reds, dark woods, and heavy furniture. Charles hates this place.

“Whatever you say, dear…” The smoke from her long cigarette curls over to Charles’s nose making him want to step back, but he refuses to flinch. That would only cause an argument about his love for her. “Give mummy some vodka…” 

Sadly, this isn’t the first time he’s fetched alcohol for her. He wishes he had more courage to stand up to her again, but the last time he tried she slapped him so hard he tasted blood, so he automatically goes to retrieve the desired alcohol and fills up a small glass. 

“Darling, that’s not enough! Oh just give me the whole damn bottle.” She snatches the alcohol out of his grasp; her shiny red nails scratch the back of his hand, causing blood to swell.

“I’m going over to Erik’s house now…,” Charles trails off waiting for a reply that never comes. He stares hard at her head and tries to read her mind again, but her thoughts don’t make sense and his cut from her nail starts to hurt. He leaves without another word.

Erik had found out rather dramatically that he could move metal whenever he wanted. It happened in the spring when they took Cain’s bright green four-wheeler out of the garage when he was away with his father. Erik had stood and watched from a grassy hill as Charles zoomed around him laughing. The strong wind caused his hair to blow in his eyes obstructing his view when Charles took a turn too sharply and rolled down the hill and out of sight. 

“Charles!” Erik had gone running down after him while watching in horror as the four-wheeler continued to roll over Charles, boy and vehicle tumbled together down the hill. Charles could only be seen briefly on the back of the four-wheeler before it would roll over again. “Charles!” Erik yelled again when the ground finally evened out with the four-wheeler on top. There was no movement underneath.

“No.” He didn’t yell the word, but forcefully spoke it as he stretched out his arm violently with fingers splayed. The four-wheeler jerked up and off the small frame of his friend.

Late that night, Nina drove Charles back from the hospital with his head stitched and bandaged. He realized as they drove off back to their own house that the four-wheeler needed to be placed in the garage before Cain and Kurt got home. So Charles went walking the three miles on the other side of his house to where the big grassy hill was located all by himself. He would have been with Erik, but Nina made him stay home to clean for having to drive his “reckless little friend” to the hospital and “waste my gas for nothing”. Nina didn’t mean to sound so evil, but she was really terrified. She wanted to shake them both for playing on a four-wheeler with no adult supervision, and wasn’t used to disciplining teenagers. Their reckless stunt could have killed Charles or Erik and she’d grown to love them both. 

Charles had followed the freshly destroyed grass until he saw the bright green of the four-wheeler. He thought he’d slowly drive it back home until his flashlight took in the entire scene: The four-wheeler wasn’t just thrown, but was crushed in on itself with the handles almost fused with the back tires. Instead of being drivable it was a ball of angry metal. He couldn’t contain his laughter. Charles wasn’t even afraid of the punishment.

  
Then there is Erik’s bigger problem. He didn’t ask for it, but when he daydreams in class it isn’t about the prettiest or most popular girl in school, it’s about Charles. Erik can just sit the whole hour in class thinking of ways to make Charles laugh or impress him, just so he’d look up at Erik under his lashes with his big blue eyes and smile that smile which makes him feel like... kissing him. He wants to kiss Charles. Erik gets yelled at in gym class for not going after the ball in soccer, because he’ll be standing there thinking about what Charles’s lips would feel like pressed against his own. Does that pink tongue taste different than his own? At night when Erik’s alone and touching himself he thinks about what noises Charles makes if he was touching him instead, would he bite his lip to keep the noises in. 

Erik doesn’t understand why, when they go swimming and Charles lies on the wood deck, he wants to not just touch his bare skin, but to taste the droplets as they slide down his friend’s neck and chest. Erik wants to push the wet hair off Charles’s forehead and kiss his too red lips. The view of a wet and pliant Charles lying on his back with his black trunks hanging low on slender hips makes it difficult to lay flat without the rising bulge in his own trunks becoming evident.

Erik lies down close enough for their shoulders to touch; Erik’s tanned skin against Charles’s soon to be red and burnt body. Charles immediately turns his face towards Erik with his eyes closed against the too bright sun and a smile on his lips.

“Think of a word and I’ll tell you what it is.” Charles’s breath is hot against his face and smells of peanut butter from the sandwiches they had for lunch, but Erik thinks if he licks inside he can still find the traces of the lemonade he was just drinking. This has become a game of theirs- for Charles to practice reading thoughts.

“Not now, Charles.” Erik’s voice is almost a whisper back. Charles tilts his head forwards so their foreheads touch. Their arms are pressed flush together with even the backs of their hands touching; Charles’s right leg goes to lie over Erik’s left to keep him anchored.

“It’ll be fun.” Charles answers Erik’s whisper with one of his own. His breath goes straight into Erik’s mouth, causing Erik to inhale sharply. He could just tilt his head slightly and they would be kissing. A drop of water rolls off the brown hair tucked behind Charles’s ear, Erik’s eyes become fascinated and follow the trail to the corner of his mouth where Charles quickly licks it away. The sight of his pink tongue causes another sharp inhale from Erik.

“Don’t.” Erik’s voice is a hoarse command as if he’s been yelling for hours instead of watching his best friend be unknowingly seductive. Charles can’t read his mind now, not when his thoughts are this out of control. One look and Charles will see how badly Erik has come to want him. Not just simply want, but needs. Erik can’t imagine ever feeling so much for another.

Erik does imagine what it would be like to grow old with Charles. He imagines what it’ll be like for Charles to gaze upon him with lust and affection. He wants Charles to come home from work excited to tell him about what he’s discovered, how much he couldn’t wait until he would share his day with Erik. The image of them sharing dinner after a hard day isn’t a difficult one to conjure since they do it already. The image of them rubbing against each other heatedly, kissing all other each other’s body, falling asleep tangled together is something he imagines every night. 

“C’mon… try something hard this time.” Out the corner of Erik’s eye he sees Charles wiggle his fingers as he brings his left hand up to his forehead- it’s the only way Charles can clear his own mind in anticipation of reading another.

“Charles, I said don’t.” Erik grabs the wandering left hand out of the air while rolling over on top of Charles before he can make contact. “Don’t read my mind.” His voice comes out almost like a growl.

“…Erik.” Charles’s response is almost a whimper, the noise causes Erik to realize the position they’re in. Erik’s right leg is wedged tightly between Charles’s own legs, there is no space between their hips, there is merely an inch between their faces, and Erik’s erection is pressing into Charles’s stomach. Both their breathing has sped up, but instead of rolling off, Erik is trapped in his friend’s wide blue eyes.

Charles doesn’t have to touch his hand against his temple, because the wave of want and need and  _ohgodCharles_  is hammering into his mind. Charles understands his friend all too easily. He wants everything Erik does, but the difference is he doesn’t want to want it. Charles is terrified of being so important to Erik. They are already friends so why couldn’t that be enough? Why couldn’t Charles have just wanted that to be enough? Of course Erik would feel that way for Charles, because nothing is enough for him. He’s picked up on Erik’s thoughts before, but there were never this strong or their bodies so close.

Erik goes to roll off to the side when he can finally tear his gaze away from the clear blue of Charles’s eyes; however Charles’s knee comes up to stop his movement.

“Don’t move.” His voice is so quiet Erik has to lean closer to hear. “Just stay like this for awhile?”

 _“Forever.”_

Charles doesn’t mean to pick up Erik’s single word thought; he wants to cry, but instead he wraps his arms around Erik’s sun warmed back to bury his face in his friend’s neck. Erik silently brings his arms close to cradle Charles’s head. 

Erik can not only hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, but can feel Charles’s own heart beating rapidly in his chest. They don’t talk, the silence is comfortable though. Erik’s arms shift slightly and soon they are completely flush against each other, Erik’s weight heavy yet comforting on Charles. A groan slips from Charles’s mouth into Erik’s ear at the contact. They are both trying to memorize every single detail in case this doesn’t happen again. The tension that’s been in Erik’s back slowly starts to drain as Charles’s finger plays along his back and sides.

One hand finds the secret ticklish spot on his lower stomach, and he puts up a useless battle to keep the soft laugh to himself. The hand dances away before returning to the same spot to tickle again and again. The laughs get louder and more high pitched. Erik will later groan to think he was actually giggling like he was twelve again.

“Oh how the tables have turned, Mr. Lensherr!” Charles is notoriously ticklish almost everywhere on his body.

“Char-- Charles!” Erik is full out giggling trying hard to catch his breath. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m getting revenge, my friend.” Charles manages to roll them over due to Erik’s incapacitated state. “Sweet revenge!” His hands are relentless as they tickle Erik’s lower stomach and sides. Erik puts up a fight and soon is able to roll Charles off roughly; they are close to the edge of the lake, however, and Charles gets thrown in. He lets out another loud laugh at the look on Charles’s face after his head pops out of the water.

“I forgive you, Erik. I forgive you for your sudden, but enviable betrayal.” His voice is deadly serious which just causes more laughter from Erik.

“You will always be the better man, Charles.”

  
They make their way later that night to Erik’s room and his tiny bed. Charles doesn’t complain about his sun burned back, but Erik rubs in soothing ointment just to feel his skin underneath his hands. They sleep wrapped in each other’s arms and in the morning Charles is gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Madneto!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

“It’s a big day tomorrow, isn’t it?” Erik’s voice greets Charles as he steps out of the bathroom that’s connected to his bedroom, towel busy drying his hair from the shower. He can’t help but smile at the sound of Erik’s voice or the view that greets him. Erik’s long form is stretched out on his bed already in his pajamas which consists of an old Misfits t-shirt and soft light blue boxers. Charles’s pajamas are, of course, a blue silk matching set that cost the same as Erik’s electric bill, but they’re tad too small since they were given to him as a Christmas present two years prior (he doesn’t go clothes shopping often).

  
“Just one year older, Erik.” He throws the damp towel at Erik’s head and he doesn’t even bother to dodge, but simply laughs with the towel blocking his view. Charles takes the opportunity of a blinded Erik to jump on the bed causing their bodies to bump together. Erik tears the towel off his face to throw it on the floor before tackling Charles. “Easy!” Charles’s voice rises as they almost take a dive off the bed from Erik’s overexcited tackle.

  
Every year the day before one of their birthdays, they have a sleep over. That way when the clock strikes midnight they are together and can celebrate by themselves before Nina makes a big deal about it, spending all day singing to them and cooking. This year, though, Charles’s birthday falls on a Friday and his mother has decided to throw an early dinner since Kurt and Cain are coming home for the weekend. Charles would much rather spend it when Nina’s fussing, but he can’t say no to Sharon.

  
“I won’t be able to call you, young man, anymore!” Erik cries out his exaggerated dismay before burying his face in Charles’s stomach, hands coming up to tickle at his sides mercilessly. Charles flops around like a fish on dry land, trying hard not to laugh. His shirt where Erik’s head is still buried lifts a little showing skin, so Erik takes the opportunity to blow messy raspberries wherever possible. Finally Charles erupts in breathless laughter. Erik loves the moments when he can tickle Charles into a fit of hysteria. It helps Charles let go of stress and Erik would never complain of being able to touch his friend in places where he wouldn’t normally be allowed to. He hopes that one day he’ll be able to touch and caress Charles without the pretense of it being a joke.

  
The giggles Erik’s raspberries excite fill the quiet upstairs. The mansion only hears happiness like this when Erik and Charles are there. _“God, he’s so beautiful.”_ Charles doesn’t mean to hear Erik’s private thoughts, but he can’t control it and Erik thinks so loudly it’s almost as if he wants Charles to hear.

  
Sometimes it’s an uncomplicated, _“I need to pee,”_ or a quiet, _“I woke up alone again this morning, why does he leave?”_ Erik won’t guard his thoughts now: that day on the deck by the lake has shown him Charles isn’t completely appalled by him and secretly he wants his friend to listen in. Charles more often than not pretends he doesn’t hear.

  
Charles knows they can no longer fall asleep like they used to, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms and legs, face buried in Erik’s shoulder, and Erik’s fingers drawing pictures on his back. They are getting older and Erik’s feelings are already damaged by Charles’s need to distance himself. He doesn’t stay over as often or even the whole night anymore.

  
He wants Erik to have the family he so craves and Charles is just a distraction from that. They are best friends, will remain best friends probably their whole lives, but that’s all they will ever be. Nothing more. Sleeping in each other’s beds, cuddling during the daytime, spending all their free time together, that all seemed okay when they were younger, but Charles will be fifteen tomorrow and Erik is already a few months older. It’s time for them to grow out of those old childish habits.

  
Erik’s hands come up to Charles’s side to pull his top higher up so he can blow more raspberries. Charles’s writhing body tries to buck him off, his arms pushing helplessly at Erik’s head, fingers pulling in his hair, but to no avail. Charles’s face is flushed, and his laughter is so boisterous that breathing has become difficult.

  
“I can’t breathe!” He cries out hoarsely before falling back into a giggling fit that shakes the whole bed. Erik’s actions slow down along with Charles’s giggles. His actions still before becoming gentler; instead of blowing raspberries Erik’s open mouth lingers on his stomach and slides across Charles’s slightly damp chest. Charles isn’t laughing anymore, but inhaling and exhaling sharply. Erik’s lips ghost over Charles’s flat sternum and down to the top of his belly button, they circle around slowly until Charles feels them press down into a kiss. They both let out a deep moan at the same time, the vibration from Erik’s mouth causing goose bumps to rise on his skin.

  
Erik’s torso is cradled by Charles’s legs so he feels Charles’s arousal building against him. His kisses rain down on the pale skin below him, the fingers that were once pulling his head away are now keeping him in place, and the mewling sounds filling his ears make him bolder. Instead of chaste kisses he opens his mouth slightly and licks at a rib only visible when Charles inhales sharply.

  
“Erik, stop!” Charles jerks his whole body roughly to the side to successfully dislodge Erik. The command is fiercely spoken, but with a desperate edge to it as if talking to himself and Erik.

  
“I’m sorry.” Erik doesn’t know what else to say as he stares at Charles who is straightening his clothes, still turned away. They are both panting, trying to catch their breath. Erik’s trying to force his uncomfortable erection down and by Charles’s rigid posture he’s doing the same. He doesn’t understand why Charles stopped him, but he feels stupid and his heart hurts.

  
“We can’t do that.” Charles sounds to be on the verge of tears, causing Erik to receive another painful shot to his chest knowing he did that to his best friend; his erection immediately disappears.

  
 _“Oh god, please don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad.”_ Charles chokes back a sob when he hears Erik’s desperate thoughts.

  
“I’m not mad.” He wants to put Erik’s mind at rest and the thought of explaining exactly why they can’t continue down on that path would be the opposite. “We’re just too young. We shouldn’t be doing that. Remember what Nina said?”

  
Nina, as a fifteenth birthday rite, had given the birds and the bees’ speech rather painfully to Erik on his own big day. Charles was present at the time as he seemed to always be. The two boys thought they were sitting at the small kitchen table waiting for Erik’s birthday cake, but Nina had nervously sat down with something stuffed into her apron and grabbed Erik’s arm dramatically.

  
“Erik, you’re fifteen now. I know there are lots of hormones and stuff like that running through your body.” Erik tried to unsuccessfully talk her out of discussing what was now apparently the worse speech imaginable for any young teen to hear. Charles just chuckled and kicked him under the table. Nina let out a huff before continuing on. “Let me finish, I’ve read it in a book! Just don’t have sex… yet. You are too young and it only complicates things in your life. It’ll make enemies out of friends. Wait until you’re older and more mature, okay Liebling?” Erik’s only response was to nod with his mouth hanging open. “Please tell me you understand so I don’t have to explain what sex is or what it means.”

  
Nina reaches in her apron and brings out a book titled, “Sex: What It Is and What It Means” in her hands. Charles’s guffaw breaks the awkward silence where Erik was just staring at the book and Nina sweating impatiently. Charles tried covering his mouth with his hand quickly, but Nina’s gaze moved to him.

  
“Same goes for you, Charlie boy. I’ll be keeping an eye on you two lads.” Charles’s mind immediately rushes to the myriad times when they cuddle up on the bed in Erik’s room or sit a little too closely on the living room floor watching television. “If I see a girl hanging off either of you… all hell will break loose!”

  
Nina had told them sex would complicate their lives, but frankly Erik didn’t care. Obviously Charles did though, so Erik would wait.

  
“I understand, I’m sorry.” Erik says it a little too quickly, but Charles turns towards him to see how honest he looks.

  
“You don’t have to apologize.” Charles tries to smile and fails rather horribly; he looks tired and worn out. Erik nods silently not really understanding. “Let’s just go to sleep, okay?” Erik doesn’t fight him on that; he rolls over to face the wall with his knees brought up, an open invitation. Charles feels if he put his back to Erik, it would break something rather fragile between them, and though Charles knows he should, he just doesn’t want that delicate connection between them to snap just yet. So instead of facing away, Charles wraps his arms around Erik’s middle loosely, spooning his back, with his breath heating up Erik’s neck.

  
“Happy birthday, Charles.” His voice is quiet as if not to disturb the peace between them.

  
“It’s not midnight yet, old man.” Charles tries to lighten the mood by head-butting the back of Erik lightly.

  
“Then wake me up at midnight and I’ll tell you again.” Erik’s smile is evident in his voice, thankful for Charles’s humor.

  
Two hours later the clock on the wall strikes midnight silently and Charles presses a soft kiss on the back of Erik’s neck. He doesn’t wake.

For Charles’s birthday, Sharon forces him to stay in the house and not, “Run off by yourself all the time.” If he reminded her of Erik, she’d just get more upset about him spending more time with a boy that’s practically a stranger instead of his own step-brother, so he and Erik have made plans to meet at the hideout after the dinner at seven o’clock. Now, Charles is wearing an uncomfortably tight suit, waiting for the cooks hired especially for that day to finish dinner and for Kurt and Cain to show up. They were supposed to get home at noon. He can already tell it’s going to be awful from how much alcohol Sharon has imbibed.

Erik had made a special gift for Charles’s birthday. His friend is always encouraging him to use his powers more and practice, so Erik has made Charles a necklace with his abilities. It took him all day to take a small sliver of silver and force it to bend gently again and again into a small spiral, and another hour to fuse it to a small chain.

  
Afterwards, Erik had a headache he felt would never go away, and Charles kept asking him where he’d been. They’ve never spent so long apart without checking in, which is why Erik is worried at 8:30 and there is still no sign of Charles coming through the trees. He keeps walking to the edge of the woods to see the mansion, almost as if to make sure it was still standing, before turning back around to the hideout. Charles told him to wait for him and so he’ll wait. It’s after ten o’clock before Erik hears the familiar crunching of branches getting closer. He can’t make out Charles’s face since he’s walking hunched over, holding his ribs.

  
“What took you so long?” Erik doesn’t mean for his voice to sound so angry, but it does anyways. It’s brighter in the hideout though, and after the words are out of his mouth he finally sees what Charles has been trying to hide. It looks like Charles tried to hastily scrub his face clean, but Erik can still see clearly the dried blood on his mouth, the darkening eye, the washed cut cheek that’s still slightly bleeding, and Charles is holding his ribs as if they pain him.

  
White hot anger shoots through Erik causing the flimsy metal roofing to bend upwards violently and crash back down loudly. Charles flinches away from the sound and finally looks up from where he was staring at his feet to meet Erik’s wild eyes.

  
“Cain?” Erik knows its Cain’s doing, because Kurt is precise when he hits to cause minimum amount of blood (he doesn’t like it on his suits). Charles’s face is a mess of uncontrolled fists and rage from Cain, who hasn’t learned restraint just yet.

  
The metal hinges pull the hideout’s door completely off the small building as Erik shoves it open.

  
“Erik, please! Where are you going?” Charles tries to grab Erik’s arm to halt his steps. “Calm your mind, my friend.” All Charles can read off the surface of Erik’s mind is anger and fury; he wants to destroy Cain.

  
“We are better than them, Charles! When are you going to stand up for yourself and show them you aren’t to be pushed around? If you won’t then I will.” Charles’s watch clad wrist is pulled from Erik’s arm by an invisible force.

  
“They’ll be gone by Monday… and Sharon.” Erik cuts him off by turning around abruptly.

  
“Sharon doesn’t give a fuck about you, Charles.” The truth is like a slap in the face, but Erik has to make Charles understand. “I do though. I care more about you than your own mother and I won’t let them tear you apart.” Erik’s hands cradle Charles’s face gently, keeping away from the bruises. “I won’t let them hurt you anymore.”

  
“Erik, please don’t do this.” It’s clear due to the crushed expression on Erik’s face that that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. There’s a slight tug on Charles’s belt and then suddenly he’s being pulled backwards into the hideout. The belt refuses to allow him to sit up from where he’s landed on the floor. He continues to yell as Erik walks away.

  
There is no reply and the necklace lays forgotten on the floor.

 

It takes Erik under five minutes to find Cain in Charles’s father’s study, tearing out pages from journals. Cain is a massive boy with his father’s build (stocky, barrel chested, and with large beefy hands), a square jaw, and a shock of red hair on top. He doesn’t turn around when Erik enters the room until the lock is clicked shut behind him.

  
“The fuck do you want?” There isn’t a mark on Cain’s face; Charles didn’t even try to fight back.

  
“You did this to yourself.” Erik raises his hand, feeling his power flow out from him to the metal paper weight on the desk behind Cain.

  
“Did what?” Cain follows where Erik’s eyes are staring; the metal weight comes crashing into his face breaking his nose, spraying blood across the desk. Erik can feel the metal crush bone “My fucking nose!”

  
He doesn’t even have to concentrate to send the metal desk lamp smashing into the back of Cain’s head causing the boy to fall to his knees. Erik focuses on all the tiny metal objects scattered about the room; paperclips, thumbtacks, screws, and nails all fly through the air, bombarding Cain, cutting into his flesh, causing him to cry out.

  
 _“Erik, stop.”_ Charles’s voice is inside his head, but Erik keeps concentrating, making the metal cut a little more into Cain’s flesh; his cries get louder. _“ENOUGH.”_

  
Blood is dripping from the side of Cain’s face where a paperclip has sliced open his cheek.

  
“You will not hurt Charles again.” Erik brings the metal paperweight under Cain’s chin to force his head upwards, making eye contact. “If you or your father marks his skin again, I will be back.” The paperweight digs into the skin of his chin, straining Cain’s head towards the ceiling painfully. “Understood?”

  
“Yes, yes I understand.” The fear in Cain’s eyes lets Erik know just how well he comprehends. All the metal drops back down becoming inanimate once again. Erik leaves the room without another word. When he gets back to the hideout, Charles is gone, and his abilities are drained.

 

Kurt doesn’t believe Cain when his son tells him floating objects attacked him. He threatens his son if he ever tells anybody about whatever happened to him that night, he’ll find himself locked up in an insane asylum. When Charles comes home that night he runs into Cain in the hallway, the cuts (that should really be stitched, but Kurt refuses to take him to the hospital) and the many bruises only gives him a glimpse of what actually happened.

  
He feels betrayed that Erik would break the promise to never interfere with Kurt or Cain- he thought Erik understood that scaring Kurt away means losing his mother. In a different situation, Charles would have been proud of how strong Erik’s powers have become, but instead he was afraid for Cain and what Erik would do. He felt the pain from Cain as the metal dug into his skin, and the wrath that was oozing from Erik as he easily manipulated the objects to cause more damage. He could feel the pain from Cain, and the rage from Erik; what was actually said between Erik and Cain is still a mystery. Charles doesn’t know what Erik actually did and he doesn’t want to know.

  
Whatever was said and done scared Cain so badly that he had begged his father to never come back. Charles has never heard his step-brother beg for anything, he only demanded. This makes him worried for his mother and what will become of her since Kurt gave in to Cain and left earlier than was planned. Sharon was so upset she broke all the mirrors on the first floor, and screamed about how Kurt doesn’t want her anymore.

  
Charles remembers once when he had a rather nasty black eye and Erik had done everything he could to cheer him up. Erik had even brought out his “Camp German” impression which he hates doing, but knows Charles loves.

  
“Mein handy! Vhere ist mein handy?” Erik would cry out as he looked around his small room, Charles perched on his bed laughing. Nobody would have guessed that such a somber boy would be willing to be completely ridiculous just to place a smile on his best friend’s face. Erik is willing to do that and more to keep Charles happy. When that happiness is threatened another side of Erik shows, and his desire to destroy anything that might shatter Charles’s smile consumes him. His reactions show exactly how much he cares for his friend. This terrifies Charles.

  
The next afternoon Erik shows up on the deck where Charles has been sitting, thinking about what to do next. Charles feels Erik’s panicked mind before he sees his shadow moving around him.

  
“I wanted to give you this yesterday.” Erik dangles a necklace in Charles’s line of view. “Your birthday present.” He clarifies, his voice filled with nerves. Charles takes it gently, his thumb brushes over the silver spiral. “I made it myself.”

  
“It’s marvelous, Erik.” It truly is the most beautiful thing anybody has ever given to him, and he finds himself trying to hold back tears. Charles finds it hard to look at something so delicate and refined that Erik made himself when he saw not too long ago something so ugly and violent that Erik was also responsible for. He slips it over his head anyway as Erik sits down next to him.

  
“I won’t apologize for last night.” Erik breaks the awkward silence that was stretching between them.

  
“You should-” Charles isn’t able to finish the sentence before Erik interrupts.

  
“I won’t apologize, Charles.” Erik looks at him like he doesn’t understand, his voice firm and loud.

  
“You said we are better than them, but how does using violence to solve violence show anyone that we’re better?” Charles rushes to say it all before Erik has a chance to interrupt, wet eyes locked on each other.

  
“I did it out of love.” Erik’s honesty forces Charles to look away and a sob breaks free. He finds himself not able to contain the tears and broken sounds coming from his mouth. Love. Charles has never heard Erik even say that word to Nina, hasn’t heard that word directed towards himself for so long (if ever). He wants to cherish this moment, savor it, remember Erik’s voice for when things get too hard, lock it away safely, but instead he feels panicked. His chest aches painfully and the world seems to be spinning around him so he closes his eyes tightly, blocking it all out. Erik places his hand on Charles’s shoulder, thumb rubbing soothingly back and forth.

  
If Charles was raised differently, if he was brought up to believe that love will help you instead of break you, if Charles didn’t see the example of how love can destroy you completely like it did to his own mother, then maybe Charles could allow himself to not flinch away from Erik’s touch or be able to say it back. But Charles is broken and Erik loves too fiercely.

  
“I think we need some time apart, Erik.”  

  
“I was trying to help and you punish me for it?” Charles can hear tears in Erik’s voice, and if he was weaker he’d jump up and tell him it was all a joke, please don’t look so sad. “How long was I supposed to watch you get beaten up?” Erik grabs Charles’s arm when he makes a move to stand. “You think too poorly of me.”

  
“Let go of my arm.” Erik would hold Charles if he could, but his powers are drained and he can only feel the slight tingle from the necklace around Charles’s neck. “You’re hurting me.” It’s a lie, but Erik immediately lets go. He watches as Charles stands and walks away to his house.

  
“Please don’t leave me alone.” Erik doesn’t raise his voice and Charles pretends not to hear him.

  
Charles stops speaking to Erik, because he doesn’t know what to say.

 

 **Two weeks later**

Erik hasn’t been to Charles’s house or the hideout for two weeks. He cares about Charles deeply and would do anything for him (as he’s already proved), but he refuses to be the first to break about something he isn’t apologetic for; if anything he wishes he could have beaten Cain sooner. Erik wants Charles to come to him and let him know that he isn’t he only one feeling so broken down. Late at night, Erik does allow himself to concentrate and seek out the familiar hum of the necklace he had given Charles. Erik knows he wears it, because sometimes he can feel it pacing around the giant mansion after midnight.

  
Charles believes he is helping Erik by keeping away. The distance both physically and mentally kills him, and he knows how willful his friend can be. Erik won’t be the first to break. He knows Erik didn’t ask to love Charles and Charles is breaking his heart. He believes this heartache and pain is what he has to go through to survive life unlike his mother. He can’t spend all his life pining for somebody when he has so many goals he wants to achieve. Charles won’t waste away in a red parlor with alcohol as his only companion. After this heartbreak is over they can get back to being friends and only friends.

  
“This is your first fight? It seems a little dramatic to me.” Nina is once again making Erik cookies to try and cheer him up (for the third time this week). Erik won’t tell her what has caused this riff between them, but she thinks it has something to do with a girl. She keeps finding what appears to be love letters wadded up all over his floor. “Maybe you can get a job so you aren’t moping around all the time looking lovesick.”

  
“I’m not lovesick.” Erik’s voice sounds stronger than it has in weeks.

  
“Whatever you say, Liebling.” Her comment sends him into an even fouler mood and he spends the rest of the day out of the house, which is an improvement from following her around actually listening to her ramble about nonsense. She doesn’t think it’s healthy for a teenage boy to be so interested to what their crazy aunt has to say.

  
It’s late at night when Charles finally goes over to Erik’s house, but it isn’t in the circumstances Erik would have hoped. Instead of Charles telling him how sorry he is and how much he missed Erik, there are tears running down his eyes, he has a bloody nose, and is barefoot in his pajamas.

  
“Erik, you have to help me!” Charles startles Erik awake by crawling through his open window, falling on top of him.

  
“What’s wrong?” Erik immediately turns his lamp on to take in Charles’s disarray.

  
“I can’t control it anymore, Erik! You have to stop thinking. It’s all I can hear. They are all thinking at me and I can’t handle it.” Charles presses his hands to his ears as if that would stop all the thoughts bombarding his mind. He feels like his mind will explode if the voices just don’t quiet down. He woke up almost two hours ago hearing Sharon dreaming about having children that look like Kurt, Nina wondering if they have enough milk for breakfast, Erik having a nightmare involving fire and Charles, a girl thinking about her growling stomach, and the neighbor thinking about shooting a raccoon that keeps knocking over his trashcan. After the first few minutes of trying to calmly block everything out it only got worse and his range expanded to more people.

  
“Charles, you’re bleeding.” The tissue that Charles hastily stuffed up his nose is once again drenched in blood. Erik quickly gets up to get a wet towel from the small bathroom down the hall. “This will help.” He carefully cleans off the dried blood from his nose and upper lip.

  
“It hurts.” His voice comes out as a whimper. Erik doesn’t know what to do as he looks at his small friend rocking back and forth. “Nina is dreaming… Erik. I can’t control it! I can’t control it… make it stop. Everybody is thinking so loudly and it won’t stop. Please do something.”

  
“I don’t know what to do.” Erik puts his hands on either side of Charles’s face, and starts to rub soothing circles on his temples. They are sitting cross-legged on Erik’s too small bed facing each other. Charles’s pain is evident on his face, his incredibly blue eyes filled with tears.

  
“I know you don’t know what to do…” He trails off, squeezing his eyes shut to try and block everything out again. “Erik, please.”

  
The begging breaks something inside Erik and without thinking he leans in to press his mouth against Charles’s open lips, instead of pushing him away he clings to Erik. His cold fingers grab onto Erik’s neck, holding him in place.

  
“Don’t stop.” Charles means what he gasps out, because when Erik kissed him all the thoughts quieted down. They are still there, but they aren’t screaming at him for attention. He can feel the hum of Erik’s own thoughts and it calms him further. Charles doesn’t know it yet, but years from now whenever thoughts get a little too loud he’ll think back to this moment and all becomes clear again.

  
Charles’s tongue pushes at Erik’s lips, demanding entrance, causing him to gasp and wrap his arms around his friend’s smaller frame. Neither of them has kissed anyone else before, so it’s messy and a bit too rough, Charles’s fingers digging into Erik’s scalp, Erik’s teeth biting at Charles’s tongue.

  
 _“Oh god, he tastes like pennies and toothpaste. Best flavor in the world is his mouth.”_

  
“It’s blood.” Charles gasps out, reading Erik’s mind. “You’re such a weirdo sometimes, Erik.” The happiness in his voice gives Erik confidence to run his hands down Charles’s back to grasp at his pajama clad buttocks, bringing Charles almost into his lap. “Easy, there.” Their previous position causes his leg to bend awkwardly to the side, so Charles wraps his legs around Erik’s middle to sit more comfortably. It doesn’t even cross his mind that they shouldn’t be doing this here or now or ever. Instead of thinking he simply latches his mouth back to Erik’s lips.

  
Their new position brings the realization to Erik that Charles is just as hard as he is and he can’t help but buck up while putting his hands on Charles’s shoulders to grind him down against his erection. Charles pulls his mouth away to cry out sharply; his pajama pants wet with precome, preventing him from obtaining the skin on skin contact he desperately craves.

  
Erik uses the opportunity to take in the sight of Charles in his lap, face more flushed than he’s ever seen him, hair sticking every which way thanks to Erik’s hands, lips red and swollen, and his hips are writhing about trying to get friction.

  
“Oh god, Erik.” Charles covers Erik’s eyes with his hand. “Don’t look at me. You’re thoughts are filthy.” Erik chuckles while bringing the fingers down to kiss and suck. “Bloody hell.” Charles suddenly pushes him back roughly to lay flat on the bed, hands working Erik’s string pajama bottoms down to expose his overheated erection to the cold air. Erik inhales sharply, watching Charles do the same to his own pajamas. He rocks himself forward until their naked cocks touch, they groan in unison. Erik’s hands shoot up to grab at Charles’s shoulder, bringing him down to lick open his mouth, diving his tongue in, while their lower bodies move together. Charles is grinding down while Erik is pushing up, their arms wrapped tightly together.

  
Charles can feel Erik’s orgasm rising from the base of his own spine, their thoughts woven so tightly together he can’t make out his own.

  
 _“So beautiful,” “Harder,” “Faster,” “More,” “Love you.”_

  
Erik pulls his mouth away to bury his face in Charles’s neck to keep from falling apart as he comes in between their bodies. Charles is seconds after him crying out a little too loudly; biting his lip and pulling Erik’s hair roughly.

  
“Wow.” Charles is the first to break the silence after what seems like hours, their positions still the same. Erik hasn’t even complained about his weight crushing him or the sticky wetness between them; he is completely blissed-out. Charles’s mind still isn’t filled with loud thoughts, only a quiet hum of awareness for all the minds around him. He slowly extracts himself from Erik, trying to keep his eyes from staring at his exposed flesh, and goes to sit at the foot of the bed. Charles takes the soiled shirt off and bundles it in a ball.

  
“Thank you, my friend.” His chest hurts and strong feeling of wrongness settles over him. He shouldn’t have to deny what he wants, but it’s for the best. Charles tries to keep repeating in his mind that’s its better for both of them, that he isn’t being selfish. “I needed that; thought my head was going to explode.”

  
“No problem.” A self-deprecating laugh escapes Erik’s mouth. “If you ever need to use me again… I’m here.”

  
“I wasn’t trying to use you, Erik.” Charles realizes that’s exactly what it sounds and looks like, but he didn’t come to Erik for this. He never would have given Erik hope for something that can never be, and rutting against each other like animals has not only messed with Erik’s head, but with Charles as well. How is he supposed to distance himself now while still keeping Erik as a friend? He can’t picture himself in the future without Erik by his side… as his best friend. “But, I don’t think we should do that again.”

  
“You didn’t like it?” Desperation, heartbreak, failure, and rejection are coming off Erik’s mind in waves causing Charles to almost double over.

  
“I think it’s pretty obvious that I liked it.” Erik visibly relaxes and smiles shyly. Charles continues on even though he knows that smile will vanish. “But we shouldn’t do it again.” Erik’s jaw tightens; Charles can hear the thoughts running through his head, wanting to explain. “You have to understand that I have plans in life and I can’t…” He runs his hands through his hair trying to figure out how to make Erik understand. “I can’t turn into my mother.”

  
Instead of a look of understanding appearing on Erik’s face, he just looks more confused and angry.

  
“What are you talking about? You think I’ll drive you to drink?” Erik finally stands up to change his soiled clothes; his movements are quick and angry, like he wants to really shake Charles instead of the clothes in his hands.

  
“No, no… you don’t understand. Please just listen.” Charles grabs Erik’s arm to pull him back down after he puts on fresh boxers. “You’re my best friend, Erik.” He keeps eye contact trying to force him to listen. “I hope that never changes. Please remember that. I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  
“You’ll always have me.” Erik takes Charles’s hand still resting on his arm to put it on over his chest, over his heart. “In all ways.”

  
“I should get home.” Charles forces himself to break the tension building between them. Erik goes to rummage around in his dressers for clothes that would fit him while Charles sits and thinks about what to do next.

 

Charles is wearing a pair of Erik’s old shorts, held up with kite string, and a cheesy Christmas sweater Erik forced upon him. His friend laughed so hard at him he was gasping for air when Charles pulled his head through the neck hole, hair flat on his forehead. He found it surprisingly easy to joke around with Erik after they were both dressed.

  
Erik also forced him to put on some of his old rain boots before he set off in the woods. Charles is thankful for that since the path to his home is paved in branches and sharp rocks. His feet are still sore from his early run through them.

  
He takes his time making his way towards the prison he calls home, for now anyways. Charles vows he’ll leave for college with Erik if possible, and it’ll become just a mansion again. His childhood home will become just a sad building with a mad woman inside and far too many unwanted memories. Charles won’t become another prisoner, always drunk, and waiting for Erik to return to him. He is at the edge of the woods when he hears the foreign tiny girlish voice thinking about his food in the refrigerator.

  
“Half of this stuff is going bad! If I lived here none of this food would be wasted. Moldy chocolate cake! What is wrong with these people?” Charles goes to run around the lake, but the rain boots hinder him causing him to trip and fall, bloodying his knee. He pulls himself up and winces at the tiny rocks he can feel that made their way underneath his skin; it doesn’t stop him, though, from walking quickly to find out who is inside his house.  

  
“Ooooh turkey AND ham sandwich, this is gonna rock.” Charles can hear drawers opening and plates being moved around, he turns the corner expecting to see a small girl, not his mother.

  
“Who are you?” He demands walking into the room. Not-Sharon turns around panicked and quickly puts on a sickly sweet smile. She is wearing her fancy red dress, large pearls, and hair nicely done up. Charles hasn’t seen his mother in anything but black for the last five years.

  
“Darling!” Not-Sharon coos at him stepping forwards. “What are you doing out of bed?”

  
“What are you doing sober?” The question startles Not-Sharon; her eyes go big- it’s a look Charles hasn’t ever seen on his mother’s face. “Who are you? You aren’t my mother.”

  
“Of course I am, Sweetums.” Her walking is stilted like she hasn’t worn heels before or at least not five inches. “You look like you’ve hurt your knee… I’ll clean it for you, poor dear.”

  
 _“Who are you? My mother has never cared about my cuts unless I’m bleeding on the carpet.”_ Charles has never tried putting thoughts into somebody else’s head, but by Not-Sharon’s look of surprise followed by her raising her hands up to her temples he must have succeeded. “ _What have you done with my mother?”_

  
Not-Sharon slowly starts morphing from the head down into what appears to be a girl with deep blue skin, scales, and slicked back red hair. She is also much shorter than Sharon and younger as well; probably younger than Charles himself. His face breaks into a large grin and the small blue girl looks confused at his happiness.

  
“You’re not… scared of me?” Her voice no longer sounds eerily like his mother’s, but small and scared.

  
“I knew Erik and I weren’t the only ones that were different!” He wants to run over and hug her, but that would probably scare her off. “I’m Charles Xavier.” He holds out his hand for the small girl who slowly shakes it.

  
“Raven.” The massive sandwich she was in the middle of making sits on the counter behind her untouched.

  
“Go ahead and eat, Raven. You don’t have to feel scared anymore… or hungry. You’ll never have to steal again!” They sit at the island in the kitchen, Charles watching her eat, and talking about their lives for what seems like hours. Raven is twelve and has been by herself since her foster parents found out about her blue form. She was too young to control being transformed into a “normal” looking young girl for such long periods of time without slipping up, showing off her blue skin, or suddenly sporting strangely yellow eyes. Her foster sister at the time was always around to see these little slip-ups, but her foster parents only thought she just didn’t like Raven. Sadly a few days later at the dinner table they all sat stunned at the newly blue creature sitting, eating their pot roast.

  
She realized at a very young age to morph into other toddlers unless she wanted to go hungry. Nobody at the orphanage wanted to hold a blue, scaly baby. Charles promises that not only will she never go hungry again, but she has found a place where she belongs. He can’t wait to introduce her to Erik. Raven could tell by how animated Charles became, constantly smiling widely with sometimes a dazed look in his eyes and sometimes biting his lip in concentration, when he told her of Erik. That he was really important, funny, amazing, fantastic, powerful… she couldn’t wait to meet him.

  
“It’s us against the world!” She exclaimed excitedly thinking about the three of them forming a super group better than everybody else. Charles didn’t want to be against the world, but let Raven rejoice and knew Erik would like her just as much as he does.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mein Handy" belongs to the brilliant man, Stephen Fry.


	4. Chapter 4

**  
**

Erik doesn’t get to meet Raven until the following Monday. That weekend Charles spends his time showing Raven around the house, getting her settled, and watching her eat enormous amounts of food. He shows her around the many floors and rooms, giving her an impromptu history lesson about the Xavier family since she is now a part of it. She picks the pastel room down the hall from Charles as her bedroom.

The third floor is usually quiet and empty except for Charles. The other members of the household have chosen rooms that don’t carry memories of the dead Mr. Xavier (third floor having housed Charles’s father’s childhood room). Now he often wakes up to hearing Raven roller-skating up and down the hall. Raven thought she’d have to impersonate a member of the help that shows up biweekly, but Charles firmly shook his head claiming she is now  family . He drags her off on the second day of their acquaintance to introduce her to his mother, who was unaware of the noisy new guest. 

“Who is she?” Charles is surprised at Sharon’s direct question to Raven who has transformed into a pretty young girl with dirty blonde hair and green eyes. Usually his mother pretends to know what’s going on even when she doesn’t; a habit she picked up being married to her unpredictable husband.

“This is cousin Raven, mother. Uncle Darkholme’s child?” Charles smiles sweetly at her as Raven curtsies.  “Don’t do that.”  He immediately directs the thought at Raven who almost falls to the floor in mid bow. Raven doesn’t actually know how to interact with other people since she’s been on her own for so long. She takes what she’s seen in movies (one of her favorite hobbies was sneaking into somebody’s home late at night and watching their movies while they slept) as how to interact in real life. Her favorite movies were the ones with big dresses, white wigs, and funny accents, hence the bowing. 

“Hello Aunt Sharon.” Raven thinks about going to kiss her hand like in all those fancy movies she’s seen in other people’s houses, but Charles grabs her wrist firmly to stop her movement. “Don’t you remember me?”

“Of course, darling!” Sharon stands up from where she’s sprawled out on the chaise lounge to give her an air kiss on her cheek. “Why are you wearing boy’s clothes?” Charles had completely forgotten he had dressed her up in his old Star Wars t-shirt and basketball shorts.

“Lost luggage!” Charles chimes in immediately, creasing his brow as if in regret. “Poor thing has no choice.” His mother tsks her tongue and tells them to go phone the driver; she wants them to spare no expense on clothing her dearest and most favorite niece.

“Is she always like that?” Raven had asked later as they were on their way to buy clothes, just her, Charles, and the elderly driver.

“It’s not so bad.” Charles gives her a weak smile; he doesn’t want her to run away because of his mother’s actions.

“Yeah, I guess not if you have someone like Erik… when are we going to see him anyway? It sounded like you two spent every waking moment together.” Raven is already half in love with Erik just by hearing Charles go on and on about him.

“I’ll introduce you two soon. And we have our own lives.” Charles can’t explain why he feels apprehensive about the two of them meeting. Erik is just so important to him and now Raven is important as well… he doesn’t know what will happen if Erik doesn’t like her. Charles does think it’ll be good for him not to spend his whole time around Erik, or waiting impatiently to run and see him. Raven will help him break up his Erik obsessed life. Now he’ll have Raven to listen to his rambles and maybe Charles and 

Erik’s confusing feelings for each other will go away once there’s some space between them.   


Erik automatically thinks that the weekend of no Charles is just his friend needing some time away because of what happened between them the other night. He’d love nothing else but to repeat that night over and over again (and he has in his head when alone), but he knows Charles isn’t ready yet and he’ll wait until he is.

When Monday arrives, Erik is expecting Charles to knock on his window, which is usually what he does when he comes home from school. Erik is usually busying himself doing homework on his bed, waiting eagerly for Charles’s three knocks on the glass before he can throw the books away. However, this day there is no knock and Erik can’t concentrate on the paper in front of him.

Usually Charles is home within a half hour of Erik’s walk home, but it’s almost a full hour and still no Charles. He starts thinking that Kurt has retaliated from Erik’s attack after the first ten minutes of Charles being late.

Erik quickly runs through the woods imagining a bloody Charles curled up in a ball when he walks into Charles’s bedroom, but instead he hears girlish laughter coming from the hideout as he’s about to pass it.

“Charles?” The laughter stops abruptly and a girl comes running around the corner of the hideout. There’s a split second where he thinks some neighborhood kids have invade their space, but then the girl’s eyes go wide like she is recognizing him.

“Erik!” She runs up and throws her arms around his neck, her shorter height causing him to dip down roughly; his arms dangle at his side. “I’m so glad I finally get to meet you.”

“Umm.” The girl pulls back and smiles brightly into his confused face. “Who-who are you?”

“Oh geez, I’m so sorry.” She finally takes her arms away from around his neck and laughs bashfully, bringing her arms around her back. “I’m Raven!” Raven says it as if it should mean something to Erik.

“Who?” Erik looks up when Charles comes following after the girl. Relief washes over him. He feels like he hasn’t seen Charles in such a long time, so he allows his eyes to trail up and down his short frame.

“Erik, this is Raven,” Charles introduces them nervously, fidgeting with his hands. “She’s going to be our third musketeer!” He smiles at Erik, but his friend can read a mixture of emotions on his Charles’s face; hope, nervousness, and a bit of guilt. “I found her after I left you Friday night.”

“What was she a birthday present from your mother?” Erik doesn’t understand anything and doesn’t like how Raven looks at Charles like he’s the best thing to ever wear a cardigan; only Erik is allowed to do that.

“He came home upset to find me eating all his food!” She throws herself at Charles, wrapping her arms around his neck; it appears to be a habit of hers since Charles doesn’t pull away or seem startled. Erik feels ugly jealousy curling inside his stomach. “He didn’t even kick me out or scream or anything.” Raven places a messy and loud kiss to his flushed cheek.

“She’s different.” Charles finally says as Raven looks back at Erik with a grin, with her arms still tangled around his neck. “Like us.” He explains further as Raven morphs into an identical Charles.

“I’m groovy.” Raven-Charles grins ridiculously at Erik, it’s an expression Erik hasn’t seen on Charles’s face for some time. Its Erik’s most favorite smile Charles has with his teeth showing, blue eyes bright, face crinkled from the force of it, and his hair dangling down on his forehead. It makes him feel sick knowing it isn’t really Charles.

“I’ve told Sharon that Raven’s my cousin, and dearest mother would rather go along with it then look like a fool in front of a Darkholme.” Raven-Charles nods along with what Charles is saying, and then slowly morphs into a smiling Erik. The picture of himself hanging loosely off Charles’s neck and the fact that Raven can do that looking like Erik when he himself isn’t allowed to causes sometimes inside to snap.

“Stop it.” Erik growls out at the fake version of himself. “Stop it now!” His voice rises up into a shout making Raven flinch back and away while immediately morphing into her blue form. It’s a thousand times better and the pained feeling inside his chest eases.

“Erik, its fine.” Charles places his hands up in front of Erik, not understanding why he’s  so upset, he skims he’s mind to find jealousy clouding all other thoughts.  “She needs me. I’ve never had somebody need me like she does.” He projects the thoughts at only Erik who looks startled as if he had forgotten how strong Charles was becoming with his powers. Charles feels a pang and realizes that maybe he hasn’t actually told Erik about his new abilities.

“I need you.” Erik can’t help the automatic response. It’s the truth and he won’t bother hiding it.

“Are you two, okay?” Raven looks worried and uncomfortable; she’s still in her blue form looking impossibly small. “I didn’t mean anything by it, Erik. I forget sometimes it freaks people out… they think I’m trying to steal their identity.” She tries to smile, but it fails. Charles picks up worried thoughts about how she’ll have to leave them if Erik hates her. He puts a hand on her shoulder to ease her discomfort.

“She’s part of my family now.” Charles’s declaration had the opposite effect of making Erik accept her.  My family and not  our family. Those words sting at Erik; he’s always worried about the time when he’ll have no place with Charles anymore. Erik may still be Charles’s best friend, but what is that compared to Raven being his family? It’s another obstacle for Erik to climb over to get to Charles. Erik thinks for a moment about putting up a fight, but what if Charles doesn’t choose him?

“I promise I won’t do it again.” Raven gives him a shy smile, and Erik realizes that she is still just a kid, scared and alone. He remembers after his parents died and how alone he felt. Raven couldn’t be a year or two older than what he was then.

“Well since you’re promising no more hugs, then okay.” Erik shrugs as he says it. Raven looks more confused until she realizes what he’s trying to do. Erik’s small smile brings out an even bigger one from Raven.

“I never promised such a thing!” Raven throws herself back at him once again forgetting all about Erik’s discomfort once again. Erik flails around, dramatically trying to dislodge her while making pained noises.

“Is she a girl or a leech?” Erik cries out at Charles, causing him to laugh and join in on invading Erik’s personal space. As they break apart Raven pretends she doesn’t notice how Erik and Charles’s hug lingers after she’s let go. 

“Thank you, my friend,” Charles whispers into Erik’s hair, his breath on his ear sends shivers up his spine. Charles quickly pulls away and looks to Raven with a shaky smile. “We should introduce Raven to comics and the joy of reading!” Raven’s groan is met with laughter as they make their way back inside the hideout.

  
Almost two months later, Raven and Erik aren’t exactly as close as she’d like. She feels always in the way, because Charles keeps putting her there and can’t help feeling like Erik blames her. She knows Charles genuinely cares for her, but she wished he’d stop using her like a shield against Erik. Raven doesn’t understand why he can’t seem to just be around Erik without her there and always dragging her along. It’s painfully obvious that Erik misses being able to talk to Charles  alone without a twelve year old around.

Charles is always making sure she is placed between them in the car, on the couch, in the hideout, or on his bed. If she was older she’d have thought he was trying to set them up, but it’s horribly awkward and Raven is sick of them talking over her. Whenever Charles moves to put Raven in the middle she catches a glimpse of Erik’s crestfallen face, she feels to be the cause of it. She’s tried talking to Charles, thinking they had a fight after a week of seeing him almost avoid his friend.

They’re at the comic book store which is one of the places Erik loves to go, but today it’s just Charles and Raven. Erik is off with his aunt doing errands, because she loves feeling like she has an assistant and Erik has no choice. Raven is eyeing a cover with a blue lady wearing a very revealing white dress. She tries approaching the subject of Charles’s strange behavior delicately and with the charm and aplomb she knows she contains somewhere inside.

“Charles, you don’t have to always include me in you and Erik’s plans. I know you two are older and you know boys so you guys can go and do… teenage boy things without me?” Raven never really had a way with words. “I feel in the way sometimes.”

“You’re part of the group now. We don’t have to, but we want to include you.” He smiles reassuringly at her before frowning. “Has Erik said something to you?”

“No, but does Erik want to include me? I mean he probably isn’t used to having me around when it was just you two for so long.” She plays with a braid of hair she forced Charles to create the night before.

“Erik is fine. He’ll be fine. He just needs… time.” He turns back to finish riffling through the bin of new comics. 

“Maybe you should spend some alone time with him anyways. Take him to the movies?” Raven thinks this idea is perfect and jumps a little excitedly once she says it. Charles has the opposite reaction.

“Why would I do that? We aren’t dating!” His face is suddenly red and scrunched as if confused and worried.

“I know…” She tries to sound placating, but he still looks as if he’s waiting for a further explanation of such a ridiculous idea. “Don’t get so upset.” Raven smiles bigger causing her face to ache. “Did you two have a fight?”

“Everything is fine.” Charles’s smile is force and brittle, he kisses her forehead a little too hard, and once again turns around back to the comics, ending the conversation.

If Charles wasn’t going to give Erik the friendship she thought he needed, then she’ll finally and truly befriend Erik. They  are friendly, but they haven’t really had an actual conversation that didn’t involve comic books or Charles. She does feel like she knows everything about him though, because Charles’s favorite topic of discussion is still Erik.

Raven would have done tried befriending him before, but she admits she was a little scared of Erik at first. He’s playful and sarcastic with a bit of dry humor when around Charles, but when it’s just Raven and Erik he just seems so tall and sometimes his small smile at her little jokes makes her weak in the knees, and his laugh at her antics warms her up from the tips of her toes to the hair on her head. However, his smiles and laughs are getting fewer lately and when watching him (which she does often) after the first two months he just looks sad.

She starts out befriending him slowly by smiling extra big at him whenever she sees him and asking his opinion on almost everything. After a few hours on the first day it starts to unnerve both boys.

“Raven, do you have a crush on Erik?” Charles asked as if that was the most ridiculous idea ever. Erik’s gulp was audible.

“Charles Xavier, you do not ask about a lady’s business so openly!” She meant to sound terrifying, but it only came out sounding too dramatic for a girl of twelve.

“You watch too many period films, and answer the question.” Charles seems really serious, like the answer is the most important thing he’ll ever hear. Raven rolls her eyes intending to deny it completely when Erik stands up from where he was on Charles’s bed.

“I should go home.” He looks awkwardly from Charles to Raven and then back again. “Bye.”

“I’ll walk with you!” Raven yells after him before sprinting off. She hears Charles calling after her, but she ignores him completely. Erik is out the back door before she catches up with him.

“This isn’t necessary,” he immediately says as she bounces up next to him, his eyes are set forward and his body is rigid. Raven has to practically run to keep in step with his long strides.

“Yes it is. I think we should be friends.” She hooks her arm around Erik’s elbow whose reaction is to pull it back to his body stiffly.

“We are friends, Raven.” Erik’s voice sounds exasperated and he sighs heavily as if knowing where this conversation will lead.

“Yeah, but really  really good friends.” Raven squeezes his arm while staring up at him. She’s in her blue form tonight and her skin looks darker in the moonlight.

“Oh? Well, Raven. I uh, I don’t. I’m not really.” He trails off as he tries not to trip over pool accessories in the dark. Erik doesn’t speak again until they are almost to the woods; Raven lets him think her proposal over. “I know what it feels like to have a crush on somebody who doesn’t feel the same way back. It isn’t fun and I don’t want that for you.”

“I don’t have a crush on you!” Raven can’t help, but laugh a little at how awkward he is acting.

“Oh.” Erik looks confused by her laughter, but his whole body relaxes. “I just thought. I don’t know.”

“Who do you have a crush on? Somebody at school?” Raven thinks if Erik is willing to tell her about his crush then they’ll bond over having a secret and be one step closer to being best friends, or so that’s how it works on television (but usually they show two young friends giggling over their crushes together and Raven doubts Erik actually giggles).

“What?” He looks over at her quickly and then back away, hiding his face. “No.”

“Nobody at school, then? Good, cause I don’t know anybody at your school. But, I don’t really see you with anybody else besides Charles…” She was about to say and herself, but Erik cuts her off quickly.

“I don’t have a crush on Charles!” His voice sounds extremely loud as it breaks the silence of the woods, causing her to stop in her tracks to look up at him. She can’t see his eyes, but his face is set in a scowl.

“And I don’t have a crush on you!” Raven yells back furiously; the lie comes out easily. She knows she was being a bit annoying, but yelling like that at a young girl was just too much. She stalked off away from Erik and back to Charles’s house, ignoring the tears that keep threatening to run down her face. “I just wanted to be your friend.”

“Raven, I’m sorry.” Erik barely has to job to catch up with her. He feels like utter crap for taking out his frustration on a little girl. “I keep forgetting how young you are.”

“I’m not that young!” She snaps back, and refusing to look at him as he lightly grabs her elbow.

“It’s just a lot you know? To deal with and have nobody to talk to about it. He… Charles used to be my best friend and he still is, but everything has changed.” Erik doesn’t know if he’s making sense, but he has to explain his actions to her. She has to understand it isn’t about her. He isn’t really yelling at Raven, but at himself and Charles for taking his friendship away. “It’s different when you’re around which you always are- not a bad different.” He quickly adds when her lip starts sticking out in a pout. “We just used to be close,” she finally looks up at him, seeing the sadness in his eyes with his guard completely down. “And we aren’t now.” He finishes lamely not knowing how else to describe it without telling this twelve year old about his confusing feelings he has for his best friend.

“I understand. You miss him.” Raven wraps her small arms around Erik’s middle for a quick hug.

“Yeah, I do.” It’s the simplest way to put how he’s feeling about Charles right now, the dull ache he constantly feels, and the sharp pang whenever Charles pulls away towards Raven.

  
Erik isn’t stupid. He knows that Charles is using Raven so they aren’t alone together anymore. That can only mean he’s overstepped his boundaries with Charles, who probably thinks Erik is some sex crazed pervert that’ll jump on him whenever they’re alone. Erik can still talk to Charles, but feels like he has to always watch what he’s saying around Raven, even if they’re talking about meaningless subjects. He finds himself having to stop from tackling Charles or resting his head on Charles’s legs quite often and it doesn’t feel right each time, like he’s telling himself not to shiver when Charles whispers in his ear or his body to stop creating goosebumps whenever Charles’s hand ghosts over his skin. It’s not something he is used to yet.   


That night after Erik is gone, Raven quickly works on her plan of getting Erik and Charles back to the way they were before she interrupted their life. She thought about just leaving, but she couldn’t abandon Charles in that big empty house and if he isn’t happy then Erik wouldn’t be either. Raven remembered the first time she met Charles and how eagerly he told her about his best friend, how close they were, and all Erik’s amazing qualities. They are now growing distant and even though Erik didn’t really blame her, she knows it’s her fault. 

She waits until Charles is settled down and busy with his homework before making her move.

“My dearest cousin!” She exclaims loudly throwing herself at his feet where he’s sitting at his desk. She loves to call Charles that since she’s always dreamed of going around calling after her “dearest mama” or “dear papa” like in the movies about rich British aristocrats and all their rich problems, but never had the opportunity until recently.

“Oh my dear, Raven.” He doesn’t look up or even flinch from her outburst, still hunched over his desk focusing on his work. His hand is idling playing with his metal necklace.

“I talked to Erik today.” She says this like it’s a secret, whispering it at his knee like she’s received grave news.

“You talk to Erik every day.” Charles singsongs his reply right back still distracted by his homework and the pile of homework still waiting to be worked on.

“Yes, but I actually really did talk to him today…” She trails off waiting for Charles to press the issue, which he doesn’t. “About important stuff. Like how he misses you.” Charles’s pencil stops scratching away at his notebook.

“He said that himself?” His voice sounds brittle and small.

“Charles, you need to spend more time with him without me.” Charles is look down at her now, homework forgotten. “I don’t think he’s used to having me around just yet and we’re always together.” There’s a sick sinking feeling in the pit of Charles’s stomach, he knew what he was doing to himself, but didn’t even stop to think about the effect it had on Erik.

“I’m always around him.” He has the sudden urge to justify himself to this little girl at his feet, almost begging him to spend time with his  best friend .

“Have a slumber party with him!” Raven yells excitedly like it’s the best idea in the world to bring the two boys back together. She has always dreamed of having a slumber party with all her girl friends sitting around braiding each other’s hair and painting their nails. “You’ll have so much fun and I swear I won’t interrupt.”

“He used to sleep over all the time.” Charles is reminded of how it used to feel being in the same bed as Erik and his warmth, limbs tangled together. He doesn’t have any arguments ready and honestly he’s tired of keeping Erik away physically. Charles agrees to her plan of a “slumber party”, though he refers to it as a sleepover when asking Erik the next day, who replies with a huge smile on his face after learning it’ll just be the two of them. He immediately thinks he’s given the wrong idea to Erik.  

The three of them decide to spend the next Friday in town since school lets out early for all of them. They meet around the busy skate-park where Charles and Raven walked, along with Charles’s classmate Sean. Charles doesn’t spend a lot of time with his fellow classmates outside of school since Erik came into his life, all his free time has been devoted to his best friend. Also bringing them home was never really an option with his mother wandering around drunk most days, but decides it can’t hurt to walk with the red-haired boy to the meeting spot which happens to also be Sean’s favorite hangout. Charles is still working on his control of reading people’s minds, so he focuses on just keeping the thoughts all down to a low hum, but every once and a while Sean’s mind sends him images of glass breaking or he hears some high pitched yelling. The strangest thing happens when Sean’s best-friend Alex is around; the images include bright red fire and destruction. He hasn’t asked Sean about it yet, because that would be extremely odd to just start a conversation over a few images Sean’s brain has sent him. Charles shrugs it off for now thinking they’re just troublemakers with a bit of a destructive side.

Charles and Raven wait for Erik to show up as they sit and watch Sean do tricks on the half pipe. Charles has been nervous all day about the upcoming sleepover that night, while Raven has been her usually bouncy self. She started school earlier that week (finally) and swears she is so close to having a girl in her class actually like her. Erik has been smiling and in a good mood the whole time leading up to Friday, looking forward to spending time with Charles alone.

Sean talks Charles into trying out skate-boarding since apparently his small frame is perfect for the sport.

“Closer to the ground means more control of the board, or something.” Sean explains with a smile while walking Charles to the top of the smallest half-pipe. “Just bend your knees.” He nods as if that is all Charles needs.

“I-I’m not sure about this, Sean.” Thought it’s the smaller of the half-pipes, the ground still seems extremely far away. Sean who just nods away Charles’s worries, brings him closer to the edge.

“It’ll change your life.” He sets Charles up to skate down, Raven cheering him on from below. “Plus, chicks dig the scars.” It doesn’t work in making Charles feel any more comfortable or reassured about his abilities.

“Shouldn’t I try on the ground first?” Charles doesn’t even try to keep the trepidation from his voice. Sean’s hand keeps him from backing away. 

“You conquer this. You conquer the world.” Sean looks him in the eyes as he says, completely serious. Charles starts to shake his head no. “I’ll help you.” 

Erik is finally rounding the corner to the skate-park when he sees a red-haired boy shove Charles off the smallest half-pipe on a skateboard. Charles looks unready and frightened, but surprisingly balances himself on the board. That is until he reaches the bottom when it flies out from under him, he lands heavily on his ankle, and then falls off the small step of the half-pipe on his knee to the cement ground. He doesn’t cry out but from where Erik is standing he can see the grimace of pain flash across Charles’s face.

The knee of his navy school uniform is torn and his knee is bloody underneath.

“Oh man that was awesome,” Sean congratulates him for not chickening out, oblivious to the wounded Charles as he goes running off for the stray skate-board still going up and down the half-pipe. Raven is kneeling down next to Charles, trying to elevate his ankle with her Spongebob backpack.

“Charles, are you alright?” Erik quickly runs over to where he’s landed to kneel down by his side, Raven smiles brightly up at him and scoots over.

“My knee is fine, but I’m afraid my ankle is causing a bit of a problem.” Charles winces and inhales sharply when Erik pulls up his pant leg to examine the damage; Erik mimics the wince when he sees how it’s already swelling.

“Charles just needs to walk it off.” A blonde haired boy appears above Erik’s shoulder, causing him to jump, the movement jostling Charles’s ankle causing a sharp cry of pain.

“Cheers, Alex. I’ll get right on that.” Charles tries to pull himself up, but his ankle hurts too much and only causes himself more pain. Erik sees what he’s trying to do and places an arm around Charles’s back to help brace him up.

  
“What are you doing out here anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you outside of school.” Alex carries on the conversation as if Charles isn’t in a hell of a lot of pain. Charles just grits his teeth and glares up at him, Erik unconsciously brushes sweaty hair off Charles’s forehead while making a shushing sound.

“Charles is mingling with the locals before he goes back to his castle. It keeps us from attacking with torches and pitchforks,” Sean explains helpfully for Charles as he examines his damaged skate-board. Charles is the richest kid in their private school, and Sean likes to joke about how Charles lives in a Beauty and the Beast style castle with gargoyles and talking furniture. Usually Hank, a brainiac that’s rather fond of Charles, is around to tease Sean about his Disney obsession.

“Speaking of castle… we should really get home now.” Charles wants to get a little distance between himself and the newcomer, Alex, since he’d rather not have a headache due to the images they tend to project whenever the two boys are around.

“Can you walk?” Raven’s voice is nervous and her brow is crinkled in worry. Alex looks at her as if seeing her for the first time.

Charles realizes quickly that indeed he cannot walk the three miles to their house, so Erik quickly volunteers to piggyback him home. Thanks to the help of Alex and Sean, Charles is wrapped firmly around his back with his cheek pressed against Erik’s, and his front molded against Erik’s back.

“Don’t choke him, Charles!” Raven pulls at Charles’s arms which are wrapped tightly around Erik’s neck due to his fear of falling backwards. Erik assures him that he can carry his friend’s weight, even shrugging him up a little higher to prove his point.

“If you drop me, I’ll kill you.” Charles tries to sound threatening, but comes off as breathless instead. Erik feels so warm, and his hands are pulling Charles upwards by the backs of his thighs. Charles suddenly worries about being so closely attached to Erik; his hurt ankle is completely forgotten about as an ache settles low in his stomach.

“I won’t drop you, dear.” Erik teases by jostling him to the side as they walk away from the skate-park, Raven walking ahead of them to clear the way. Charles yelps when Erik does a little spin with him gripping tightly, his one healthy leg wrapped around Erik’s middle for dear life.

“I’m wounded!” His cry comes out as an embarrassing squeak which Erik laughs at, the rumble going through Charles straight to his bones. He remains quiet after that, and the rock of Erik’s steps and his mumbled speech as he talks about his day causes Charles to relax and rest his head against Erik, he can’t believe how comfortable his friend’s bony shoulder can be underneath his cheek. Charles’s breath warms Erik’s neck and ear; Erik isn’t relaxed at all as they walk the rest of the way to home.

  
Later that night, Raven fulfills her promise by keeping to her room listening to music and reading the assigned comic books Erik gave her earlier that day. Charles can’t help but pace (limp really due to his bandaged ankle done by Nina who declared it was only sprained) around his room showing Erik things that he’s sure has already seen thousands of times before, but who still smiles sweetly at Charles and listens.

Their conversation is awkward and jumps around a lot with nothing really being said. Charles keeps shying away from everything he wants to say and express. It’s strange to both of them not having to worry about Raven being around and just openly talking about whatever they like. It tears at Erik how hard it seems for Charles to just relax instead of being tense. He can’t relax himself knowing he’s the reason Charles is uncomfortable in his own home. Eventually Erik goes to the one thing they still have in common after all these years and haven’t had much time for lately: chess.

“Have you forgotten how to play the game, Charles?” Erik laughs as Charles makes an illegal move for his first turn.

“I’m playing with the new and hip rules!” Charles laughs back trying to cover up his mistake. “You’re just stuck in the past, old man.”

“How dare you,” Erik grumbles threateningly before throwing a knight at Charles’s chest.

“See! You’re such a Neanderthal with your violence. I’m surprised you haven’t set fire to the board yet. Violence will not bring you the victory you so crave, my friend.” Charles says in his most posh accent, polishing the thrown piece with his cardigan.

“You’re lucky I don’t club you and drag you off to my cave.” Erik remarks, causing Charles to eye him warily before they both burst out into laughter. 

As the time quickly flies by they find themselves slipping back into the comfortableness that’s been missing for so long. Charles even allows himself to relax enough to lounge on his bed with Erik pressed firmly against his side, reading from the same comic book. The more they’re spending together the more it reminds both Charles and Erik how important it is for them to take time out just for the two of them. Charles feels silly for how ridiculous he was acting earlier that evening as they make each other laugh and catch up talking about things they haven’t talked about in such a long time. Erik finally tells him the big news he’s been trying to pass on since a few days before when Raven kept interrupting them. He’s got an afterschool job at Shaw Grocery who is owned by “That One Guy” (named by Charles who kept saying he looked like that one guy from that one movie with the dancing) who dresses and acts like a big celebrity. They don’t actually know a lot about him other than Nina giggles whenever he’s around and he is apparently well liked by almost everyone.  

Charles can feel the stress easing out as Erik makes him laugh or tells him about some little incident that happened in the hallway at school. He isn’t worried about how Raven’s doing in school, his mother’s increased drinking since Kurt still hasn’t returned, or his growing abilities that keep him from sleeping due to the intense headaches. He needs Erik to be close and keep him from falling apart.

“You understand that you’re very important to me, Erik?” Charles suddenly feels the need to express this very important detail of their relationship. Erik stops rolling out two sleeping bags on the floor (Charles decides if Erik is sleeping in one then he will too) and looks up at him, eyes wide. “You’ll always be my best friend. I just want to let you know that hasn’t changed.”

“Of course.” Erik smiles at him shyly.

“I’m not avoiding you, because of what happened between us.” Charles is surprised to find himself actually talking about that night. He hadn’t planned for it. Erik is equally shocked and stands up straight. “Well, I was.” Charles frowns and looks away from Erik to the ground. “But I’m not going to avoid you anymore. I’m sorry for that and I promise I’ll just pretend like it never happened.” Erik doesn’t reply, only nods and goes back to spreading out the sleeping bags. “And we’ll have more times like this.” Charles adds the last part on when Erik makes no move to agree. Shamefully Charles tries skimming Erik’s mind yet again and finds Erik thinking about beaches. Erik is thinking really hard about beaches and sand.

“How’s that look?” Erik asks stepping back to look at where he’s spread the sleeping bags a safe distance apart. “Couple of extra pillows and our necks shouldn’t hurt too badly in the morning.” He tries to smile at Charles, but gives up halfway through. Charles changes the subject quickly in a successful attempt to lighten the mood and get them back to how they were before he opened his mouth. 

They fall asleep talking about how Erik will be an excellent stocker at the grocery store, using his abilities to place double the amount of cans than anybody else could at once. Their bodies are a few feet away with a barrier of pillows in between. Charles wakes up with his head resting on Erik’s chest, Erik’s arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his thigh hiked up over Erik’s, and Raven’s footsteps walking away down the hall. 


	5. Chapter 5

  


Charles knows as he’s curled up next to Erik that he should go and see if Raven is alright, but he can’t pry himself away. They aren’t this close so often anymore and Charles hadn’t known how much he’s missed feeling Erik’s chest rise and fall as he breathes. He doesn’t move a muscle until he can mentally feel Erik waking up slowly. It’s only then that he gets up and heads for the shower, pretending like nothing happened, until breakfast when he sees Raven.

Raven is unusually quiet that morning. Charles is a bundle of nerves thinking Raven is upset, that she saw them curled up and thinks differently now. Perhaps she feels betrayed since Charles can feel how much Raven likes Erik.

Despite the quietness of both Raven and Charles, Erik had decided it was a fine day indeed and actually made eggs and bacon for the three of them. A few pokes of Erik’s elbow into Raven’s side got her out of the funk and smiling once more, letting Charles take a deep breath of relief. He was still nervous, but Charles couldn’t simply be the only one in a foul mood so he played along with the jokes and laughter. He also couldn’t ignore the sneaky looks that Raven kept throwing back and forth from himself and Erik.   
  
That Monday Erik begins his new job at Shaw Grocery after work. It was Nina’s idea to get a job and they really did need help with the bills. Erik couldn’t just simply say no because he wanted to spend all his free time with Charles. Charles promises to go along with Nina to pick him up and Raven actually opts out of tagging along, mumbling something while staring down at a piece of paper with a girl named Angel’s address.

Erik’s first day consists of him following around other workers and being told what to do, which is what he thought it would be like even though Charles tried filling him up with ideas of getting promotion after promotion within the first hour; Lehnsherr Grocery does have a nice ring to it. He’s walking towards the doors after clocking out when he sees Nina talking animatedly to his boss, Shaw, and Charles standing a slight distance off watching the doors.

“Here he is!” Charles walks over to pat him heartily on the back. Nina and Shaw ignore Charles’s outburst and continue to talk, heads bent towards each other. “Shaw was telling us what a fine worker you’ve been on your first day.”

“I haven’t seen him the whole time I’ve been here,” Erik whispers back. “Why are they standing so close?” Both boys look over at the two adults who are standing the same distance as them, talking quietly. It’s almost a mirror image of Charles and Erik, but neither of them realizes that.

“I think Shaw likes what he sees,” Charles whispers, seeing how Shaw’s eyes keep roaming down to Nina’s low cut top.

“That’s disgusting, Charles.” Erik nudges him away when Charles makes a heart shape with his hands, holding it up to frame the two adults.

“Even old women have desires, my friend.” Charles pats him on the back as if he has infinite knowledge about old women and their desires. 

“Are you calling me old? And what desires? You two!” Nina bats him a little too violently with her brick of a purse, shooing them outside and into the rusty box she calls a car.

“Boys will be boys,” Shaw calls after her, laughing. “I’ll see you soon, Nina.” Nina stops and looks backwards at him, blushing and batting her eyelashes dramatically.

“I look forward to Thursday night.” She daintily climbs into the driver’s seat, and her nephew has never seen Nina do anything daintily in his life. It’s quite awkward actually. The whole backseat is shocked at what just transpired front of them, mouths hanging comically open.

“Good work today, Erik!” Shaw yells waving with a grin on his face, hair perfectly styled. Charles turns his dumbstruck expression towards Erik who sinks into the backseat, wishing to be swallowed up. Nina waits patiently until they’re a block away with no chance of Shaw hearing to let out a girlish squeak while clapping her hands excitedly.

“Nina!” Erik yells as if about to lay out a number of vicious accusations at her feet.

“What was that?” Charles asks for Erik who can’t seem to wrap his head around Nina and Shaw… Shaw and Nina. What?

“I’ve a date,” Nina singsongs while checking her lipstick ( she’s wearing lipstick? ) and the tight curls falling about her face in the visor. She snaps it up sharply after seeing the two boys eyeing her as if she’s grown another head. “Never speak about this again. I don’t want to hear a word about this from you two boys.” Erik and Charles sit a little closer together as Nina puts her foot down on the gas, speeding away while cutting a few people off. “I need to find something to wear!” She calls out as if that’s a reasonable explanation for the accident she could have created.

  
Three days pass rather smoothly for Erik at work. Shaw actually does stop by once every day to say hello to him; he thinks it has something to do with the long hours Nina spends on the phone quietly talking to him at night. His aunt comes and “picks him up” after work. What she actually does is stand outside the store with Shaw, listening as he tells her of some famous person he’s met before or far off place he’s visited, while Erik and Charles walk home (Nina always comes home almost an hour after Erik with a wistful look on her face).

The time for Nina’s date comes along and all three members of her small family gather around to watch her fuss over jewelry and makeup. Her and Raven actually had to go out earlier that day to buy something new for her to wear, which is extremely odd since Nina almost never buys anything for herself.

“You look beautiful, Nina.” Raven smiles brightly, trying to reassure the nervous looking woman she’s grown to view as her own aunt.

“Thank you, Prinzessin.” Nina pinches Raven’s cheeks at the exact moment there’s a knock at the door. Everybody in the room jumps, along with Raven who turns into her natural form briefly. Nina is startled at first when the cheeks turn scaly and blue, Raven’s heart plummets to her stomach thinking she is about to be kicked out of another home.

“Gott im Himmel!” Nina laughs, actually  laughs warmly while looking down at the small girl. Nina saw the whole transformation and still she is touching Raven’s face once more. “Did you just turn blue or is my eyesight going?”

“Your eyes are fine.” There are tears welling up in Raven’s eyes causing Nina to grasp her face firmly, ignoring the door for the time being.

“Do not cry,” she speaks with a force that causes all the people in the room to pay attention. “Do not be afraid of yourself.” Nina starts thinking about her old life in the big city, when she was living in terrible conditions, working hard to keep a small box of an apartment. “You’ll be surprised at how many different people there are in the world. I used to know a boy in the city that was red with a pointed tail.”

She brings the small and once again blue frame of Raven up closely into a tight embrace. Nina starts remembering her time in the city and her brief acquaintance with the small boy, Azazel. She never met his parents, but Azazel lived in the apartment building and never went outside due to his fear of people. He had scars all over his red skin and would appear out a puff of sulfur smelling smoke whenever Nina walked through the door. She wasn’t supposed to know about him, but once they met they became fast friends. Being different isn’t a scary thing to Nina.

“He used to cut me flowers with his razor sharp tail. He was a beautiful boy.” He had disappeared one night without a note or a goodbye. She still wonders what happened to the sweet red boy whenever she sees freshly cut flowers.

Nina looks down, coming back to the present and locking eyes with the yellow of Raven’s. “Beautiful girl. Different isn’t bad.”

“Erik and Charles are different too,” Raven pipes up, wanting to share the moment.

“Do you honestly think, Prinzessin, that they could hide a secret from me?” Nina remembers when Erik first came to live with her and how he’s have terrible breakdowns, crying over his parents. During these crying bouts all the metal in the room would thrum and shake as if being called into action. She remembers the night she heard Charles yelling mentally at Erik before they had their big fight and stopped speaking to each other.

She’d known all along and still loved them. Erik has a suddenly urge to hug his aunt tightly. He thought Nina wouldn’t understand or think something was wrong with him. He feels horrible for actually thinking that, since his aunt has done nothing but bend over backwards trying to make him happy. The moment is broken when another firmer knock sounds from the door.

“My date!” Nina jumps into action having forgotten all about Shaw and her romantic fantasies. She cleans herself in the small mirror before pushing past the two boys who are still staring at her in wonder. It seems neither boy really knew Nina at all as she keeps surprising them each day. “Just a minute!” She yells through the door, turning around and throwing air kisses. She opens and closes the door quickly so Shaw can’t see the inside and all its faults (bad enough he’s seen the front and the peeling paint and crumbling sidewalk).

“I love her,” Raven says loudly once the door is closed.

  
Five hours later, and Raven is passed out in Erik’s bed with Erik sitting in the living room, back against the couch watching bad infomercials for The Magic Bullet. Charles is away putting the chessboard up since neither of them could concentrate enough on the game. He finally hears Charles’s soft footsteps coming down the hall to join him, but he doesn’t bother looking up.

“I’m worried for her.” Erik breaks the silence, his voice sounding anxious. It’s one o’clock in the morning and Erik can’t remember a time when Nina had stayed out so late without calling to say she picked up another shift. Charles offers no reassurance; he just sits beside him on the floor and waits quietly. The warmth from their sides pressed up against each other comforts Erik more than any words could.

Some time passes before Erik realizes that Charles has fallen asleep rather uncomfortably, with his head dipped backwards onto the couch cushion. He eases him down sideways, using his castoff sweatshirt as a makeshift pillow. Erik doesn’t hear the movement in the hallway as he brushes hair off Charles’s face, and covers him with the knitted throw draped across the couch.

“You do really like Charles, don’t you?” Raven’s voice spooks Erik, causing him to jerk away from where he was busy taking Charles’s watch off. It’s bulky and Erik knows he’ll probably hit himself in the face with it during the night with his habit of flailing around.

“Of course I like Charles,” Erik whispers back and finishes taking the watch off. He places it on the coffee table before leaving the living room, followed closely by Raven.

“I mean like how Nina likes Shaw.” Erik freezes for a moment and just simply thinks. Nina likes Shaw and yet she barely knows him. It doesn’t feel right to compare Nina’s like of Shaw to what he feels for Charles. Erik has seen Charles at his worst and his best, yet he still craves his attention. Shaw has thrown a few smiles at Nina; they haven’t seen each other breakdown and cry, or broken and bruised, or laugh so they can’t see through the tears. He doesn’t think twice when he answers.

“No.” Erik’s never just  liked Charles.

“More?” Raven’s question is more like a statement, like she already knows. Erik turns around to face this little girl, the first person to ever know of his secret. He thinks briefly about denying it, but he wants to tell her. Erik feels a deep need for somebody to know.

“Yes.” He says it on an exhale, the word sounding more like a sigh.

“Oh.” Raven’s reaction isn’t judging or disgust, she walks over the cabinet to get a glass out. “I need a drink.” Erik feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from his chest. He feels like laughing as he watches her fill up the glass with chocolate milk.

“I’d rather it be him then some stupid girl,” Raven confesses, which only confuses him. “Nothing, never mind.” She sighs dramatically while taking another noisy sip.

“Shhh, you’ll wake Charles.” He pokes Raven’s side causing a high pitched squeak to be released into the quiet house. “Didn’t I just say shh?” 

  
Nina finally comes home at two in the morning with flowers and stories about ballroom dancing and expensive boats on rivers. She gushes to Raven about how Sebastian (“He wants us to call him Sebastian!”) was such a gentleman and so dashing with his black tux and his own driver.   
Charles finds it odd that Sebastian has so much money when he only owns a grocery store.   
  
The next day Nina isn’t able to stop by when Erik gets off work, so Charles and Raven show up to walk him home. Raven is off playing in the freezer, watching Erik cut up cucumbers (Sebastian decided to give Erik more responsibility by adding prepping vegetables to his to-do list). Charles is looking at the bulletin board near the entrance when a yellow Lamborghini parks directly in front of the store, blocking the handicap ramp. Charles actually flinches away from the hideous display of wealth and cheesiness of the vehicle and is surprised when Shaw himself climbs out. Shaw smiles at Charles when he spots him standing there with a disgusted look on his face.

“Hello, Charles.” Shaw holds his hand out for Charles who shakes it limply, not used to people wanting to shake his hand.

“How do you afford all this?” Charles doesn’t mean to ask so bluntly, but he’s been pondering it every since Nina came home with stories of his riches. He loves Nina and won’t allow anybody to make a fool out of her. Shaw’s eyes narrow and the grasp he has on Charles’s hand tightens, pulling him closer to speak quietly but with force. Charles sees flashes of Shaw’s skin ripple and bubble, like how a water mattress looks when jumped on.

“I’m more than just a grocery store owner.” He grabs Charles’s elbow with his other arm, keeping him in one spot. “This store been in my family for quite some time and I’m fond of this town which is why I haven’t sold it off. I’ve made many investments all over the country as did my family and if you’ve paid any attention to the world that doesn’t exist inside your little head you wouldn’t have asked that stupid question. You would know to fear the name ‘Shaw.’”

Charles’s question may have been blunt, but Shaw’s reply with such viciousness and hatred wasn’t expected, especially after Nina called him a gentleman. He can feel the anger and resentment oozing off of Shaw, but Charles is too flustered to try and read his thoughts. He finally pulls his arm away and is about to fire back with how important his own family name is, but Shaw interrupts him. “And it’s rude to ask such questions, boy.” The word is spat out like an insult. “You don’t hear me asking about your drunk mother or your step-father’s bastard children… do you?” Charles is left stunned while Shaw walks briskly away.

He wants to charge right after Shaw and explain to him how important his father was, how respected his name really is, and how some day Charles will restore all that Kurt Marko has done to his mother and the family name. Charles feels ashamed though, and can’t make his feet move. He had thought he was able to keep his mother under control enough for people to forget, but apparently she has done too much damage in all important circles and Shaw must be important if he knows about Kurt and his dealings. Charles is still standing there stunned when Erik and Raven come along.

“Charles, what is it?” Erik shakes him gently to get his attention.

“Sebastian said in a few more years I could work here,” Raven interrupts, excited about the prospect of earning her own money.

“You’re too good to work at this place.” It’s out of Charles’s mouth before he can even think about what he’s saying or doing.

“I work here.” Erik tries to laugh at the comment, but sees that Charles is really upset about something.

“What?” Charles asks as he finally looks at Erik and the scowl on his face, but doesn’t wait for a reply from Erik and turns to walk out of the store with Raven by his side. He wants to get as far away from the store was possible.

“What’s wrong with you?” Erik asks yet again after he’s caught up with them.

“I just want to get home.” Charles tries to smooth things over, but Erik only comes away thinking Charles is finally ashamed of his poorer friend.

Charles stops walking Erik home after that day, allowing Raven to meet him after work while he waits at the hideout. He doesn’t bring up what Sebastian said to anybody since he was only telling the truth.

  
The school year is nearing its end when Charles makes some rather startling discoveries. The first is that Erik and Raven may have become extremely close without Charles even realizing it. His schoolwork has started demanding a lot from him with his advanced classes, and his refusal to walk Erik home after work has added a lot of distance between the two boys. They still find time on the weekends to focus on each other, but during the long school week it’s often just Raven and Erik. One Friday night Charles is late getting home, having to stay after to work on a project, when he walks in on Erik actually sitting in the girly pink room laughing with Raven.

“I’ve wanted to see this movie… The Count of Something?” Raven is sprawled upside down on her four-poster bed trying to read a magazine that keeps falling on her face.

“Like in Sesame Street?” Erik is on the floor, building a tower of silver paperclips with his abilities. Charles hasn’t seen Erik use his powers that often since the incident with Cain. He believes that Erik is scared of showing how much stronger he’s become, or maybe he’s just worried it’ll remind Charles of what happened. Erik pretended like he couldn’t unlock his own front door without a key even though Charles could hear his thoughts as he went around opening the window, using his powers out of Charles’s sight. He hasn’t said anything to comfort Erik’s worry which makes them both feel only worse.

“What? I don’t think so. It’s French with the guy who is going to play Jesus?” Raven tries to explain as if Erik should know what she’s talking about.

“A movie about French Jesus?” Erik asks dubiously with Charles’s presence still unknown since he’s standing outside the open door, watching the scene in front of him with unwarranted jealousy. He wishes he could relax with Erik, but his school and his future goals don’t allow that.

“Doesn’t it sound amazing?” Raven asks dreamily as the magazine pages continue to hit her in the face.

“Jesus is a French count?” Erik squints his eyes thoughtfully, “The French Jesus Count of Monte Cristo.”

“That’s it!” Raven almost rolls off the bed, throwing the magazine at Erik’s head.

“Really? The French Jesus Count?” Erik knocks the magazine away to place the last stretched paperclip at the top of the tower.

“The Count of Monte Cristo!” She once again explains as if Erik really should know what she’s talking about instead of being completely lost.

“How is that about Jesus?” Erik sounds outraged. 

“What? No.” Raven rolls her eyes as she lowers herself to the floor. “It’s about some Count who owns Monte Cristo?” She pokes at the paperclip tower which doesn’t budge or move from her interference.

“I’ve read the book, Raven.” Erik looks over at the doorway finally and sees Charles standing there. The tower goes tumbling down to the carpeted floor.

“What are you guys doing?” Charles tries to act like he just got there instead of silently watching them for the past few minutes.

“You’re finally home!” Erik’s eyes are bright and he can’t stop the smile that’s spreading across his face. Charles nods towards the hallway indicating Erik to follow him.

“Bye boys!” Raven calls after them with a strange flirty tone to her voice. “I’m going to use the phone, nobody bother me.” Her voice goes from playful to fierce as she slams the door shut.

“I think she’s going through puberty,” Erik states with a mock shiver running through his body once they make it to Charles room.

“How long have you been waiting?” Charles busies himself arranging the piles of homework that need to be done from the already finished reports.

“She walked me home from work.” Erik is fumbling with his bag he left inside Charles’s room a few hours ago when he arrived. “We stopped by to pick up some movies.” He pulls out several cases, throwing them on Charles’s bed.

“Did you guys watch them all?” Charles tries to keep the jealousy out of his voice. “You two seem pretty close lately. BFF or whatever they call it.”

“I got them for you and I to watch, together.” Erik looks over at him questioningly. “Raven is okay, but I mean…” He trails off trying to find the right words. “She isn’t you.” He finishes with a shrug as if it explains everything. “You and I are BFFs or whatever they call it.” Charles tries to keep the smile from getting too big, but fails. “Oh, Charles. You are so transparent sometimes,” Erik says with a shake of his head.

They throw all the pillows they can find onto Charles’s floor in front of the television hidden inside the antique armoire. The first movie starts playing with Charles comfortably relaxed back into a small mound and Erik tossing and turning on the other side.

“Are you settled yet, Erik?” Charles smashes a pillow down to look over at his miserable friend.

“My back hurts.” Erik grumbles, trying to pay attention to what Toulouse-Lautrec is singing. “The pillows are too… pillowy.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Charles chuckles while taking the barrier of pillows away, which is when Erik decides it’s perfectly reasonable to scoot over and place his heavy head on Charles’s soft stomach. “Excuse me?”

“Much better.” Erik ignores Charles’s outrage, settling down to watch the movie he let Raven pick out.

“Your head is bony.” He mumbles halfheartedly, placing his right hand on Erik’s hair to keep the strands out of his line of sight.

“Heads are bony? You’re a genius, Professor.” Erik’s voice is deadpanned, one hand coming up to rest on Charles’s knee. “Watch the movie.”

They are watching as Satine sings about flying away before Charles interrupts again with what he’s been thinking about a lot lately.

“Do you think Nina is happy? With Shaw I mean.” His question brings Erik rolling onto his back to look at Charles.

“She seems happy. He’s taking her to see some Broadway show tonight for their three month anniversary… I thought I told you.” Charles hums his agreement, not sure if he was actually told. “She dances around the house a lot more, but I’m not sure if that can’t be ruled out with insanity.” Erik sees the flash of Charles’s teeth in the darkness.  “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.” Charles replies out loud without realizing it.

“You dance around your house more?” Erik pinches his side. “I shouldn’t leave you alone so often.” Charles smacks his hand away lightly. Erik smiles and quietly says, “he wants to send me to school.”

“What?” Charles tries to sit up in a panic. “You mean away?” Erik keeps him from moving with the weight of his upper body.

“Your school. Next year.” Erik explains with a smile, thankful that Charles was so outraged on his behalf.

“We’d go to school together?!” Charles’s thunderous expression turns into a look of delight. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He tries to sit up, but Erik once again overpowers him.

“I haven’t had the chance to tell you,” Erik’s voice doesn’t sound at all excited, but he’s wearing a soft smile anyways, surprised at his friend’s delight. “He says if I help him out on the weekends he’d be happy to better my education. Nina was hesitant at first, but apparently Shaw has a way with words.”

Nina hates taking charity from people, but from the way Shaw made it sound like he actually cared for Erik and wants to see him succeed, she couldn’t say no since it affected Erik’s future happiness.

“You can’t start school now?”

“I’m glad you’re excited. I thought perhaps you wouldn’t like it.” Erik stopped looking at Charles to stare the pillows next to his head. Charles could feel the unease dripping from Erik’s mind. “With your poor friend suddenly around your rich ones.”

Charles doesn’t understand what he means at first since he’s never even thought of Erik as “his poor friend”. Erik has always been his best friend regardless of any stupid little things like money.

“My poor friend?” Charles raises his voice once he realizes what his friend was implying. A flash of anger and hurt is sent towards Erik causing him wince, shutting his eyes briefly. “Erik you idiot,” Charles pushes at his shoulder to try and get him off, but Erik refuses. “I can’t believe you’d think that. Am I really that awful a person?” Erik quickly shakes his head no, hands brought up to soothe down Charles’s slender arms. “I know I’ve been distant, but… god Erik. I thought. I thought you knew me better than that.” All the anger drains from Charles, leaving him feeling suddenly extremely depressed and on the verge of tears.

Erik crawls up to lay right next to Charles, pressed firmly against his side. Erik’s forehead resting on Charles’s temple, his chest pressed to Charles’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Erik whispers honestly. He wasn’t expecting to hurt Charles so much, he never wanted to do that.

“You should be.” Charles’s voice is a rough whisper. Erik wraps his right arm around Charles, hand resting on his friend’s shoulder, thumb brushing against his neck.

“Don’t be mad.” Erik pulls him closer into an awkward hug, nose touching Charles’s ear, his breath causing Charles to shiver.

“I’m livid.” Charles still feels tears prick at his eyes. He can’t help but feel like he’s let Erik down by allowing him to think that way.

“Please, don’t cry.” Erik brings his hand up to cradle Charles’s jaw, turning his face to look him in the eye. His mouth is hovering at the corner of Charles’s own. “You’re my best friend.” The words sound more like what Erik is thinking. “I need you.”

Charles turns his head abruptly, their noses bump, lips almost touching.

“Me too.” He smiles sadly, their lips ghosting over each other in a phantom kiss, neither of them move away.

“Spectacular, Spectacular!” The movie startles them both, breaking eye contact.

“Do we even know what’s going on in this movie?” Erik asks, resting his forehead against Charles’s own before flopping onto his back next to him.

Charles exhales slowly, “No idea.”

They spend the rest of the evening going through the rest of the movies with Erik bad mouthing all the actors, and Charles ad-libbing his own script whenever the actresses speak with his own high pitched voice. As they are saying goodnight, still on the floor surrounded by pillows, Charles makes sure not to pull away when Erik rests his arm across his waist. The future may bring a wife and children for Erik, and Charles may become a well respected professor bringing his family name out of the dirt, but right now all that matters is Erik and the way his eyes crinkle when he’s sincerely happy and how he shows off all his teeth when laughing alone with Charles. At this moment, on the floor with Erik, Charles doesn’t worry about the future. 

  
The next big discovery comes in the form of Charles’s classmate, Hank. Not only does Hank ask Charles to come over to his house (something nobody has ever requested before), but Hank leaves all his books inside his locker at the end of the day. Charles’s idea that perhaps he wanted to study goes out the window. He was actually kind of hoping Hank wanted to study, since it would be an honor to do so with such a brilliant mind. Charles admits he’s tried skimming Hank’s thoughts, but they are much faster than everybody else’s.  

He gets anxious as they near his house, afraid of what his mother might be doing. Thankfully, Hank doesn’t even question him when Charles rushes him up to his room instead of introducing him to his parents. 

“I have something I need to tell you,” Hank says the moment Charles closes his bedroom door behind him. He thinks briefly about locking it to keep Sharon out, but Hank would probably become uneasy.

“Oh?” Charles is taken by surprise when he turns around to see a suddenly nervous and sweating Hank fiddle with his shoelaces. “I’m doing this because I think you’re like me… please don’t freak out.” Hank bends down to his socks now and Charles can’t understand all the thoughts racing through his mind. “I’ve noticed how you know what the teacher wants before he even says it and how you start taking out books without being told to. I’ve seen you in the hallways breaking up fights that haven’t even started yet.”    
Charles is taken aback since he can’t remember ever being so obvious and always thought he left most of the teacher’s minds alone.

“I think you can predict the future,” Hank spits out finally. “and I… I well. I’ll just show you, shall I?” Hank fumbles slightly trying to take off his sock quickly. He’s has been called Bigfoot by his classmates due to his unusually large size of shoe, and now Charles realizes why they have to be so big.

Hank’s feet are unlike anything Charles has ever seen before. They are long certainly, but his toes are long like fingers and move like them as well. He watches as Hank stretches out his toes and flexes them. Suddenly Hank drops a pen from his pocket, emboldened by Charles’s attention and lack of disgust, his feet catch it before the pen reaches the ground.

“I was born with prehensile feet,” Hank states the obvious. “I can climb with them as well, and that isn’t all.” Charles is expecting a tail to appear behind Hank. He takes a calming breath and says, “I’m smart.”

Charles feels like laughing, but settles for a bright smile. “How wonderful.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**  
**

Erik starts his first day at Saint Stanley Academy with a whole group of new friends. Charles immediately introduced Hank to Erik, and a few days into the summer Sean sees Erik using his abilities to keep a display of canned food from falling to the floor. Soon Erik, Charles, Hank, Sean, Alex, and Raven are gathered around Erik’s stoop talking about their “superpowers” as Raven dubbed their abilities. Sean with his “Godlike Voice”, Alex with his “Fiery Hoola Hoops”, and Hank with his “Bozo Feet” (“I think he’s handsome,” Raven had announced to anybody that would listen).  

For reasons unknown to Erik he finds himself getting lost in their newly formed group. He isn’t used to so many people around him talking or demanding his attention and Charles feels the same. Usually Erik’s home is a safe haven for Charles where he isn’t bombarded with countless thoughts, but soon it’s turned into a shelter for their group of young teens trying to cope with their powers. Charles is happy to know there are others like him, and he loves trying to help Sean broaden his range or Alex to not explode everything whenever he’s angry. Alex is having the worse time with his powers at home and often acts out at school, giving him countless detentions. Charles tries to talk him through his troubled moments as best he can. However, he can’t help it that the happiest part of the day is when he can escape with Erik to a quiet corner and simply play chess or be quietly alone with Erik, enjoying his presence and calming mind.   
  
Erik’s only worry when his first day arrives is finding his way around the massive building that he now calls school. Shaw had him working until the day before school started, so he had no time to walk around with Charles to get acquainted with the layout. Since Charles is only in two of his classes he finds himself wandering around, trying not to look painfully lost, with his schedule clutched in his fist.

The morning started out alright with Erik’s arm latched firmly around Charles’s shoulder as they found his way to their first class of the day. He honestly doesn’t remember the teacher’s name since the first period was spent with him poking the back of Charles’s head with his pencil and snickering when Charles sends him a growling  “Stop it” inside his head. He so loves aggravating Charles, especially when his mouth pouts at him, and he honesty loves hearing his friend’s voice bounce around inside his head.   
  
The first three classes are over and there’s still one more to go before lunch. The hallways are clearing rapidly and Erik still hasn’t found room 312. He knows he shares it with Charles, but Charles couldn’t walk him to his room since his last class was outside in the greenhouse. Erik’s footsteps slow as he concentrates to feel outward, searching through all the metal inside the school for the small and unique necklace that’s always around Charles’s neck.

Charles can feel his necklace heating up against his chest while worriedly watching the door; it tugs a bit letting him know that Erik found him.

“Lost again, Erik?”  Charles voice is filled with amusement.

Erik turns quickly in the opposite direction, feeling the pull of silver, and runs before the bell rings. He arrives just in time and sees Charles smile shyly towards him while casually removing his bag from the chair next to him; all the other seats are filled.

Lunch time finally arrives with Erik bumping elbows with Charles, each clutching a tray as they go through the line. He takes a moment as he waits for his meal to watch Charles walk away in the school’s uniform, slacks encasing his rear nicely. Erik doesn’t even realize that Charles might pick up on his thoughts until Charles trips over nothing, and looks back at Erik with a flushed face.

  
“I didn’t mean to-” Erik starts to apologize as he finally catches up, but Charles interrupts right away.   
“I heard teachers having sex.” Charles feels it’s alarmingly easy to lie to Erik when trying to keep them from swerving into an awkward conversation.

“What?” Erik laughs out loudly, not able to keep the relief from his face. “Which ones?” He follows Charles who turns the corner before they reach the cafeteria and pushes through the doors to outside. Erik can make out the small cluster of guys sitting under one of the biggest trees on the Stanley Academy property; Alex has caught something on fire again.

“Don’t know, but they sounded eager,” Charles stage whispers to Erik who is walking closer to hear his answer. “Like animals at a zoo.” Erik barks out another laugh, lightheaded with sudden happiness.   


The first week of school ends with Erik signing up to play soccer, Raven forcing Charles to pass Hank love letters, and a raucous pizza party. Erik didn’t want to sign up for soccer at first, but Sean took that decision out of his hands and a comment about how much Charles loves  football sealed the deal.

The love letters were forced upon Charles and he had no choice but to pass the red papered, cotton candy scented, letters to a blushing and bumbling Hank, or Raven claimed she’d stalk them at school and pass the notes herself. Charles thought if Raven passed the note then Hank might faint; he isn’t used to adoring females. He’s just thankful she was never this outright with Erik and that her crush on his best friend has calmed down a bit.

The pizza party comes as a necessity since everybody just decided without asking that they were going to stay over at Erik’s house that Friday. It was after a soccer practice in which Coach Fury decided to run them ragged, having them do suicide laps since three of the teammates were five minutes late. Charles sat on the metal stands in his usual seat along with Raven, reading from a giant text book as Erik killed himself on the field. He did look up every once and a while to admire the view of Erik’s toned body in a football kit.

Charles had to reread the same page over a few times whenever Erik used the end of his shirt to wipe sweat away from his forehead. He can’t wait to see what becomes of Erik’s narrow waist and broad shoulders once his workouts start paying off physically. Erik’s already lean and wiry, but with a bit more added muscle, Charles could make a fool out of himself.

Typically after a hard practice Nina would already have dinner ready and waiting to serve all the hungry soccer players, plus Charles and Raven. This time though, Nina is spending the weekend in the city with Shaw and left money for pizza and other microwaveable items (they are forbidden from using the stove after Alex had set it aflame, engulfing Nina’s favorite oven mitt).

Once the pizzas arrive (all seven of them), they crowd around the front porch of Erik’s house since having that many sweaty bodies in a small house wasn’t a very good idea. Erik takes his paper plate and sits up against his house, watching as Raven tries to take off Hank’s shoe. Charles does his own watching of Erik’s warm smile towards Raven’s antics from behind the screen door, before Alex deems that the perfect time to be pushed out said door and almost trip, pizza pressed against his shirt.

“Right, well.” Charles tries to compose himself while getting the pizza sauce out of his school shirt. He really doesn’t want to mess with laundry tonight. Another housekeeper quit due to his mother’s insults and vicious attacks. Third housekeeper in two months. Charles honestly doesn’t think they’ll want to work at a house that goes through housekeepers so quickly, even if they pay triple what other families in the area do. Kurt calls his mother sometimes, but so far hasn’t visited in almost seven months. Usually Sharon would be off chasing after him, but that was back when she had people around to assist in her self destruction. Thankfully for a few days after the phone calls she controls her actions and Charles can get the house in order. Keeping the mansion from going up in flames has been exhausting for Charles and thinking about more laundry makes him want to weep.

He finally gets settled, forgetting about his ruined shirt, with his back against Erik’s bent legs. He’s about to take a bite out of his pizza when Erik’s legs part suddenly causing him to fall backwards against Erik’s chest. The pizza slice still in his hand is in the perfect position for Erik to take a bite out of so he does just that.

“Oy!” Charles tries to sit up, but Erik’s arms around his waist are keeping him down. “Your hands have sauce on them! Oh god Erik, do you know how hard it is to get stains out of clothes?”

“Not easy, that is why they’re called stains,” Erik mumbles, his pizza breath blowing into Charles’s face which shouldn’t be as arousing as it is. Charles really shouldn’t feel so comfortable wrapped up against Erik’s body, but this is one moment where he tries his hardest not to think at all. Nobody else seems to care about their position on the porch. Hank is tying his shoelaces tighter after Raven’s most recent attempt at getting his feet naked, while Alex and Sean are sword fighting with broken off branches, pizza sauce smeared all over their faces. Charles feels content, so he stays resting against Erik’s chest who actually allows him to eat his own food after he stops struggling to get away.   


  
Three months later and they are still having pizza parties every Friday, but the location changes each week. Erik’s sixteenth birthday rolls around, and instead of having everybody over for a party he just wants Nina, Raven, and Charles and a quiet dinner. Raven goes over to her friend Angel’s house after giving Erik a jersey with the name “bender” on the back and watches him blow out his candles. Erik appreciates Raven’s gift, but doesn’t think he’ll wear the shirt out in public. Nina gives him an old ford truck which one of the ladies she takes care of son’s gave her a discount on. It’s big and rusty, but it drives well. Shaw wanted to buy him something new, but Nina refused wanting to get him something she could afford without help. Erik is obviously a natural behind the wheel of a gigantic metal vehicle. He and Charles spend hours driving around the block.

Erik only wanted Charles to stay over, which is perfect for Charles since his gift is rather personal. He remembers a talk they had a few weeks ago how Erik can hardly remember his parent’s voices anymore and how he’d give anything to have that back. Charles only hopes he doesn’t cross a line.

“So what did you get me?” Erik asks playfully as he jumps onto his now ridiculously small bed. He doesn’t fit length wise on the mattress anymore, so his long legs rest off the edge. Charles can hardly believe they once fit side by side. He can barely sit on the edge without crushing Erik’s legs.

“I wanted to try something,” Charles hesitates trying to figure out how to phrase this without upsetting Erik.

“Kinky.” Erik’s thought causes him to smile and relax, tension leaving his shoulders.

“I want to try and bring out your long-term childhood memories and place them in your short-term memory, so it’ll feel fresh in your mind.” Understanding finally dawns on Erik’s face and he sits up, making room for Charles.

“What do you need me to do?” 

“Keep your mind calm and open.” They sit facing each other on the bed, reminiscent of the night neither of them can forget. Charles places one hand on Erik’s temple while the other rests on his own. 

Charles’s fingers are cool where they are pressed against Erik’s skin. Erik feels a strange trail of warmth radiate from Charles’s cold fingers all the way down to the pit of his stomach, leaving his temples cool and yet his insides warm with the nudge of Charles’s mind.

“Here I go,” Charles’s voice is a rough whisper as Erik finally feels him inside his mind. It’s hard to explain the feeling of having another person inside your head, but Erik imagines it’s a lot like suffocating, in a good way. His own mind is trying to come to terms with this foreign consciousness, but it doesn’t seem like an invader. He’s surrounded by Charles’s presence and it’s the best feeling he’s ever had.

Erik gasps out when Charles speaks again, but this time in his head. “You’ve a beautiful mind.”

He feels like being dunked under water when Charles nudges at his memories and pulls him down alongside him through long forgotten days. Charles watches through Erik’s own eyes as he’s standing over Charles who is curled up, shivering and bloody on his tiny bed two years ago. He feels Erik’s emotions of anger, protectiveness, guilt, and love as if they were his own. Charles feels like he’s gone too far and is about to pull back, but Erik mind clings to him and keeps him from running away. They dive deeper.   


Charles is Erik aged six. He’s being walked to the park with his hand in his father’s. Erik looks up adoringly at his tall Papa who smiles with a hint of sadness back down at his only son.

“Papa, you won’t grow old, right?” Erik and his father left the house so his mother could comfort her friend whose mother had finally passed away at the ripe old age of eighty.

“We all grow old, darling.” His father halts his steps knowing what is going to come next. He kneels down so he’s eye level to his son. “That’s the way of life. We must die for others to live.”

Erik’s lip starts to quiver thinking about losing his parents. “I don’t want you to die.” He throws himself into his father’s strong arms that lift him up off the ground and into safety.

“I’m not going anywhere for a long time, son. I’ll be there to watch you explain the ways of life to your own children someday.” He settles Erik up onto his shoulders and tries to get him to smile by bouncing the rest of the way to the park, leaving giggles in their wake.

Charles digs further into Erik’s mind searching for the woman that’s surrounded in love, lost, and longing. Erik’s mother. The first memory Charles pulls up is of a seven year old Erik, a few days before Hanukkah, helping his mother bake Lebkuchen. The memory is a long lost one, and Erik had forgotten about the taste of the gingerbread like treat and how his mother used sing to him as he sat atop the kitchen counter eating random ingredients before they are able to be mixed in.

“Darling, if you eat all the hazelnuts they’ll be none left for the cookies!” His mother pinches his nose before slowly taking the bowl, batting his hand away when he reaches for another.

Suddenly his father bursts through the backdoor in a rush of freezingly bitter wind, snow falling off his long coat and hat. His mother goes to help him take off his winter clothes and hang them up to dry.

“My love.” His father wraps his arms around his mother to swirl her around gently, knocking a bowl of flour to the ground. “I’ve walked through miles of snow just to feel you in my arms again!” He brings his lips down to kiss her cheeks and forehead, rubbing their noses together.

“Your face is freezing!” His mother tries to wiggle out of her husband’s grasp, the flour from her clothes now all over his ratty work uniform.

“But you love this face anyways,” he states as a fact before claiming a kiss and letting her go. Erik watches as his father steals a few hazelnuts before his mother can stop him. “Erik, my boy.” He kisses him on his forehead before settling at the kitchen table, bringing his son onto his lap.

They stay in the memory long enough to watch Erik’s family laugh and talk as they bake cookies and breads. Charles doesn’t know how much time has passed, but he can’t seem to pull away anymore. 

He starts to panic as the memory fades and they are both plunged into freezing water, drowning. Erik feels Charles’s distress and grabs at a memory that’s often on his mind, taking them away from the painful feeling of water rushing into their lungs.

He’s pulled them away to his most favorite and often called upon memory of them rutting against each other in his bed. Charles tries retreat once more, but because their minds are so intertwined Erik follows Charles’s right into his own memories.

  
Charles is five years old. He’s uncomfortable in a tweed suit and stuck atop a counter where his nanny left him before hurrying out of the room due to the flying glass his mother kept hurdling around. She abandons the small boy to keep herself safe. Everybody is always looking after themselves, but never for him.

Charles wants to jump down, but the ground is too far away. He wishes his father with his ridiculously large glasses would swoop in and nestle him in his skinny yet strong arms, shield him from Sharon’s fury. His father is dead though and an intruder has taken his place within a year. The large man that Sharon wants Charles to call Father is the complete opposite of Brian Xavier in every way. He’s muscled where his father was lean, viciously cruel where his father was sweetly naïve, and instead of being cradled he’s pushed out the way and slapped around. 

“I love you,” though the statement should be said filled with adoration, it sounds ugly and hateful from where it’s shouted by Sharon. Her arms are a fury of smacks at Kurt, sometimes catching up any available glass that hasn’t yet been broken. “You’ve done this to me!”

The stem of a wine glass gets broken off and goes flying towards Charles’s small form, still stranded on the kitchen’s island. He cries out as it cuts into his forehead. His pain goes unnoticed by his mother who follows Kurt into another room, both Erik and Charles watches the blood drip down into tiny hands.

Erik pulls them into a happier memory. A young Charles stealing the glasses off his father’s face, identical blue eyes crinkled with laughter as his mother laughs in the other room with her friends. They’re suddenly tugged into another memory of Erik’s. They’re on their backs in the grass, looking up at Erik’s smiling mother whose blazing green eyes are filled with warmth. She’s gently fixing a crown of flowers around Erik’s head.

“Der Prinz,” her voice is soft and the love she has for her only child is obvious. Erik looks to the other side of him to his father, drenched in sunshine. His father almost looks red in the light, playing the harmonica. The field they’re lying in is filled with a soft yellowish light from the setting sun. It’s one of the happiest memories that Erik has forgotten.

Charles’s heart aches because he’s never had that kind of love and he’s too broken to even know how to obtain such a relationship. His heart aches because Erik will once again have what he so misses, and Charles will always be on the outside looking in. Erik will have a wife and child while Charles becomes his own hero. 

  
Charles’s eyes fly open as he feels a sharp, incessant tug at his neck. It takes a few seconds for his mind to disengage from Erik’s own and the surroundings from the memories fade away, bringing them back to the small bedroom. He’s vision is still blurry due to the unshed tears in his eyes, a sudden longing engulfs him. His mind feels bruised from where Erik was torn from him. He wants to dive back in and live inside Erik’s beautiful memories. Erik’s hand is clutching the necklace around Charles’s neck tightly in a fist with their foreheads pressed tightly together, tear tracks staining both their cheeks.

“I didn’t know I still had that,” Erik says out loud causing Charles to wince slightly. He wants to hear that voice back inside his mind.

“Those were very beautiful memories, Erik. Thank you.”

“I’ve always wished you could meet them.” The quiet yet truthful statement brings a smile to Charles’s face. He pulls back an inch to take in Erik’s face fully.

“You look just like them; a perfect combination.”

Erik brings his hand up to gently wipe away a tear from the corner of Charles’s eyelid. “You have your father’s eyes.”

Charles clears his throat roughly and sits back, away from Erik’s closeness.

“I think this time was a bit rough, but next time I’ll actually know what I’m doing,” Charles pretends to not have heard the comment about his eyes. He’s been made aware over the years by his mother how much his eyes are like Brian’s and he doesn’t view it as a compliment. “That is if you want there to be a next time,” he’s suddenly nervous Erik won’t allow him back into his mind because of what he’s seen of Charles’s own. “If you don’t, that’s fine.”

His eyes shy away from Erik to stare at the threadbare blanket underneath them. Erik’s hand is still touching the necklace, thumb brushing against his clavicle.

“Can we do it tomorrow?” The happiness in Erik’s voice brings Charles’s eye back up. Erik’s coy smile is all the reassurance he needs. “I like you in my head.”

Charles nods, unable to keep his own grin from getting ridiculously big. “Happy Birthday, Erik.”

  
Junior year comes and goes in a flurry of homework, soccer practices, study groups, and late nights spent talking quietly between Erik and Charles. Charles no longer clams up whenever Erik slings his arm around his shoulder (which he does often in school), or puts his head in Charles’s lap, or even when Erik curls around him in bed or the hideout while he’s trying to read.

When they aren’t physically close then they’re having a conversation inside Erik’s head. Surprisingly enough their grades don’t suffer from their lack of concentration.

During summer break Charles gets sick, but refuses to go to the doctor.

“Rest and Nyquil will cure everything.” Charles’s hoarse voice claims whenever Erik tries to get him to go. He’s decided to stay over and take care of Charles until he feels better. Even if he wasn’t sick Erik would spend most of his time there since he hates staying at his empty house with Nina away vacationing with Shaw.

He spends most of his time trying to keep Charles comfortable and entertaining Raven. He won’t admit it to anyone, but it’s one of the best summers he’s had, Charles depending on him and Raven treating him like family.

Even though they are in the kitchen Raven and Erik are speaking quietly not to disturb Charles’s sleep while making him chicken soup.

“When are you going to tell him?” Raven’s whispers from where she’s sitting on the counter. She’s been trying to get Erik to just confess to Charles, thinking he’ll welcome his advances.

“I think he already knows.” Erik frowns slightly as he says it, turning the stove down.

“Are you two together then?” Her voice sounds more excited and louder than before, her legs swinging back and forth.

“Not yet.” Erik thinks about ending high school with Charles by his side, going to college with him, kissing him, growing old with him. He then thinks about what might happen if they grow apart; Charles smiling at somebody else, holding hands with them out in public, only nodding when passing Erik by. He won’t let that happen. “We’ll always be friends.”

“But you want to smooch him!” Raven can tell Erik is thinking too much so she jumps off the counter to squeeze Erik’s arm. He merely rolls his eyes, keeping his back to her.

“I still want to kiss him even with a snotty nose,” Erik says with a hint of longing.

“Oh Erik, that’s really,” she pauses thinking for the appropriate word. “Gross.” Erik laughs self deprecatingly and continues to stir the soup.

“I bet his snot tastes amazing.” He deadpans while Raven backs up slowly with a disgusted look on her face.

Meanwhile Charles is dreaming of lying in the sand on the beach, unable to move his legs with Erik straddling his waist. Charles feels a warmth spreading all over his body from his groin and he realizes they are both naked, Erik writhing about on his lap with his hands running up and down Charles’s chest and sides. Charles’s own nails are biting into Erik’s bare thigh as they rock their hips together faster and faster, the sand feels like velvet underneath him. Charles’s left hand goes up to where Erik’s mouth is open and panting to feel the wetness his tongue is licking on the bottom lip. Erik sucks the digit into his own mouth and hollow his cheeks, wringing a moan from Charles. 

“Erik,” Charles pants loudly as he rocks up against Erik, their wet with precome cocks grinding against each other almost painfully. Praises start falling mumbled from Charles lips as Erik twists and lowers himself down to bite at Charles’s jaw. 

“I love you,” Erik’s voice is right in his ear and Charles is so so close. “I love you,” his voice is louder now and Charles flinches away. Erik pulls back and says right into his mouth, “I love you.” 

The words are like pieces of glass as they enter his mouth, causing him to choke and cough. Erik keeps grinding away faster and faster. Charles tries to cry out, but whatever is in his throat is keeping him from speaking and from breathing. Erik smiles as wetness hits Charles’s stomach. 

  
He wakes with a start to see Erik sleeping in a chair nearby and chicken soup cooling on his bedside table. He’s drenched in sweat and filled with fear, and an erection tenting his light blanket. His dream felt too realistic and terrifying for him to go back to sleep now, drowning in Erik’s love seems to be an all too possible future for them both. It’s a dream that will haunt him for the rest of the summer.    



	7. Chapter 7

Senior Year

The October sun is relentless as it shines down on Charles who is hunched over his school books trying to get some homework done, as he uses his hand to keep the fiery orb from blinding his eyes. Erik is out on the soccer field with this shirt off which is another reason why Charles has his nose stuck in the giant textbook with a piece of paper obscuring his view.

Erik has developed beautifully with his tightly built muscles stretched over his back and chest and arms glistening with sweat, his lean torso rippling with a hard earned six pack. Everything about his body makes Charles just want to sit there and stare, forget about his grades or college ambitions. Drooling might become an issue though.

A particularly hard question causes Charles to look away from his book and stretch to clear his head. His eyes of course snap to Erik like magnets. He soon becomes entranced by the way the sun glistens on Erik’s skin and makes his hair look a reddish color. He finds himself creating sonnets in his head about this sun-drenched God among men and then laughs quietly to himself if Erik ever heard him say such a thing. Charles doesn’t even fight himself from sneaking glances when he’s sure there’s no way of getting caught and they often joke about Erik’s good looks being the bane of his existence. He is completely unaware of the mousy brown haired girl eyeing him from the ground with a determined look on her face.

Charles continues to watch Erik run up and down the field while the girl quietly makes her way up the bleachers. Sean goes to take the ball from Erik and ends up tripping him, sending Erik to the grassy ground rather painfully. Charles stands up from where he’s seated and sends a quick message to make sure he’s okay. Erik looks up at the stands to send him a pained smile before brushing himself off. He’s had worse spills on the field.

“Excuse me?” Charles doesn’t notice the voice until she repeats herself a few more times, his undivided attention on Erik who walks off his bloody knee. “Excuse me?”

“Buh?” Charles looks to where she’s now sitting two rows down. “I mean what?” He feels like kicking himself for allowing somebody else to see him mooning over Erik.

“You’re in a few of my classes.” She smiles nervously, pushing her brown framed glasses further up her nose.

“Oh, yes.” Charles searches for her name, not allowing himself to skim her mind for the answer. “I’m terribly sorry, but you’re named Michelle?”

“Moira.” Her smile turns brighter, thinking how he almost got her name correct. She fiddles with her brown cardigan; everything about this girl is brown. “You’re Charles.”

“Yes, indeed.” Charles sits back down awkwardly, wondering when she’s going to ask him to tutor her. That’s usually how things go when somebody he doesn’t know strikes up a conversation with him. “Can I help you with something?” He is only half paying attention as Erik is broadcasting his thoughts loudly from the field now.

 _“Did you see that dick move Alex just pulled?”_

“Oh well, actually yes.” She starts to say nervously, pulling at the patches on her brown messenger bag.

 _“I’m going to pull all the fillings out of his teeth if he doesn’t stop hogging the ball.”_

“I’ve noticed you quite a bit during classes.” She’s still rambling, trying to work the nerve up to finally ask him what she’s been wanting to since she first saw his bright blue eyes and easy smile.

 _“My back is killing me. I’m going to sleep at your place tonight. My bed is too small.”_

“You’re so smart and,” she stalls trying to remember the speech she wrote and rewrote last night.

 _“Not destroying Fury’s whistle was never an option.”_

“And I really like your personality,” Moira starts chewing on her ponytail coming up with the forgotten speech as she goes.

 _“Who is that girl talking to yo—OOF!”_

Charles stands up abruptly once more, realizing that Erik has taken a soccer ball rather painfully to the stomach. He’s doubled over on his knees.

“Will you go out with me?” Moira finally works up the courage as it looks like Charles is about to run away.

“Pardon?”

 _“I’m dying.”_

 _“Don’t be so dramatic, Erik.”_

“I wanted to know if you would like to possibly, maybe, if you want, go out on a date with me?” Her face is bright red and her eyes are focused on her hands. “I know it’s a bit forward, but my mother has always told me to go after what I want.”

 _“I’m going to kill him.”_

Erik’s voice is murderous and he sounds serious which only means one thing. Janos.

“Excuse me.” Charles for reasons unknown pats her on the head before jumping down off the bleachers and running towards the field. He can already see Alex and Sean trying to restrain the wounded Erik from going after his nemesis: Jano, the black haired boy laughing at Erik’s pain with his friend Wade while spinning the ball on his finger.

Since Erik first saw Janos he didn’t like him and the feeling was mutual. Janos is constantly bringing up the fact that Erik isn’t rich and makes fun of Erik’s accent that still comes out when exhausted or upset. They’ve had a few scuffles in the past off school grounds, and they’ve ended with both sides being bloody messes.

“I’ll wait for you!” Moira calls after Charles as he pushes past the metal gate onto the field.

Erik manages to break free from their hold to run towards Janos, but Charles runs full speed and tackles him before he is able to strike.

 _“Relax. Calm your mind.”_

“Dammit, Charles,” Erik wheezes out of breath and in pain since Charles’s shoulder hit him in the same spot the soccer ball had.

 _“You’ll get suspended.”_

“What in the hell, boys?” Fury booms from the sidelines. “This isn’t how you play soccer!” He picks up and hurdles an orange cone at the boys on the ground while directing his next yelling fit to Wade and Janos, “If you two ladies are done snickering then you’ll be able to give me five laps for being jackasses for that wild kick.”

Charles waits until they are off running before removing his weight from Erik’s body. He knows if Erik really wanted he could have pushed him aside and he’s grateful Erik listened to him.

“Pretty boy, get off my field!” The coach blows his whistle again, sending Charles into motion running back towards his books and Moira, as he passes Fury hits him on the back with his clipboard.

“Is he okay?” Moira asks with worry evident in her voice. He looks back towards the field to see Alex and Sean helping brush himself off.

 _“I’m going to destroy all your relaxation tapes.”_

“He’s fine.” He smiles brightly, ignoring Erik’s threat.

“I had no idea this sport was so violent.” She’s hugging her bag as if scared. Charles shrugs with no comment, sitting down beside her and getting his papers in order. “So,” she starts about to ask the question again.

“I’ll think about it.” He interrupts with no real answer ready. Nobody has actually come up to him and asked him out so directly before. Usually the interested party sends him a note or slips one inside his locker and he can just simply ignore it or send back a short reply.

“Okay.” Moira smiles sweetly at him causing him to feel like a horrible person. She seems nice and if the classes she takes are any indication, she’s brilliant. She makes no move to leave so Charles breaks his own rule to skim her thoughts. He’s shocked at what he finds.

 _“I hope he likes me. He seems nice. Mother would like him. I should leave to start working on my paper, but Charles is actually talking to me.”_ Her thoughts are soft and subdued and completely honest.

Usually he hears the complete opposite of what somebody’s saying or when he’s hearing Erik’s thoughts they are loud and overpower all the other thoughts from everybody else running through his head. Charles likes that about Erik’s mind, but perhaps a subdued mind has its fine points as well. Her thoughts are quiet and aren’t nagging to be heard. He could block them out entirely without even thinking much but with Erik’s he has to concentrate on building walls whenever he feels they need privacy.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Charles nods at her as he follows Erik and the rest of the team over to the locker rooms. He keeps looking back at her to see how she hasn’t moved or glanced away from his residing back.

Charles soon forgets about Moira and her sudden proposal as he sits on the metal bench inside the locker room, catching Erik’s cast off sweaty kit to stuff it into a laundry bag. He stares down at his feet as Erik walks bare-arsed into the showers. He thinks idly as he waits that perhaps he should spend more time with the small mousy, quiet girl who doesn’t make his blood boil or skin feel too tight.

  
Later that night as Erik complains about Janos and “that silent bastard” Wade, Charles is miles away thinking about the future and why he feels a dread deep down in his stomach.

“Charles, you look like you’re thinking too much.” Erik rolls over on his side to spoon Charles’s back as he takes off his shoes.

“Just worried that’s all.”

“Well don’t. I’m the one that’s supposed to worry, remember?” Erik squeezes his side to make him jump. “Besides I hear worrying too much will cause your hair to fall out, and I doubt you can pull off the bald look.” He ruffles his hair trying to get a smile, but Charles shrugs off his hands. “What are you worried about anyways?”

Charles goes to sit at his desk chair instead of right next to Erik on the bed. “Not your grades, right?” Erik watches him as he riffles through the myriad stacks of study guides and old tests. “I don’t think you’ve ever failed a final in your life, Charles.”

“I keep thinking about the future and how everything is going to change.” Charles thinks the possibility of getting accepted into different colleges though they’ve talked about applying to some of the same schools; Charles has applied for two that Erik doesn’t know about.

“I won’t be changing.” Erik smiles at him before flinging backwards onto the bed. “I’ll be right by your side to keep your hair from falling out.”

The next morning Charles wakes up first to find Erik’s morning erection pressed hard against his back and his own answering hardness begging for attention. He knows exactly what he’s going to say to Moira.

  
In all honesty Charles thought it would be a good idea to invite Moira to Raven’s sixteenth birthday party. Raven has repeatedly told him in the past that she wishes she and Angel had another girl in their group of friends and well, Moira _is_ a girl. Raven and Angel have planned two big parties for the month of October and the first is Raven’s small birthday celebration at the roller rink and then the big Halloween party at Sean’s house.

Charles doesn’t tell anybody of his plan as he marches into school or tries to, but Erik has his arm around his shoulder jostling him around and stalling him from his mission of getting a girlfriend. Moira is surprisingly in his first class of the day, surprisingly because he hasn’t noticed her until now. He is also surprised to find she sits in the sit right next to his in the front row.

“Hello Charles,” she says quietly as he enters the room.

“Do you want to go with me to my cousin’s birthday party?” he asks immediately before he chickens out.

“Yes!” she responds with her voice the loudest Charles has ever heard it. “I’d love to.”

“Just as friends, though,” Charles makes sure to say this while looking directly into her eyes. “Let’s get to know each other first before diving into the realm of boyfriend girlfriend. Not a date.” Due to Moira’s slight frown he quickly adds, “yet.”The rest of the class is spent with Moira smiling brightly and Charles’s mind miles away.

  
Raven’s party wasn’t until that Friday night and since it was still Wednesday, Charles thought perhaps he wouldn’t actually see Moira until that day. However for the next two days at school Moira was a fixture at his side making her quiet comments about schoolwork or talking about her grandmother.

“Nice cardigan,” Erik remarks with a smirk as he sees her walking close to Charles’s side. Moira dipped her head into a nod, but remains quiet. It’s the first time introducing Moira to his group of friends during lunchtime.

 _“I thought you liked cardigans.”_ Charles can feel Erik’s hostility.

 _“I like_ you _in cardigans.”_

“Who is she?” Sean blurts out rather smoothly with bits of cheeseburger flying out his mouth, jerking Charles and Erik back to the present.

“Oh, well,” Charles starts trying to figure out what to call Moira who might be his potential girlfriend.

“I’m Moira.” Both Charles and Erik look shocked as she finally speaks louder than a whisper for the entire group to hear.

“I’ve invited her to your birthday, Raven.” Charles looks over at his sister who is currently trying to rest her head in Hank’s lap which is occupied with text books. She perks up at his statement and pushes off Hank to sit up straight.

“Why?”

“Because she’s my friend.”

She sits and contemplates while staring between the new Moira and the boy she loves like a brother. After a while she finally shrugs with a, “Whatever Charles.” The entire group minus Erik goes back to eating and talking amongst themselves. Charles sits down next to Erik instead of leaning against his bent knees like he usually does, Moira right beside him.

“Alright, Moira?” Erik asks with a lewd look upon his face that doesn’t sit well with Charles. Moira just nods before taking a dainty bite out of her apple. “Do you have a boyfriend, Moira? Plans for the future, Moira? Going to college, Moira?”

Charles’s gaze could burn a whole in Erik’s face with his intensity. _“What do you think you’re doing?”_

 _“Getting to know your new_ friend _.”_

“I’ve applied to Berkley.” She thankfully refuses the other two questions. “You?” God bless her she is actually looking into Erik’s eyes now as if in challenge or trying at least since her eyes keep darting away from Erik’s gaze.

“Charles and I haven’t decided yet,” he replies back easily with a shark like grin as if trying to intimidate her further.

 _“Erik, be nice.”_ Charles sends the thought with a bit more viciousness than he intended to. He just hates seeing the quiet girl get walked over and hates seeing Erik play the bully. Erik sends him a sharp look as if surprised.

“So wherever Charles goes you’ll go?” Moira laughs slightly as if it’s supposed to be a joke, but doesn’t actually know yet.

“Precisely.”

  
Raven’s birthday finally comes, and in the short amount of time Erik and Moira have known each other they’ve found a way to tolerate being in the same area. Whenever Erik is talking to Charles, Moira pretends to not exist and whenever she is talking to Charles, Erik pretends she doesn’t exist.

Thirty minutes into they party and Charles isn’t enjoying himself at all. He is happy and rather amused to watch Raven try and jump around in her roller skates, clinging to Erik who is by far the best skater out of the bunch. Her excitement is contagious in most cases, but right now Charles is awkward sitting in a booth with Moira who refuses to put on the rental skates.

A slow song comes on and the lights from above shine down little red stars on the rink. Raven looks around briefly for Hank, but he’s nowhere to be seen so she settles with looping her arm through Erik’s who voices no complaints. Charles tries not to feel the pang of jealousy as Erik whips her around the turns, laughter erupting from the birthday girl.

After they’ve skated a few more circles around the rink, the group gathers at the table for Raven to blow out her candles. The cake was homemade by Angel and Sean, and looks surprisingly like Italy.

“It’s a skate, Charles.” Angel rolls her eyes over what is obviously the country of Italy in the form of a cake.

“Make a wish and blow out your candles already so we can cut into Italy!” Erik exclaims loudly from where’s he’s seated on the other side of Charles.

“Make sure you don’t kill any EYE-talians, Rave.” Alex passes over the knife he’s been hiding inside his leather jacket. They start singing Happy Birthday as Raven closes her eyes and makes to blow out the candles.

“Wait!” Raven sits back away from the cake with her hands up. “Instead of a Birthday wish can I have a Birthday request?”

“Maybe.” Charles doesn’t want to agree right away without knowing the request.

“I’d like to finally have my first kiss today,” Raven announces crossing her arms. Hank suddenly looks extremely nervous.

“Hank?” Charles asks the boy that’s now slumped in his seat.

“Not with Hank.” Raven surprises the whole group by looking at Erik. “I want Erik to be my first kiss.”

“I thought you got over that crush,” Erik says fondly with a smile instead of recoiling like Charles has done.

“You can’t kiss Erik!” Charles interrupts, “He-he- He’s like your brother.” He struggles to come up with a reason.

“A hot brother,” Angel mumbles over her breath, nudging Raven’s side encouragingly.

“I’ll do it,” Erik says with a shrug, leaning closer to Raven. “No tongue though.”

“Erik!” Charles can’t keep the dismay and shock out of his voice, Moira’s presence beside him is so quiet he completely forgets she’s glued to his side. Raven mimics Erik’s actions and leans forward until their lips touch slightly before grabbing him by the ears and crushing their mouths together. “No!” Charles hits the table with his palm causing them to break apart.

“Relax, Charles. It’s her birthday.” The mood around the table has changed abruptly thanks to Charles’s outcry.

“I need air.” Charles pushes Erik out of the booth to head for the door, completely ashamed.

  
Charles doesn’t realize he’s been followed until he feels a small shoulder. He turns around to see Moira sitting silently beside him. He blurts out the only reasonable thing to do, “Be my date to Halloween.” Moira looks surprised by his request. “Actual date. Boyfriend girlfriend, date.” They hear the metal door open and both look up to see Erik standing there.

“Okay, Charles. I’ll go with you.”Moira responses as if Erik hadn’t just barged out the door causing him to freeze in his tracks.

“Moira, will you excuse us for a second?” Charles can see Erik’s jaw clench after asking her so politely as she looks over to Charles for approval. He nods her away and waits until she’s back inside before looking up at Erik.

“It’s a joke.”

“It is not,” Charles is about to defend his new relationship with Moira and how very real and unfunny it is, before Erik barges on.

“Raven told me what she was going to do to get a rise out of Hank,” Erik explains as he sits down where Moira had just vacated. “I didn’t mean to upset you so much.” His eyes look soft as he stares into Charles’s own. “Why did you get so angry?”

Charles could answer truthfully, but that would get them nowhere; only heartbreak is down that road. Instead he answers with, “You kissed my sister. You were supposed to protect her like a brother and you kissed her!”

The disappointment from Erik is so overwhelming Charles has to look away. “No tongues though,” Erik replies with a sad little smile. Charles shrugs and the rest of the party they spend avoiding each other. Erik however spies Hank trying to make Raven feel better after seeing the rift she has caused between the two closest people she has as a family.

  
The next day Erik is worried he really crossed the line when Charles doesn’t show up all day at his house. He decides to blame it all on stupid ideas and force Charles to forgive him as he marches down the path through the woods they’ve created due to frequent use.

Erik’s about to knock on Charles’s door when he hears voices inside so instead he opens it to reveal Hank sticking electrodes all over Charles’s forehead. Hank is rambling on about brain frequencies and wavelengths and whatnot. When Charles sees Erik enter he gives a shy wave and a smile, trying not to dislodge any of the wires.

“Erik, don’t disturb him. I’m experimenting,” Hank grumbles as if people have been disturbing him all day and by the look of Raven’s magazines scattered around the floor he guesses they have been.

“What an adorable lab rat you make, Charles.”

“Don’t spoil this for him, Erik. He won’t forgive you like I will.”

And with that they both know everything is alright between them, or at least for now.

  
It’s finally Halloween and Charles feels ridiculous dressed as Raggedy Andy, but ever since Raven joined their family she has made him wear matching Halloween costumes every year. So far he’s been Romeo, Fred Flintstone, the red Power Ranger, Hansel, and embarrassingly last year he was Adam. Charles longs for the day when Hank or some other lucky fellow will take his place.

Charles is parked in front of Moira’s Tudor style house hoping she’ll show soon so he won’t have to meet her parents. Raven is already at the party helping Sean decorate and set up along with Angel. Sean and Alex had handed out flyers at the skate park so there’s no telling how many outside their own group will show up.

Charles absently pulls on the red yarn wig wishing that Raven had let him pick out their costumes. He’s about to work up the nerve to go knock on the door when finally it opens and Moira comes bounding down towards his Mercedes. Or at least Charles thinks its Moira, but he can’t be sure with the white sheet over their head. The ghostly person opens the passenger seat door though, and sits down.

“Moira?”

“Just drive,” Moira’s voice squeaks out and Charles happily follows her instructions. Once her house is out of view and they’re safely a few blocks away Moira pulls the sheet over her head to reveal a tight fitting white tank top, white daisy duke shorts, and a white choker around her neck. Her face is however painted white and there’s fake bruising around her face along with Ghostly earrings to remind everybody what she’s supposed to be dressed like.

“Moira!” Charles exclaims out of shock and tries to keep from swerving into the wrong lane. He isn’t used to and isn’t prepared to view Moira in anything but cardigans and her skirts that go over her knees.

“My sister dressed me,” Moira pulls at her shorts trying to cover herself up. “She said nobody would want to buy the cow if they couldn’t see it’s udders.” Charles chokes on his own spit. “Do you like it? I should put the sheet back on.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Charles thinks he should compliment her body, but honestly it doesn’t do anything for him. _“I just need to get used to it,”_ he thinks lamely. _“Moira is my girlfriend now.”_

“You look cute.” She gestures to the red spots on his cheeks causing him to groan.

  
There’s several teens gathered around Sean’s front porch which is decked out in fake spider webs and orange lights. Charles recognizes the group of faux vampires from around town, but doesn’t know their names. Erik’s truck is parked in the driveway along with a few other junky cars handed down to new drivers from their parents. Charles can’t explain why he has butterflies in his stomach as he opens Moira’s door for her. Their ride has been silent both vocally and thought-wise. Moira’s anxiety isn’t even loud.

“Charles!” Raven shouts, bursting through the screen door, hand on her hip showing off her blue checked dress and white apron. Moira’s arm is laced through Charles’s, her walking is a bit stilted due to the high white heels her sister forced upon her. “Oh my god, Moira. What are you wearing?! There might be children around!” Raven’s dress sits high up on her own thighs, their lengths almost matching.

“Do you think it’s too much?” Moira asks worriedly. “Should I get the sheet?”

“I’m just joking, Mous-Moira.” Charles shoots her daggers as they make their way inside the already crowded house.

“Great turnout, huh?” Angel asks from where she’s seated atop the kitchen counter, glistening wings stretched out behind her with antennae headband and dramatic makeup. “Sean’s step-dad is being a real buzzzz kill.” Raven cackles at her friend’s joke as Charles turns to see Sean being lectured by a gruff man with heavy sideburns, weirdly styled hair, and lumberjackish clothing. Sean is dressed in a ginger afro, seventies style tux, and a large peace sign is dangling from his neck.

“Listen to me, Bub. Nobody touches my beer,” his voice is roughened by smoking and long hours of heavy drinking.

“We’re all underage, Logan.” His step-dad makes a disbelieving noise and sucks on his cigar, taking in all the teens around him. “If anybody disturbs me inside the shed, I won’t be responsible for the violence that ensues.” Logan pushes past Moira, eliciting a high pitched squeak, and banging out the back door. Sean sighs heavily before spotting Charles.

“Raggedy Charlie!” He does an impromptu seventies style dance number as he shimmies over. “Erik was wondering what was taking you so long to get ready!”

“I’ve brought non-alcoholic beer,” Hank announces as he walks into kitchen dressed in a lab coat, tie, and a thicker set of glasses.

“Oh man, I was hoping you’d dress up as Bozo the clown!” Sean takes the brown paper bag and goes to throw it in the trash before Angel stops him.

“I think he looks dreamy,” Raven sighs as she fixes the white bonnet on her head causing Hank to blush and fix his tie.

Two hours into the party and things have gotten a little out of hand. Alex dressed as a firefighter, has brought the garden hose into the house and started to spray the crowd of teenagers as they dance around to Hot in Herre. Charles is beginning to suspect that alcohol has somehow made it into the systems of the underage mass, and the constant grip of Moira’s hand is no longer digging into his arm. He looked around wildly for her in fear she was in trouble, but quickly found her sitting quietly on the couch talking to Hank with a giggling Raven on his lap. The thoughts of the combined crowd are getting to Charles so he heads upstairs to try and gain some distance between his mind and theirs.

Charles enters what appears to be Sean’s younger sister’s room to gather his thoughts and calm his mind. He thinks back to that night in Erik’s bedroom and how all the thoughts just quieted down like they are doing now, and feels the soothing hum of Erik’s mind. Erik’s thoughts feel strange however, slurred and jumbled around, not making any sense like they usually do. He searches out, trying to find where his friend is and goes to look out the window.

Erik is seating inside his truck, bottle in his hand. He feels awful. He was hoping tonight would be fun and he could spend it staring at Charles in another one of his ridiculous costumes that makes Raven grin like mad. Instead every time he caught a glimpse of Charles, Moira was right there stuck to his side like a leech. Okay no, he hasn’t tried to get along with Moira, but something doesn’t set right with her. She seems secretive and as if she knows Charles better than anybody which is plain absurd to Erik. Halloween is usually a fun occasion and Moira has ruined it. Charles probably hasn’t even noticed his absence with Moira right there to talk to. He knows he’s being childish, but the alcohol Sean’s step-dad gave him is causing him to think childish is the right approach to this situation.

“You look heartbroken,” Logan had said when he stepped out his shed to make sure his wife’s car wasn’t messed with. She was out of town and had put Logan in charge of her car; she said nothin’ about her son destroying the house so he’ll just let the teens have their fun. Until she came home and grounded not only Sean, but Alex as well since she carried that kind of power. The poor boy looked completely heartbroken so Logan thought a bottle, or well the rest of his case wouldn’t hurt him any.

So there Erik was inside his truck, first time drunk, and acting like a schoolgirl over Charles.

 _“It’s his entire fault,”_ Erik thinks as he takes another gulp of beer and makes a face at the taste.

“What’s my fault?” Charles asks as he climbs into the passenger seat, causing the cab to rock back and forth, sloshing some liquid out of the bottle. “Why are you drinking? How are you drinking? Who gave you booze?”

Erik just stares at him as if he’s an apparition, eyes glassy from too much drink. He leans over so his breath invades Charles’s own with their faces barely apart. “Boop,” Erik bops the painted red triangle atop Charles’s nose. “You’re adorable.”

“I can’t believe how drunk you are.” Charles laughs slightly causing Erik’s face to heat up.

“Red yarn looks really good on you, my darling.” Erik’s hand drops from his nose to Charles’s neck, resting on the side lightly, thumb tracing up and down gently.

“I wish I could say the same about alcohol to you, dear.” Charles’s eyebrows crinkle together in the most adorable way Erik has ever seen. He badly wants to kiss his lips and coax them open for his tongue to delve in and out in and out, leaving him breathless. “What are you supposed to be dressed as anyway?”

“Can’t you read, Charles?” Erik shows him the name tag that says, “Hello I’m: a Shark,” in Raven’s loopy handwriting. He leans forward for Charles to see the homemade cardboard cutout of a blue colored fin and grins widely. “I’mma Shark.”

“Of course you are.” Charles pulls at the loopy bowtie around his neck, allowing Erik’s gaze to wander down towards the skin underneath. Erik goes from playfully drunk to suddenly sober and high on desire.

“Come here to me,” Erik whispers as he puts his arm up on the back of the seat, giving Charles room to side closer.

“Why?” Charles bites his bottom lip as he stares at Erik’s mouth which seems to be drawing closer and closer.

“Don’t think.” Erik’s arm resting on the seat comes up to frame the other side of Charles’s neck, dragging him closer. The first touch of their lips is gentle, almost shy. They keep passing small closemouthed kisses back and forth until Erik moves his hands lower to the small of Charles’s back, bringing him closer and finally onto his lap. The cardboard fin is digging into his back, but he ignores it in favor of the hard bulge of Charles digging into his front.

The taste of Erik’s mouth is overpowered by the cheap beer, but Charles can’t help from opening wider and moaning in relief once their tongues touch. The closemouthed kisses turn messy and wet as Erik sucks on his lips before shoving his tongue almost forcefully inside, but Charles isn’t putting up a fight.

“That’s it,” Erik murmurs appreciatively as Charles becomes pliant in his arms.

Charles is completely focused on Erik’s mind, his lips, and his one hand that’s running up his knee to where his stupid Raggedy Andy shorts stop. The other hand is pulling off his wig and at his hair to bring their mouths closer still and move Charles around to where Erik wants him.

“Ah, fuck!” Charles moans and drops his head down as Erik moves his lips to his neck, nibbling on the exposed flesh lower down. Charles doesn’t swear often and the word causes Erik’s hips to buck up, Charles’s head hits the roof of the truck loud and painfully. The pain brings Charles back into himself and his own thoughts.

He hurriedly climbs off Erik’s lap and extracts his arms from where they were tangled under Erik’s shirt. Charles doesn’t remember shoving them under to caress his muscled back, but now he’s aware of the longing to shove them back.

“Charles, are you okay?” Erik reaches to touch the top of Charles’s head, but he ducks back and away. Erik’s lips are quivering and his whole body is shaking with need. “I’m sorry?”

“We need to st-stop,” Charles tried hard to keep his own shivering under control, but failed. It’s suddenly extremely cold inside the truck.

“Why? We’re old enough now, aren’t we?”

“I’m with Moira.” Charles blurts out quickly with his eyes shut, hands clenching at his wig. “She’s my girlfriend now.”

“Excuse me?!” Erik’s voice is high pitched with disbelief. “Who the fuck is Moira?” Erik demands to know, but Charles just shakes his head and look away. “Why her? Why choose her?”

“It’s not like that. I’m not choosing her over anybody. You were never an option.” Charles continues to speak quickly when Erik throws him a hurt look and opens his mouth to say something. “You’re my best friend and she’s- she’s nice and quiet. She doesn’t demand anything from me. She’s what I need now and I need you to be my friend.”

Charles can’t see the hurt look on Erik’s face, but can feel it in his thoughts and the way his body slumps against the other window. They sit in silence for a few minutes with Erik facing away and Charles trying not to read his thoughts, to give him privacy. Finally Erik speaks, “Go away, Charles.”

“What?” Charles feels panicked, this wasn’t how he imagined this scenario happening. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend.”

“You won’t, but I need you to go away.” Tears are evident in Erik’s voice as he speaks and Charles really has no choice. Charles opens the door, but before he leaves he takes the keys from the glove box explaining that Erik’s still drunk and he cares too much to let him drive home.

  
Instead of joining the party downstairs, Charles takes Moira and Hank to watch movies in Sean’s room. It isn’t until almost midnight that the party dies down and Moira feels comfortable enough to slip her hand into Charles’s own as they walk down the stairs.

Charles doesn’t see Erik sitting on the front porch along with Angel and Raven until they’ve already opened the loud screen door causing everybody stare up at them. Moira’s hand holds firmly onto Charles. Raven quickly looks away while Angel puts her arm around Erik’s back, his fin bent and hanging limply off.

Erik simply stares at them as they walk down to Charles’s car. Charles feels like he’s on trial for a crime he never committed. He wants to shout, “I’m doing this for us!” at Erik’s face. He wants to shake Erik into understanding, but instead he just drives away. He tries not to look back, but fails.

It isn’t until he’s heading home after dropping Moira off that he realizes he left Erik at Sean’s house with no ride home. Raven had sent him a text message saying Logan had kicked everybody out and Angel was going to stay over, but said nothing about Erik’s whereabouts. He knows Erik can fend for himself, but he has to know he’s okay after what happened. Charles doesn’t want somebody taking advantage of Erik and his drunken state. _“Like I did,”_ he thinks bitterly.

Charles arrives just in time to see Sean scrubbing eggs from the front porch and screen door. Erik’s truck hasn’t moved from where it’s parked.

“Where’s Erik?” Charles asks as he bounds up to the porch, feeling like the worst friend in the world. First he breaks his friend’s heart and then he takes his keys, stranding him with no ride.

“Left with some guy named JP.” Sean makes a lewd gesture with his fingers and tongue. Charles feels sick to his stomach. 


	8. Chapter 8

**  
**

Erik wakes up late the next morning with his head splitting and his mouth tasting like somebody had thrown up in it for him. His limbs are in better shape since he passed out on the couch with his arm behind his back and his legs over the backrest. When he finally makes it into the bathroom to vomit everything still remaining inside his stomach and looks up in the mirror he is shocked to see the hickey resting low on his neck.   
  
Erik forgot all about the boy he met after Charles left with Moira. Watching Charles walk away left Erik feeling like any minute he’d burst into a million pieces, inflicting pain on all those close to him. He wanted to rage against Charles, but instead as he walked away from the worried Raven and the pissed off Angel, he was cornered by a mysterious boy with brilliant blue eyes and floppy dark hair.   
  
Erik could tell by the way Jean-Paul watched his mouth as he told him to, “Fuck. Off” and the way Jean-Paul kept trying to touch his arm, his shoulder, or his back that he wanted him. Erik never had somebody flirt with him or make him feel wanted before. It excited him, made him feel alive and in control. He felt powerful.   
  
As Erik plunged his tongue into JP, turning him pliant and yet hard in all the right places, he forgot that those blue eyes didn’t belong to the one person who made him feel weak. He could pretend this boy was the one he wanted to impress and that he was impressed by Erik’s talented tongue as he became bolder. He could close his eyes and picture Charles boneless and wanting more instead of pulling away and saying they were never an option. Erik craves that power again and wants to flaunt it in front of Charles. He wants to show Charles that people find him appealing and attractive.   
  
Erik remembers them walking away from Sean’s house with his arm around JP’s shoulder, but the rest of the night is a mystery. Or it is until he ducks his head into the kitchen to see JP sitting at his table drinking orange juice. He can hear his phone vibrating in his jean pocket from the floor of the living room.   
  
“What are you doing?” Erik quickly asks, looking outside to make sure Nina hadn’t returned home just yet.   
  
“Waiting for you to come back to life!” JP is all smiles and shirtlessness. “You were dead to the world when I woke up an hour ago.”   
  
“You need to leave.” Erik traces the trail of scattered clothing from the front door to his bedroom, picking them all up quickly. “My aunt is coming home and you can’t be here.”   
  
“Still in the closet?” JP’s eyes are so fucking blue Erik wants to demand they stop. He isn’t allowed to have eyes that color or for them to look so understanding.   
  
“It doesn’t matter to you, does it?” Erik snaps back, suddenly feeling very upset and anxious. He throws the waded up pile of clothing at JP who spills his juice on the floor.   
  
“I’d like it to. I’ve watched you at school and you seem like you have a good heart,” JP’s voice is all soft as he pulls on his clothing. He has a slight French Canadian accent which is all  wrong .   
  
“Why? Still mooning over that other boy. Chuck?”   
  
“Charles.” Erik snaps out, correcting him. “You need to leave now.”   
  
“Can’t you give me a try? We seemed to work out quite well last night.” JP draws near to run his fingers across the hickey he left. “I could give you so much more.”   
  
“You were never an option,” Erik’s voice is cold and his expression tells JP that the discussion has ended. He quickly finishes getting dressed and rushes past Erik with a huff before slamming the front door, knocking the Halloween wreath from its hook.   


Erik isn’t expecting Nina to immediately tell something is wrong with Erik when she gets home later that morning. She takes one look at him slouched on the couch doing his homework on a Saturday before putting on her apron and whipping up his favorite pumpkin waffles.    
  
He also doesn’t expect Charles to show up when he’s in the middle of devouring his second stack and sitting next to him at the table like nothing happened.   
  
“Charles, would you please get him out of whatever funk he’s in now? I was hoping he’d be done with puberty by now,” Nina asks while she makes more waffles for Charles. She’s wearing a Thanksgiving inspired dress she made (printed with little Turkeys) and a small string of pearls. Erik knows she has more expensive pieces of jewelry given to her by Shaw, but she never takes it out of the safe-like jewelry box and only wears them whenever Shaw makes a fuss to see her decked out in diamonds. “He is acting like I did when I found out I’d never get to marry Elton John.”   
  
“Why would you want to marry Elton John?” Charles asks instead of ganging up on Erik.   
  
“Don’t ask such stupid questions, Charles!” Nina bats him on the head with a waffle that fell on the ground. “It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside,” Nina sings as she walks out of the kitchen in search of her record player.   
  
“Do you want me to go away?” Charles’s voice is quiet and he’s staring hard at his untouched waffles. Erik stuffs a huge forkful into his mouth so keep from having to answer right away. Eventually he shakes his head no, mouth still chewing. “You aren’t mad at me?” He sounds amazed and his voice cracks a bit. Erik only rolls his eyes.   
  
Erik feels foolish and stupid, but he isn’t angry anymore. That anger seemed to diminish as soon as he saw Charles with his hair sleepily ruffled and clothes disheveled like he just ran out of bed to see Erik. His shoes aren’t even matching.   
  
Charles heaves a deep sigh of relief at the roll of Erik’s eyes. He thinks if Erik had said no, and that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore, then Charles would have given up. He’d give in and allow Erik to kiss him like he did last night. He’d allow himself to turn into Sharon (who is currently painting all the rooms on her floor black) all because he wouldn’t want to carry on if Erik wasn’t his friend, if Erik hated him. He couldn’t bare it. He wouldn’t want to become great if Erik wasn’t there to look at him and see what he’s accomplished with a smile on his face. Charles hates how weak that sounds, but he’s never claimed to be a strong person.   
  
“I’m surprised you had to even ask me that question,” Erik finally speaks, taking a sip of his coffee to wash down his waffles. “Couldn’t you just,” he wiggles his fingers at his head. “Poke around?”   
  
“I didn’t want to assume- I mean, Raven hates it when I read her thoughts without permission. I’m currently banned from doing so, because I spied a rather disturbing daydream about her and Coach Fury,” Charles confesses sheepishly, loving how easy it is to talk to Erik after all that’s happened. He pokes at his waffles, moving them around with his fork and using the whipped topping to draw a face.   
  
“Don’t play with your food,” Erik reprimands absentmindedly batting his arm. “You don’t even need to ask for my permission, Charles. I have nothing to hide from you.” He’s turned towards Charles to look him in the eye, making sure he understands. “Do it,” Erik says wanting to see Charles’s reaction from what happened between him and JP last night.   
  
“You’re probably thinking about a naked Coach Fury,” Charles huffs out a laugh, drawing Erik’s attention to his mouth. He continues to stare as Charles licks his lips on impulse. “I’d rather pop in later to catch you off guard and see how  you  feel about Elton John.”   
  
“I’d like to think my tastes are more,” Erik trails off distracted by Charles who decided it was a good idea to lick the whipped topping off his fork.   
  
“Big breasted women?” Charles laughs at the thought of Erik drooling over Pamela Anderson.   
  
“Hardly.”    
  
  
School is drastically different now that Charles has openly claimed Moira as his girlfriend. He misses the heavy weight of Erik’s arm around his shoulder that is now completely absent since Charles has taken to holding hands with Moira to and from classes. Erik often disappears with classmates that Charles has never paid any attention to and had no idea Erik was friends with them. Strangely enough after leaving their group at lunch with a classmate Charles will often not see them again after that day.   
  
“Who are all these friends of yours, Erik?” Charles finally asked one day as they walked home.   
  
“I wouldn’t call them  friends .” Erik said with a smirk and made no move to explain further.   
  
Though they no longer hang around each other at school as often as they did before, they still see each other in small amounts and those moments are Charles’s favorite times of the day. Charles still studies on the bleachers as Erik runs around on the field playing soccer or running for track. Erik has obtained these rather hypnotizing veins that run down his lower stomach to disappear under his track pants that call out for Charles to gaze upon whenever he is without a shirt. They still wait around for each other to treck back home together, sometimes accompanied by Raven when she isn’t going over to Angel’s house.   
  
Charles still finds himself wanting to be around Erik even though there seems to be some cloud of awkwardness hanging around them still. Sometimes Erik will get quiet without any warning and Charles doesn’t know how to react, because Erik has never done that before without a reason. Charles is still resisting reading his mind. He’s afraid of what he’ll find.   
  
Erik has received his acceptance letter to Harvel University which is only three hours away and was his first choice. Charles has already received his letter in the mail a few days prior along with all the other letters accepting him into their schools. Moira had been trying to get him to attend college in California, but that isn’t a distance Charles is ready to put between himself and Erik as well as Raven being stuck at home alone.   
  
Charles took one look at the dorm rooms online and immediately knew he would have to live off campus and Erik inserted himself into that plan. Against both boys’ better judgment they have decided to live together in an apartment during their university years. Erik plans on using that time to show Charles how he can’t live without Erik by his side while Charles plans on cherishing those years in case they don’t make it through their education together.   
  
They take one weekend to drive around their college town to check out apartments they saw online. They spend the drive fighting over the radio station, Erik wanting to listen to AC/DC while Charles would rather listen to the news.   
  
“The news wants us to fear each other and you know what they say about fear, my friend.” Erik has to yell over You Shook Me All Night Long while trying to keep Charles’s hands away from the volume control.   
  
“What do they say?” Charles knows Erik is about to launch into one of his rants about the news trying to turn the public against each other to keep them tuning in and finding out what their rapist, racist, murderous, puppy killing neighbors are up to (Erik’s words not his).   
  
“That fear will turn into hatred,” Erik can practically hear Charles rolling his eyes, but continues on with his raving, knowing that it will keep Charles from turning the station which will only add fuel to Erik’s fire.   
  
  
  
They feel like Goldilocks as they look at apartment after apartment. One will be too small; one will be too large and though Charles finds no faults with the too large ones Erik tells him it’s too expensive. Some are too far away from campus and others are crawling with students. They finally settle on a three bedroom apartment and though the bedrooms are a bit small, the living room and kitchen are large and they’ll most likely spend all their time in those two rooms. They take an application to send in after high school ends since they only accept applications months in advance and set off back home.   
  
Charles decides that night he’ll start on breaking down the awkwardness between them with some good old fashioned comic book reading and chess playing, but as they pull into large driveway Moira steps forth from under a tree. Erik immediately stiffens beside him.   
  
“She probably just wants to borrow my study guide for her last final,” Charles tries to placate his friend before he bolts back to his house. “This won’t take long.” He smiles reassuringly and gets out the car.   
  
“I thought you’d be home by now,” Moira is holding a rather large picnic basket. “I planned a little picnic for us.” Charles can hear Erik slam his door.   
  
“See you later, dear.” Erik walks past them to head home. Charles wants to kick himself for not checking his phone and seeing all the voicemails Moira left him in her small voice. He could have told her tonight wasn’t a good night, but he was too wrapped up in Erik all day.   
  
  
The picnic Moira plans isn’t an outdoor picnic, but an indoor one, on Charles’s bed. Charles finds this extremely awkward especially as they try to balance the bottle of cider as Moira fidgets taking off her shoes and then working on Charles’s own.   
  
“I can do it,” Charles says as he makes to take them off himself. He isn’t used to Moira being physical with him. She is usually content to just hold hands and after months of dating they still haven’t kissed.   
  
“I want to make this good for you,” Moira’s voice trembles as she starts unbuttoning her cardigan.   
  
“What?” Charles is yet again confused by her behavior. “Are you hot, Moira?”   
  
“I thought since we’ll soon be on opposite sides of the country that,” she trails off looking away with blush staining her cheeks. “I want you to be my first.”   
  
“First what?” Charles’s face feels hot and his hands are sweaty.   
  
“Charles, you know what.” Moira still isn’t looking at him as she strips down to just her tank top, cardigan falling to the carpeted floor.   
  
“I thought you wanted to wait until marriage,” Charles tries to come up with reasons why her boyfriend would object when any other guy would be jumping at the chance.   
  
“I don’t believe in marriage.” She leans forward over the picnic splayed out on his comforter to try and kiss him, but ends up spilling the cider all over his pants and bed.   
  
“Shit!” Charles jumps off and away from the bed.   
  
“Just take them off,” Moira suggests shyly. Charles suddenly wonders if she had planned the cider to spill all along. His mind is jumping around looking for ways out, but settles on  “Do it.”   
  
Charles skims Moira’s mind to find her actually quietly eager and nervous. Mostly eager which shocks him more than anything. Losing his virginity should be a good thing any normal guy of his age would love to have happen. Charles is sure this has already happened to most boys of eighteen, but that doesn’t get rid of the sick feeling in his stomach. His mind recoils from Moira’s thoughts and instantly seek out the thoughts he feels most comfortable in, Erik’s.   
  
At first Charles thinks Erik is running because of his rapid breathing and jumbled chaos of thoughts. He’s in the park down the street, surrounded by trees and birdsong. Charles notices he’s off the walking trail and is pressed up against scratchy bark with somebody else’s hands pushing him back, he sees through Erik’s eyes as he looks down and locks eyes with bright blue eyes belong to a guy on his knees sucking him off. Charles pulls his mind away so fast he falls back against the dresser, clutching his head.   
  
“Are you okay?” Moira gets up from the bed and hurries to his side. Charles could tell the truth, but he’s always been a bit of a liar.   
  
“Yes, I’m fine.” He feels like his heart has been ripped out. He feels childish and wants revenge. “Okay, alright.” Charles looks up and kisses her quickly on the side of the mouth. “Fine, good. Yes. Okay.” Moira looks at him confusedly before he kisses her again, this time on the lips.   
  
Charles manages to each them both undressed and the bed clear of food and spilled cider. He finds himself hovering over Moira, weight rested on his knees between her own. He has no clue what to do from here.   
  
“What do we do now?” Charles asks looking down at her small breasts with no real affection for them.   
  
“Well, you know. Put  it in?” Moira gestures down to his flaccid penis. “Though it’s supposed to look different than that.” Charles looks up at her in shock. “I’ve seen it in books.”   
  
Charles knows he should be hard, but there’s nothing arousing for him happening right now. “Here,” Moira whispers as she wraps her hand around his penis gently. She’s too gentle and her hands are too soft and small. Charles knows something is seriously wrong with him.   
  
“Moira, stop.” He stills her hand in his own. “This isn’t going to work.”   
  
“I feel silly,” Moira falls back on the bed, biting her lip. Charles shushes her as he lies down on his side next to her.   
  
“It’s my fault.”   
  
“I shouldn’t have rushed you,” her voice cracks and tears are welling up in her eyes. “Sex should happen naturally. I’m sorry.” They don’t speak after that. Charles just covers them both up with his blankets and they stay like that, unmoving and silent until night falls. Moira has to be home before too long and Charles is left with his own thoughts and shortcomings. He expects he was never supposed to be with women and he can’t say he’s disappointed. Charles can’t picture himself with anybody let alone a woman, well perhaps with somebody but that isn’t an option anymore. 

It’s the last Friday before school ends the following Wednesday so the group decides to have one final pizza party for old time’s sake. Erik, Charles, and Hank are all going off to college while the rest have either one more year or several like Raven and Angel. Erik shows up late with his clothing disheveled, but Charles pretends it’s from quickly dressing after his workout and not because some stranger’s groping hands.   
  
They are all gathered around Sean’s living room when he throws out a shocking claim that Charles grabbed his ass when he almost tripped a few moments earlier.   
  
“You molested my bottom, Charles!” Sean’s squeaky voice seems to be forever changing. Charles covers his heart with his hand in pretend shock.   
  
“I would never molest you!” Charles pretends to think for a moment before adding, “Gently fondle maybe, but never molest. Unless you asked nicely.” He smirks over at Hank who is in the middle of choking on his drink, Raven patting his back gently.   
  
“Why is your voice like that? Stop trying to Jedi mind trick me!” Sean throws popcorn at Charles in self defense.   
  
“This isn’t my Jedi mind trick voice, this is my soothing voice. Are you soothed, Sean?” His voice is eerily calm and Erik chuckles next to him.   
  
“Go molest Erik instead!” Alex pipes up to defend his friend’s honor.   
  
The smile slips from Charles’s face easily without anybody noticing except Erik. “Erik is my best friend.” He says this as if this would end the conversation and their line of thought.   
  
“And he’d be more receptive to your advances since he seemed pretty molested last night by that dark haired fella!” Raven chimes in helpfully as Erik shoots her dangers, sinking down further into the floor.   
  
“What dark haired guy?” Charles’s voice is suddenly serious. “Who was molesting you, Erik?”   
  
“Oh you mean he was allowed to do something without consulting you first?” Raven’s voice isn’t joking either and sounds a bit bitter.   
  
“Raven, stop it.” All the laughter and smiles are completely gone from everyone in the room. Raven stares down at Hank’s knee in shame. This wasn’t the time or place for her to get upset with her foster cousin. She smiles brightly trying to bring back the fun atmosphere from moments before.   
  
“I think he even wiped his ass this morning without telling you! Mister you’re in trouble.” She grabbed Erik’s nose playfully making him bat it away poking himself in the eye and causing Alex to laugh loudly.   
  
“Shit, Charles you’re right. He’s falling apart without you.” Sean pushes Charles’s shoulder making him bump his friend.   
  
Hours later and after saying goodbye and goodnight to Raven who goes off with Angel, Charles still can’t get her comment out of his mind. Erik on the other hand just wants to be alone with Charles. They are walking home slowly and silently, Erik is calmed by their seemingly peaceful quietness, but Charles wants to ask before they part ways for the night.   
  
Finally Charles breaks the silence when they pause under a streetlight.   
  
“So who is this mysterious dark haired guy Raven was talking about?” Erik pauses to turn back and look at Charles, brow crinkled in confusion. He had completely forgotten about the comment Raven had made earlier that night.   
  
“Oh. Uh, nobody important.” He smiles thinking the subject has been dropped, but Charles move to start walking again. “Something wrong?”   
  
“It’s just, well. I. If you’re seeing somebody I’d like to be introduced. You know Moira.” Charles wants to know who this guy he saw inside Erik’s mind was and if he’ll be seeing more of him.   
  
“Oh god, of course I know Moira.” Erik rolls his eyes and starts walking away giving Charles no choice but to follow behind.   
  
“What’s wrong with Moira?” Charles feels he needs to defend her and show Erik that he can pick girlfriends correctly even if he can’t have sex with them.   
  
“Don’t play stupid, Charles. I know she’s your girlfriend, but I don’t have to like her.” Erik’s comment shuts Charles up and they walk in silence for a few more minutes until Charles just has to ask more obnoxious questions.   
  
“Are you being safe?”   
  
“What?” Erik spins around to face Charles so fast they end up running into each other. Charles having to take a step back and look away before explaining his worry.   
  
“Are you having safe sex?” His voice is so quiet Erik had to lean in to hear the last two words.   
  
“Yes.” Erik’s looking at him with something like shocked awe in his eyes. They don’t move a muscle as they stand there in the middle of a darkened cracked sidewalk, the sound of a few semis on the otherwise empty highway reminding them of dinosaurs, no other movement around except for their pounding chests. Erik’s breath is displacing the hair falling down on Charles’s forehead slightly, his own breathing directed towards the taller boy’s neck.   
  
“I hate sex,” Charles confesses quickly, feeling like he should be behind a partition with Erik wearing clerical clothing. Erik shakes his head and huffs out a laugh while turning around, breaking the spell.   
  
“No you don’t. You just aren’t doing it right.” He leaves Charles standing there dumbfounded before jogging to catch up.   
  
  
Charles doesn’t mean to knock over the vase as he gets home late that night, but Sharon moved it while he was out to block the door. She comes running into the room, eyes wild, hair in disarray, and wearing the clothes she hasn’t changed out of for a week.   
  
“Where the hell were you?” Sharon yells out, advancing quickly upon her son. If her words weren’t slurred and breath wreaking of alcohol he would have thought she actually was worried. “I’m out of my drink and nobody went to the store today!” Sharon pushes him roughly back against the door, a piece of curled glass from the vase cuts into his ankle from stepping on it.   
  
“They’ll go tomorrow.” He doesn’t try to force her back since that’ll only cause her to become more violent and enraged.   
  
“What am I supposed to drink until them, dammit!” She brings her hand back and slaps him across the face hard, skin immediately red and stinging from her rings. “What kind of boy have I raised?”   
  
Charles pulls his face out of her grasp and backs out the door again, running across the lawn, and ignoring her calls for him to come back. He doesn’t stop running until he’s reached Erik’s window. The curtains aren’t drawn and he can see Erik pulling off his shoes, getting ready for bed. Charles doesn’t even bother knocking as he opens it from the outside, sending Erik into a fit of hysterics.   
  
“Jesus, Charles!” Erik had thrown his shoe with his abilities towards the window, but missed Charles’s head. “What’s the matter with you? Don’t scare me like that.”   
  
Charles doesn’t reply or say anything, and slumps down on Erik’s bed. He wraps his arms around his friend’s middle, letting his warmth fill him up and the reassuring hands on his back take away the unsteady breathing. He allows Erik to pull him closer and listens to his mumbled soothing German relax his tense muscles and slow his frantic heart.   
  
“Sometimes I hate her.” Charles’s voice is garbled by Erik’s shirt halfway into his mouth. “And I feel awful for hating her.”   
  
“I know,” Erik’s voice is quiet and calm. Neither of them lets go until the morning light shines brightly into the small bedroom, waking them slowly.   
  
  
It’s finally the last day of high school, Erik and Charles had decided to stick it out until the very last day instead of skipping like most Seniors. Erik is actually excited about going off to college and that’s mostly because he’ll be living with Charles and Moira will be on the other side of the country. Erik can be very childish and selfish when it comes to Charles.   
  
The whole day is spent outside playing games and signing yearbooks. Charles is mostly lounging around his tree reading while a few of his classmates stop over for him to give out his standard yearbook writing of, “Good luck. Have fun, Charles!” Moira has been spending all her time with her math club and crying over leaving to California. Charles hates to say, but he’d rather have her cry on her friend’s shoulder instead of his own.   
  
“I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast! Charles, can you pop in and tell me?” Erik asks rather loudly as he jumps down next to him, head automatically resting on Charles’s shoulder. They spend the rest of the school day playing chess in the sun with Hank making comments about Erik’s lack of strategy and Charles’s sending his pawns off to an early death. Erik only leaves Charles’s side when it’s close to the bell ringing and Moira had finally extracted herself from her club to lean on Charles and sniffle wetly. When Erik shows back up when they’re about to walk home he smells odd and there’s strange red marks around his neck and jaw. Charles refrains from dipping inside his mind.   
  
  
Graduation comes and Charles has the audacity to be cheeky when first seeing Erik in his gown. “You’ve never looked more beautiful, darling.” He says with a snicker before Nina engulfs him in hugs and kisses, leaving sticky red lipstick all over his face with Shaw behind her trying to pry her off. He keeps wandering off to chat it up with other parents and pretending he doesn’t know the blubbering woman who keeps throwing herself at Charles and Erik.   
  
“My boys are so grownup!” Nina sobs after the ceremony is over and her arms are flung around both boys, who are quickly becoming men. “If only my sister was here to see how handsome you’ve become, Erik and to see how smart your friend is and how loving and kind and amazing and,” she starts to ramble and they tune her out once she unleashes her deathlike grip on their necks and Shaw herds her into his waiting limo. Erik worked his last weekend at Shaw’s grocery the Saturday before and he’s actually surprised at how much he’ll miss his co-workers. It’s been one of the many stable things in his life.    
  
Moira plans on leaving for California the day after Graduation, and leaving the state to visit relatives after the ceremony so Charles finds himself being held on tightly as she sobs into his shoulder. Charles had grown rather fond of Moira when she wasn’t trying to have sex with him. She was sweet and always had a strong opinion about something. She stood up for what she believed in and Charles liked that about her. He found himself actually glad knowing she’d call to let him know about her classes and looked forward to seeing her develop into a strong opinionated woman even though their romantic relationship would probably not survive long. He sees Erik in the distance going off to the bathroom being followed eagerly by a dark haired senior.   
  
  
  
“You’ll call if anything happens, right?” Charles is having a difficult time leaving Raven alone in the house, but she keeps reminding him that she has Raven, Alex, Sean, and this new boy named Armando to keep her safe and entertained. His car is quickly filling with his personal items and soon he’ll be off to his new apartment with Erik.   
  
“I’ll be going to college in a few years, myself!” Raven smiles reassuringly at Charles, trying to keep the tears at bay. She’ll really miss her stupid, oafish, brilliant cousin. “You make sure Erik stays out of trouble and don’t get any girls pregnant.”   
  
“Oh Erik will probably need to do all the worrying about getting women pregnant. I’ll never disappoint you when it comes to that.” Charles throws another box of books inside the trunk of his car, ignoring the stab of jealousy at Erik’s ease with his sexuality. He often parades around shirtless after his runs as if showing off his love bites to the world.   
  
“Erik? Getting women pregnant? You did not just say that.” She shakes her head sadly, hands coming up to rub at her eyes. “You two are such idiots. You can read minds, Charles. If only you could understand them.”   
  
“I often wish that for that ability.” He turns around to hug her once more, not wanting to let go. “Can’t I take you with me?” Her laugh turns into sniffling as she loses her battle with tears. Their embrace is soon interrupted by the crunch of Erik’s tires as he pulls his truck into the driveway.   
  
“Ready for this?” Erik yells over the sound of his engine.   
  
“Let’s find out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody recognize Jean-Paul aka JP? This fic is almost over folks. ;~; (but don't worry I'll be writing little one-shots for this verse FOREVER~)


	9. Chapter 9

Every day for the next three years, whenever Erik or Charles leaves their apartment they encounter the sign Nina had painted herself reminding them why they always come back. It’s a cheesy saying of “Home Is Where the Heart Is,” with tiny figures of Charles and Erik on either side and rattles whenever the door is slammed in haste. The sign was the first item to enter the house and the last thing they see before leaving. Erik treasures it the most, even more than their beyond comfortable couch or stove that he’s allowed to use. Once in Freshmen year, Charles was in such a hurry to get to class he slammed the door shut roughly causing the corner to crack off. Erik forced him to the hardware store when he came back exhausted to buy wood glue and fixed it immediately or Erik swore he would badger Charles to death.

Charles sometimes worries he’s become too comfortable living with Erik for the past couple years and how easily it was to forget all his problems at home. He misses being at home when he’s sitting in class surrounded by strange thoughts in odd voices banging against his skull. He’d rather listen to Erik’s voice talking softly in his head all day and night or Erik’s louder thoughts whenever he’s upset or excited.

Erik and Charles have settled into living together nicely with their own comfortable routine within the first few days of moving in. Erik is almost used to seeing Charles walking around in his too big pajamas that hang off his frame, almost calling for Erik to just pull off and kiss and bite and caress every inch of his pale skin. Charles in return has figured out how to school his expression into a neutral calmness whenever Erik comes back from his workout shirtless and sweaty, followed by strutting around in a towel still wet from the shower with his is hair hand brushed back off his forehead.

The routine for their Freshmen year starts on Saturday mornings (it was Erik’s horrible idea to have class on Saturday morning) when Charles barges into Erik’s room to wake him up. After missing his first class since even his loud alarm clock couldn't wake the slumbering student, Charles had begun to physically pull Erik by the ankle out of his twin bed and onto the floor. Thankfully the coffee is already brewing and toast ready to be inhaled to soften the blow of an early class. Erik doesn’t understand how Charles is always up and ready for the day at ungodly hours even with no class that day. Thankfully Erik learns from his mistakes and next year all his classes are during the week and aren’t at the crack of dawn.

They grocery shop together in the middle of the week which is a first for Charles who was raised with food magically appearing in the cabinets thanks to his cook. The first trip is spent with Charles filled with giddy excitement at pushing the shop cart all by himself while throwing in anything that might look good even if they don’t need it.

“This looks good it has a cute little cow on it! Look Erik, there’s a little cow on the package.”

Eventually Erik decides to play with him by using his abilities to ram the metal cart into shelves, causing all the employees and other customers to grimace at Charles as he runs after it before the display of Campbell soups go crashing to the floor.

Most week nights are spent with the two of them making dinner together, settling at their small table over burnt bread and crunchy pasta. Neither of them is familiar with a stove and their apartment didn’t come with a microwave so it takes both Charles and Erik to create something edible. They don’t complain since they always have a laugh throwing spaghetti at the ceiling and trying to get the strand to fall on the other’s head. Charles has completely banned anything remotely spicy from their apartment after an incident they both agreed to never speak about again.

Movie night is Thursday where they gather around the coffee table, which is usually stacked with homework and coffee cups (empty and full). They chat and watch movies as they work their way through their piles of assignments until early the next morning when Charles is always the first to fall asleep, slumped against Erik’s shoulder.

Friday nights is when Moira calls Charles and they talk on the phone for hours. It seems the distance between them have caused them to grow closer as friends instead of having that awkward physical contact that causes Charles to clam up. Erik always goes out on those nights. He spends them with some stranger that flushes so prettily, ramming themselves down on his cock, with thoughts of Charles dancing in his head. When he comes home smelling like sex and strange cologne Charles never fails to be splayed out on the couch waiting for him to return with the chess board set up. They never talk about where Erik goes and why.

One late night Charles can’t sleep knowing Erik isn’t home yet so he decides to try and make himself so tea only to find no milk.

 _“Erik, we’re out of milk.”_ He gets an interesting thought in his head that he hasn’t tried to do since they were kids and decides it would be a good idea to see how far he can broadcast his thoughts to wherever Erik happens to be. Charles brings a hand up to his temple and concentrates to open the mental connection to Erik’s unique mind that is usually simple when they’re in the same room. It takes a few moments to wade through all the other minds trying to get his attention before he locks on and feels the familiar murmur of Erik’s voice.

 _“Ah, fuck! Oh god yes.”_ Erik’s thoughts are frantic and slick with a frenzied pleasure, gushing in waves through Charles’s own mind causing him to fall back against the island in their kitchen.

 _“Erik?”_ Charles gasps out as he feels himself grow harder and harder listening to Erik’s orgasm rapidly build as he suddenly feels Charles’s presence inside his head.

 _“Ch-Arles, get out of my mind!”_ Erik half groans and half gasps out. Charles is surprised when he throws up a wall, pushing him out of his mind right when an image of himself naked and sweating flashes through him, leaving him breathless and slumped on the floor.

Charles doesn’t wait in the living room for Erik to get home that night. He sits on his bed with his door closed as he listens to Erik in the shower, an uneasy feeling coiled in his gut. When he wakes up in the morning there’s a gallon of milk in the refrigerator and a note attached telling Charles to just text him next time.

The holidays are usually the times when they feel the closest to each other. They either travel to visit Nina and Raven (Shaw is usually there in the background) or decorate their house and spend hours upon hours cleaning for company. Erik likes to pretend Charles is his as they clean the dishes together or as he listens to all the worries Charles has about impressing Nina. He wishes he could shush all his fears away with a kiss, but settles for a squeeze of the shoulder while tapping their foreheads together.

Their very first Hanukkah and Christmas together are spent at their apartment. Charles watches Erik light the menorah, his voice roughly saying the blessing as Charles quietly listens. They exchange tiny yet meaningful gifts afterwards each night and Erik tries his best to recreate latkes that Charles proclaims to be the best thing he’s ever eaten. Christmas arrives with Raven sleeping in Charles’s bed while he sleeps on the couch, Erik on the floor (he insisted to keep Charles company even though the floor was uncomfortable and cold).

Nina and Shaw arrive later that day to find Erik dressed up as Santa, Raven wearing the stolen white beard, and Charles wearing a Mrs. Clause apron trying to bake cookies. Charles feels sick thinking about winters in the future without Erik by his side, taste testing his cookies, making sure Charles’s scarf is wrapped tight, and always carrying an extra pair of gloves since Charles constantly forgets his own. He’s rather be driving around alone with Erik looking at the Christmas lights than at some fancy social event his parents used to get invited to, chattering about his father’s many accomplishments.

Sophomore Year

  
Things between Erik and Charles start to get rocky one Thursday during their second year of college. It was once again Charles’s turn to pick out a film for their weekly movie night so he was out browsing the comedy section at the movie rental. His phone starts vibrating in his pocket causing him to jump and shake a little shocked dance due to the phone and its closeness to his groin before pulling it out and seeing a text from Erik.

“Be home really late. Can’t tonite.” Charles frowns down at the phone, displeased. He had his heart set on watching Erik laugh so hard he cried which one of his favorite sights since nobody else has seen him in such a state. It’s almost a secret between them that Erik can actually laugh until tears fell and his face hurt.

“Cant wat? Evrytin k?” Charles isn’t adept at texting with only one hand while holding onto a number of DVDs in the other. He’s rented the movies along with buying a few sugary snacks before his phone vibrates again.

“Have plans. Mail on counter.” Charles is close to just calling Erik or trying to hone onto his mind and getting the real reason, but he’s still nursing a migraine from class and he’s promised Erik to never do that again without permission first. Neither of them have missed a movie night since they became a ritual and he gets worried wondering what’s really wrong with Erik.

Erik is long gone by the time Charles gets home and he sees a huge box from Moira with cutesy stickers and hearts all over the cardboard. The box contains little gifts and items she’s collected around California. Sand in a little vial, candies from her favorite sweetshop, and a copy of the short story she wrote featuring a blue eyed boy facing a harsh family life that makes Charles wonder how much Moira really knew about his mother.

Erik can’t stand any reminders of Charles preferring somebody else so when the mail lady dropped off the box he had to leave before Charles got the chance to riffle through and share his gifts with Erik. He couldn’t sit there another night of feeling so close to Charles and then realizing as they parted ways for the night how much distance really separates them. Erik doesn’t want there to be anything keeping them apart including significant others, bedrooms, or clothing. He does the only thing he can whenever those thoughts get too much for him and finds a random stranger to work his pent up desires out on. Afterwards he only feels guilt and shame.

“Where have you been?” Charles asks when Erik finally comes home at two in the morning, clothes messed and hair displaced. He doesn’t mean for it to come off sounding jealous and upset, but he is a little of both.

“Why don’t you read my mind and find out?” Erik is oozing discomfort and disgust at himself; he’s filled with shame and hurt feelings. Charles doesn’t dive inside his mind any further than reading the surface thoughts. He follows Erik throughout the apartment as he takes off his jacket and washes his face in the kitchen sink.

“Sex? That’s what this was all about?” Charles laugh sounds brittle and fake to his own ears. “Oh mighty Erik, your sex is like the angry fist of a god!” He pokes fun trying to get Erik to lighten up his mood.

“At least that’s what the fellas say,” Erik grumbles back half-heartedly, gurgling water to get the horrid taste out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant for Charles to see him like this and feels oddly like he’s committed adultery.

“What?” Charles looks at him strangely as he realizing something important about his closest and dearest friend. “You’re gay?” He sounds shocked which shocks Erik. Erik had thought the two times Charles had popped into his head while he was in a rather intimate moment was enough so the moment of coming out wouldn’t be necessary.

“And?” Erik shrugs his shoulder getting upset that Charles hadn’t even noticed his sexuality after all these years. Erik didn’t flaunt his sex life, but he was always going off with _guys_ and even had his tongue down Charles’s throat at one point. _“Too wrapped up in your own self to notice my love for cock?”_ Erik sends his thoughts over to Charles, something that doesn’t happen so often anymore.

“I thought you wanted a family!” Charles yells out like an accusation making Erik wince. “Remember? You were going to name them after your parents.” He’s crowding Erik at the sink making him feel trapped.

“You are my family, Charles. You, Nina, and Raven,” Erik says softly with his eyes darting away and shoulders slumped. His anger has left him feeling defeated.

“You don’t find women attractive at all?” Charles had always visualized Erik getting married to some woman who adored him and her having child after dark haired child. He can’t even process Erik having a boyfriend and settling down with a man, the image leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

Charles thought and had hoped it was simply (or not so simply) high school hormones when he saw Erik with that stranger in the park. Erik’s only reply to his question was a small shrug before leaving the kitchen and shutting his bedroom door softly, leaving Charles confused and upset, the apartment feeling unusually quiet. Erik wasn’t following the plan Charles had envisioned for him.

  
The next day when Moira calls Charles doesn’t start the conversation with a greeting, but with immediately going straight into what happened the previous night with Erik. He had trouble that night going to sleep with thoughts of Erik going on dates with men and kissing them and then things got awkward when he felt himself getting hard. Of course Charles doesn’t tell all the details to Moira.

“I just want him to have a family of his own and be happy. I don’t want him to be alone, but I don’t want him having a relationship with a man either.” Charles knows he’s ranting and sounding confusing, but he has to explain his feelings and doing that to Erik just doesn’t feel possible right now. He wouldn’t understand and Charles doesn’t want anymore hurt feeling in their apartment.

“Charles, gay men can have families too. My professor and his partner of fifteen years adopted three kids!” Her voice sounds reassuring, but the words aren’t helping calm Charles down. He doesn’t want Erik to adopt with some random guy he meets on the street. Charles wants him to fall in love with somebody that knows him inside and out. He feels jealous and confused and hates himself for even asking Erik’s sexual orientation. “Erik is a strong person and he’ll find happiness. It’s okay to be gay, Charles.” Moira laughs softly and Charles’s jaw tenses.

He doesn’t know it at the time, but on the other end of the phone the wheels in Moira’s mind starts turning and she starts remembering how protective and territorial not only Erik was but Charles too. She remembers how proud Charles looked whenever Erik threw his arm lazily about his shoulders or how Charles could never really pry his eyes away from Erik on the soccer field. He never actually seemed interested in the sport when Erik wasn’t playing.

“Charles?” Moira suddenly has a brilliant idea to find out what really is going on in New York between her “boyfriend” and Erik. “Do you know the rules of soccer?” She tries to sound nonchalant.

“Soccer? Moira, honestly? I can’t think straight let alone try and remember what rules that stupid sport has. I never cared for it, myself.” He sighed deeply as Moira almost groaned feeling stupid and blind. “Erik, though,” he trails off as if remembering some fond moment in the past. “He was so fast with that ball and fierce whenever on the field. It was like watching a dancer or an artist.”

“Charles, who do you see yourself with in the future?” She suddenly asks ripping the band-aid off and Charles from his daydreaming about the past.

“What? What is with all these changes in subject? Are you feeling alright?”

“Do you see yourself moving to California? There are some very lovely houses out here Charles, enough room for you and Raven. She’d love the ocean.” Moira softens her voice before adding, “Do you see yourself marrying me?”

“Moira,” Charles doesn’t know what to say without sounding selfish and hurting her feelings.

“I’m not actually asking you to marry me, Charles.” Moira laughs, trying to ease the tension. “But can you see yourself doing that?”

“I- I just don’t know.” Charles can’t imagine marrying anybody or moving away from New York. He’s sure there is a lot of opportunity out there for him and Raven would love surfing, but Erik isn’t there and it wouldn’t feel like home.

“That isn’t good enough for me, Charles.” Moira sighs heavily into the phone. “I feel like a fool.”

“I do care for you Moira an awful lot, but I don’t see myself being tied down before I’ve accomplished all the goals I’ve set for myself. I see a lot of working like a crazed person and going bald from all these stupid finals!” Charles feels frazzled from worrying about his relationship with Erik to worrying about letting Moira down.

“I could wait, but I need to know if you’d want to eventually marry me.” Moira waits for a reply from Charles who remains quiet. “I won’t demand an answer now since I’m sure your schoolwork is frying your brain, but I need one before we finish college.”

Charles agrees to give her question some thought and either let her go or make a serious commitment before college ends. He feels sick at already knowing what his answer is really going to be.

In the meantime the atmosphere in the apartment between Charles and Erik becomes tense or at least on Charles’s side. When Charles isn’t buried in a book at their school’s massive library he’s built up a fort in the living room, head down even after Erik comes home unusually early. Charles tries his best to completely wall off Erik’s mind and it feels like a stabbing pain whenever he’s reminded of the absent thoughts he’s used to hearing in his head.

Erik throws his messenger bag filled with heavy texts and notebooks on the coffee table, while falling down on the couch jostling Charles over. He looks over at Erik’s wet hair from the rain and tries his hardest not to reach out and brush it back. Lately whenever Erik is home at the same time Charles’s body is hyperaware of Erik’s the whole time, his skin itching to be touched by Erik’s fingers. He refuses to give in, because he prides himself on his restraint.

“Alright there, darling?” Erik asks him with a cheeky grin while taking out his books to settle in to study. Charles’s reply sounds a lot like an angry cub would make when poked so Erik bumps his shoulder with his own. Charles’s adorable scowl only brightens Erik’s smile which causes Charles to collect his schoolwork and leave the room, headed towards his bedroom. Erik had thought school was creating the distance between him and Charles, but now he isn’t so sure. He stops making an effort to spend alone time with Charles and feels like a knife has jabbed him in the ribs when Charles doesn’t say anything.

  
Two months later and their sophomore year ends with lonely nights, no friendly conversation, no giggling Charles, no movie nights, and no home cooked meals. Erik is close to driving them both insane so he decides to take the weekend to visit with Nina without telling Charles and when he enters his old home he finds Shaw sitting on a new sofa in the living room. He goes home Sunday night with plans to occupy Shaw and Nina to Germany next summer and visit his childhood town. It will be the first summer Charles and Erik spends apart since meeting. He hasn’t told Charles yet.

Erik spends most of his days talking to Nina and Raven instead of his own roommate and alleged best friend. His phone calls with Raven usually start out cheery with her asking about how many keg stands he’s done and the total number of professors he’s blown to achieve better grades (“Too many,” is Erik’s usual reply), but ends with them talking about Charles.

“How am I supposed to make him love me?” is the question Erik is constantly asking her and himself at night. He wants their easy relationship back and more, he wants so much more than Charles wants to give.

“He does love you; he just doesn’t want to love you.” Raven always sounds years beyond her actual age which she accounts to being in a long distance relationship as the cause.

“That’s worse.”

  


Junior Year

Raven starts college in the spring with Angel who Charles has helped get an apartment a few doors down from their own. Erik and Charles spend their whole summer helping them move in and dancing around each other with silted conversations and grunted greetings.

It’s around that time Erik turns twenty-one and instead of Raven’s insistence at having a huge drunken party (“You wouldn’t be allowed to go!” Charles had exclaimed as she told them her plans) he decides to have a nice and quiet dinner at Nina’s house. The day starts out okay with Charles actually making him breakfast that doesn’t consist of frozen waffles or pop-tarts and having small talk around the table. It’s continues to go well for Erik, but Charles isn’t so lucky.

His phone rings with the ID saying, “the mansion.” Charles doesn’t think anything of it as it’s probably the groundskeeper asking for permission or the cleaning service wanting instructions. Instead he hears the husky voice of his mother who currently in a sober state.

“Darling, the house is so empty today.” Charles can hear glasses clinking on granite and knows she is working on curing her sobriety. “You’ve left Mama all alone in this big house.”

“I’ve been gone for going on three years now, Mother.” He was in the middle of wrapping a beautifully crafted white gold watch for Erik which now lies forgotten on his bedspread.

“That long? It feels like just yesterday,” she pauses to take a sip from her crystal glass. “Why haven’t you visited?”

“I was there last week, but you were drunk.” He leans back against his headboard, closing his eyes to keep the room from spinning. He’s had conversations with his mother since starting college, but never when she was sober or aware of what was going on around her. He tried hiring a nurse to keep her company once a week, but Sharon had driven the woman out by throwing filled glasses of alcohol at her.

“I drink, because I’m alone,” her voice is quiet and sad. However she quickly cheers herself up with another gulp of brandy. “I’m going to die alone, you know.” She says cheerfully causing Charles to cover his mouth instead of allowing his mother to hear his shuddering breath.

“Don’t say that,” he tries to keep the pleading from his voice.

“I’ve known it since I married Kurt. The ones you love the most will always leave you, Charles. We all die alone in the end.”

Charles doesn’t make it to the birthday dinner.

Raven drives the slightly inebriated Erik home late that night, still clutching the half drunk wine bottle Shaw had insisted he wait a few years to open, given to him as an expensive birthday gift. Shaw stared with his mouth hanging open as the birthday boy downed half the thousand dollar bottle in one go, wine spilling onto his chin and dress shirt.

He burped before declaring, “The bottle’s pretty.” Erik had just received the message explaining Charles had plans and couldn’t be there that night. He had hoped their relationship was starting to repair itself.

“Happy Birthday to me!” He sings loudly as he walks down the small hallway to stand outside Charles’s door. “Char-les! Are you decent?” Erik goes to open his door, but finds it locked. Charles doesn’t make a move to get up and unlock it, he stays covered up in his bed with all the lights off pretending to sleep. “Charles?” Erik’s voice is quieter now. “Charles. I’d never do that to you on your own birthday.”

Charles shuts his eyes and keeps them shut, unwilling to let tears out as he feels Erik’s presence still outside his door, silently praying for Charles to open the door. He doesn’t and Erik goes to his own room to drink the rest of the bottle.

Charles leaves the present outside Erik’s door with the note, _“If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? - John Wooden. I have a big test this morning and needed the study time. Hope you had a blast. X Charles.”_

He tries after that awful night to be friendly and open to Erik, but withholding himself at the same time. Erik immediately notices what he’s doing and yet plays along, enjoying the little part of Charles he’s now allowed to have. Eventually time wears Erik down to the point where he’s tired of walking on eggshells, of Charles never staying around him too long, and he misses feeling him inside his head. Sometimes he lies in bed and concentrates on the small sliver of metal around Charles’s neck just to feel him close again, to feel him breathing gently, and pretend it’s his hand resting on his chest instead of the necklace.

School work gets in the way of winning Charles’s friendship back though, and before he knows it Charles is having his own birthday. Raven is actually allowed to plan his party this time but only because Charles doesn’t know she’s planning it. His birthday falls on a Tuesday and since none of their friends can make it to the party on a weekday she stalls it until the Friday after, leaving Erik to beg Raven to plan something private for the big day.

The summer is approaching and Erik can’t leave things between himself and Charles like the way they are before he leaves for Germany. Erik has planned a birthday dinner consisting all of Charles’s favorite foods, favorite movie, and even purchased a candle of Charles’s favorite scent. The last item he hides in his closet thinking Charles would imagine he’s trying to seduce him where he’s only trying to show Charles he’s still the same old Erik and the fact that he’s gay doesn’t change anything. If Erik fails then hopefully the distance between them will help, but he can’t help the panic that surges his body whenever he thinks of Charles pulling away from him. Raven thought it would be a good idea to be absent during the dinner as a belated birthday present to Erik who never got what he wanted which was his best friend being there on his special day.

Charles wakes up on his birthday by Raven jumping on his bed, throwing confetti in his eyes. Erik’s standing in the doorway with his party blowout irritating Charles’s headache.

“Happy Birthday, Charles!” Charles groans and pushes Raven off with a thump before curling up on his side to get back to sleep.

However, the confetti keeps him from sleeping longer and eventually he makes his way to the kitchen. Raven had hung up brightly colored balloons and an obnoxious looking banner while Erik made confetti pancakes and spiked his tea with rum.

“Oh god, Erik!” Charles coughs as he pats him roughly on the back.

“You’re a man now, Charles.” Erik laughs as he fetches him a bottle of water. “I’ve a surprise for you if you don’t mind coming home after your last class?” Erik asks while he has his back to Charles, keeping his nervousness hidden.

“It doesn’t involve more hidden alcohol or confetti to the eyes then I’ll be here.”

“He won’t be jumping out of any cakes, either!” Raven added as she sprayed a huge amount of whipped cream on top of the confetti pancakes. Charles smacked her hand when she reached for chocolate sprinkles and dug in before she could put anymore sugar on the poor soggy cakes.

“Pity, because everybody _should_ see me naked,” Erik said as he licked syrup from his fingers causing Charles to choke once more with a mouthful of food.

Charles tries to spend the rest of his day uninterrupted at the library, trying to fit in as much studying as possible. However, Sean and Alex have their own ideas and continue to text spam him all day, the phone vibrating loudly against the shiny wood table.

Later that day while Erik is furiously cooking and trying not to burn down the apartment, he is unaware that Charles is having his own panic attack outside the library. It had been a lovely day so far except for the rude morning confetti wake-up, but he enjoyed a nice birthday lunch at his favorite café with Raven behaving herself. He went back to the library afterwards and was on his way home with his phone rings once more, but this time it’s from Moira. It conversation starts out harmless with birthday wishes and asking about his day until the subject abruptly changes as he’s walking down the huge steps on his way home.

“You’d love California, Charles. If you moved out here I could take you to this restaurant which looks like a library and has named all their food after literary characters and their drinks after authors,” Moira doesn’t mean to cause alarm with her comment, but Charles stills his movement as he listens.

“Wouldn’t you rather move to New York again? I just can’t imagine leaving my whole life here.” He wants to say specifically Erik, but saying his whole life is close enough to explaining why he can’t leave. They haven’t been very close lately, but he’s still part of his family and their lives will always be entwined somehow. “I know you don’t like him, but I want Erik to be there for every big moment in my life. I can’t picture them without him.”

“I need to tell you something, but I want to let you know how important you are to me.” Moira sounds nervous and more quiet than usual. She’s been thinking about Erik and Charles a lot lately and has finally made up her mind regardless of how Charles would answer her big question. “I wasn’t planning on doing this on her birthday, but I’ve met someone and I think we should breakup.” The words come out in a rush leaving Charles stunned; this was not what he was expecting.

He was expecting Moira to always be there pulling him in one direction away from Erik and having to fight against her, but now he feels strangely free and terrified at the same time.

“His name is Steve and he’s really sweet, and honestly you could never love me like I need you to.” She can hear Charles about to deny her claim, but she interrupts before he can, “You already love Erik and I can’t get in between you two any longer.”

“What?” Charles sits down on the stone steps heavily feeling exhausted and bone weary. Students have to walk around him since his bag has fallen open with his books scattered around him. He feels lightheaded and there’s a sinking feeling deep down in his stomach.

“I want you to be happy,” Moira sounds like she’s crying quietly now and Charles digs the phone into his ear.

“I can’t or I’ll end up like my mother,” he chokes out feeling the tears wanting to fall and not allowing them to. “I can’t love him.” He drops the phone not able to stand it any longer and it clattered nosily to the concrete, snapping in half. Charles doesn’t know how long he sits there on the steps with his face in his hands. He thinks about his mother at home probably drunk and trying to destroy the house. He pictures himself in that empty mansion with alcohol as he’s only company with Erik off somewhere with mysterious men wearing strange cologne yelling at him to stay out of his head.

Charles then remembers a time when Kurt actually catered to his mother’s needs and tried making her happy even though his heart wasn’t behind it right before and right after they got married. He imagines having those short few months with Erik and wonders if that would be enough for the rest of his life, if he could carry on with only having such a short time with him. He’s honestly tired of fighting what he wants for so long. He decides right then and there that when love breaks him he’ll gladly jump into the fuzzy void of alcohol knowing he at least tried. The bright side is he won’t be able to have any kids to pass the genes along.

Charles heads straight for the local bar to kick off his destruction.

 

 

 

Erik is sitting at the kitchen table, cold food waiting in the oven with The Ink Spots, “If I Didn’t Care,” playing in the background. The balloons from earlier are dipping depressingly around the room, helium giving up. The frosted birthday cake is covered on the kitchen counter with the candles lying on the side untouched. Charles’s birthday present of Erik’s handmade The Thinker statue wearing a cardigan is still wrapped on the kitchen table.

It’s almost ten o’clock and Erik feels stupid for getting his hopes up. He thought they’d get this time to bond all over again and for Charles to realize what he’s been missing. Instead Erik will be leaving for Germany soon and when he gets back Charles will be that much further away from his grasp. He’s giving serious thought to letting go of the one person he feels like he’s been born to be with when the door bangs open roughly (Nina’s wooden sign falling down) and Charles stumbles through clumsily.

“Did you have fun, my darling?” Erik is surprised at how calm his voice sounds along with the way darling sounded like an insult. If Erik hadn’t felt betrayed and hurt he would find Charles’s flushed face and messed hair to be adorable, but it only aggravates him more, seeing something he can’t have.

“Talked with Moira and everything went downhill from there,” Charles words are slurred and his eyes are glassy and bloodshot. He lets out a detached laugh as he ambles towards where Erik is sitting at the kitchen table with his legs crossed.

 _“Fucking Moira,”_ Erik snarls in his mind as Charles falls onto the chair opposite him.

“No, indeed I’m not.” He shocks Erik by responding since it’s been such a long time Charles has been inside his head. The warm nudge in his mind makes him realize how much he’s missed it and craved for their shared connection. “She wants me to move to California and marry her!” Charles exclaims as if it’s funniest thing he’s heard while Erik’s whole body tenses up, the world seeming to stop around him and his entire focus on Charles’s disheveled being. Erik feels the urge to defend their own relationship, to give him reasons to stay. He wants to put up a fight, kicking and screaming until Charles walks down that aisle.

“Who is she, Charles?” His words are no longer calm, but fiercely spoken with his tone even and anger evident in his eyes. “Honestly compared to us and what we’ve been through together she is nothing. What does she give to you that I can’t? Why am I so inadequate?” Erik can’t stop the angry tears from falling as he stares into Charles’s unfocused eyes, panic making his heart race. Charles shakes his head in reply, looking away at the carpet.

Erik abruptly stands up, not able to bear looking at Charles anymore as his heart aches to grab him, knowing he’ll be rejected once again. He doesn’t look back as he storms into his room trying to get away. Charles follows him immediately, but stops at the rough sounds of Erik’s breathing.

“Erik, would you say we were like brothers?” There’s desperateness to Charles’s voice now which is strangely sober sounding, their eyes meet as Erik whips around. Erik thinks while Charles takes a step closer, as if his answer could change everything.

“No, I’ve never wanted to be your brother.” Erik’s voice is firm, but not hard. He feels like he’s finally pulling off a band-aid that’s been attached all his life, it’s painful, and the wound isn’t healed yet.

“You said we were family!” Charles cries back, tears falling down. He covers his face with his hands as his shoulder slump, looking how Erik feels inside, dejected and tired.

Erik grabs Charles’s hand with his left while taking his teary chin in the other hand, forcing their eyes to meet. “I want to be by your side always, but not as your brother.”

“What do you want from me? What would you have me do? Stay and go mad? Walk away?” Charles looks like a lost boy and Erik wants to gather him up in his arms, but he can’t hide his feelings anymore. He wants to expose them to Charles and find out whether he’ll run or not.

“No, Charles. No. I never want you to walk away from me. Don’t you understand? I don’t want a wife or a child. I just want you.” He wipes the tears from under Charles’s eyes as they stare at each other for a few moments before Charles pulls back.

“Fine!” He pushes Erik away to go over to dresser and for a moment Erik thinks Charles is about to walk out of his room and his life forever. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I give up,” he says with a sniff as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “You win. Do what you want with me.”

“What?” Erik is right before him instantly following Charles as he backs up to lean against the dresser, head bent down with his hair obscuring his eyes. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.” He crowds into Charles’s space making it so he’ll have to look up to meet Erik’s brightly alert eyes. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Just,” Charles starts as he looks up and realizes what he’s about to do. Erik’s heart seizes hoping the other doesn’t back down now. He feels so close and with one word everything could come crashing back down. “Just don’t,” he tries again and takes a deep breath.

 _“Anything.”_ Erik’s mind shouts at him with a feeling of warmth and love so strong he grabs at Erik’s upper arms to keep from falling sideways.

 _“Just don’t let me die alone.”_ Charles is too scared to say it out loud and once he lets it go into Erik’s mind he’s being wrapped in his friend’s arms and pulled towards his hard chest.

“We’ll never be alone again.” Erik breathes into his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “You won’t regret this.” Erik kisses the delicate flesh under Charles’s ear earning a soft moan and his fingers to dig further into Erik’s arms. Charles wants all of Erik and now, he’s wanted him since that moment by the water and he can’t wait any longer. He’s tired of doubting everything and tearing each other apart.

Charles wants to at least have the memory of being together with Erik before his life goes spiraling out of control.

 _“I want you.”_ Charles sends all his pent up arousal he’s collected over the years by seeing Erik walk around in a towel or hearing him on the cusp of orgasm, letting Erik know he was always desired. He’s been craving Erik’s touch for so long.

The knowledge startles Erik with the depth. He rewards Charles’s actions by biting at his lobe gently as one wandering hand grabs at Charles’s back pockets, bringing them flush together. Erik continues to kiss and lick the curl of Charles’s ear, erection growing as Charles grabs at him and gasps out beautiful sounds. Erik’s never heard something more arousing as the noises that escape a sexually excited Charles Xavier. “Kiss me already, Erik,” is the most beautiful, and his request is not ignored as Erik places a wetly open mouthed kiss on Charles’s jaw.

Charles’s mouth is open in a red and plush “O” trying to seek out the ever evading Erik as he leaves a trail of kisses all over Charles’s face and neck. Charles’s head is thrown back due to their height difference and his head is fuzzy with alcohol and the need to claim Erik’s tongue with his own.

“Look at you,” Erik whispers in awe, bringing a hand up to brush Charles’s smooth neck all the way up to thumb his bottom lip.

“Kiss me,” Charles gasps again as Erik places a soft kiss at the corner of his eye.

“I am, darling.” Charles can feel Erik smiling as he kisses his temple and hairline. “I’ve dreamed about this since I was a horny teenager, let me take my time.”

 _“Please.”_ Charles sends him into a frenzy with that one word bordering on begging. Erik smashes their lips together roughly before backing off, slowly licking his lips open and diving inside. Charles is rocking slowly against him so Erik mimics the movement of his hips with his tongue, in and out in and out.

Erik groans as Charles’s hands which were hanging on for dear life are now actively carding through his hair and pulling at the little strands near the base of his neck. Charles’s teeth are biting gently trying to keep Erik’s tongue inside his mouth. Erik steps forward bringing his thigh in between Charles’s own, allowing his muscled leg to rub against Charles’s erection giving him the friction he so desires.

“Wait,” Charles breaks his mouth away to cry out, wiggling in Erik’s grasp. Erik thinks he’s about to pull away and stop them all together, he immediately thinks about what he can do to convince him otherwise.

He pulls Charles higher up to wrap his legs around Erik’s lean torso, kissing him roughly so he makes his way to the tiny bed in the corner. “Erik!” Charles cries out in surprise as he’s dropped down, but Erik follows right along with him, kissing him quiet. One of Erik’s hands finds their way under Charles’s button up shirt to caress its way up the soft skin until thumbing his nipple, the image of Charles throwing his head back in pleasure is almost too much for Erik to handle. He pulls Charles’s shirt further up as their torso roll together in perfect sync until finally Erik throws the unwanted clothing to the side to stare down at Charles’s mussed hair and pale chest.

“Take yours off now,” Charles’s voice is quiet, but his eyes heavy with want and arousal. “Please,” he adds as his hand unconsciously goes down to palm at his jean clad cock. Erik swears silently as he tears his own shirt off and immediately goes to work on his own belt and jeans, Charles mimicking him until they’re both down to their underwear. Neither of them knows who moves first, but they both wrap their arms around each other removing all space between their erections and stomachs. They half moan, half groan in unison. “Erik, wait.” Charles tries interrupting again when they start rocking against each other.

Erik shushes him before pulling back and slipping his fingers under the elastic of Charles’s tighty whiteys. Charles doesn’t fight him and actually lifts his hips to help ease the parting of his underwear from his body. Erik may be biased, but Charles’s cock is the most beautiful he’s ever seen. It isn’t the biggest, but it’s long enough and slender and calls to his hand to stroke as if it was magnetic. He allows his hand the luxury to touch, and to skim his fingers down the length before closing his fist and stroking upwards. Erik watches Charles’s face the whole time.

Charles’s breathing speeds up as Erik presses their chests together for a closer look at the expressions flashing across his face.

“What were you saying?” Erik smiles as his fist pumps faster and adds a twist which causes Charles to cry out and twitch.

“Ngh,” Charles moans as he turns his face away with his eyes squeezed shut, arms clinging onto Erik’s shoulders. _“Fuck, Erik!”_ Charles loses control of his mind, letting his arousal and feelings flood into Erik, halting his movements as the pleasure engulfs him. Erik backs off to catch his breath and take in the sight laid out before him.

“I want you to fuck me,” Erik quickly takes his own black briefs off before straddling Charles’s waist again.

“What?” Charles could come by only hearing Erik request such a thing.

 _“I want you to fuck me.”_ Erik reaches over to rummage in his bedside table, Charles lightly kisses his chest when it gets closer, not realizing what Erik is requesting until he sees the small bottle. _“You’re going to love this.”_ He knows it might be too much to ask for since Charles is just now accepting the fact he gets turned on by Erik, but Erik needs this connection now and can’t wait anymore.

He’s only allowed one other person to do this and that was because of their uncanny resemblance to the one guy whose erection is currently nudging at his balls. Erik arches his back as he hovers over Charles; his eyes are currently glued to the movement of Erik’s arm behind him, preparing himself.

 _“You don’t have to do this, Erik.”_ Charles’s mind is a haze of lust. Erik doesn’t have to, but he’ll never forgive himself if he doesn’t right now. _“We could wait.”_ Erik is tired of waiting. He shakes his head before adding another finger, his thighs tightening around Charles’s waist. “Do you want me to?” Charles asks out loud as his hands soothe up and down Erik’s thighs, fingernails gentle against his skin. He takes his time adding a second finger, stretching himself.

“I’ve only done this once so just give me time,” Erik’s voice is breathy as his three fingers go in and out slowly, eyes closed.

“Do you want to switch places then?” Charles’s cock is leaking from just watching Erik prep himself and he doubts he’ll make it feel good for Erik before coming right away.

 _“Later.”_ He finally opens his eyes to lock on to Charles’s, moaning deeply as he removes his fingers. As Erik moves forwards Charles’s hands go straight to his arse, squeezing his cheeks as Erik lines them up and sinks down. Erik exhales loudly as if punched in the gut, not knowing he was even holding his breath. Charles’s thighs instantly go up wanting more of that delicious warmth and tightness, but he calms himself down. The pleasure that rackets up Charles’s spine is too much for the shields he’s been keeping up in his mind to give Erik privacy. All of Erik’s feelings and desires and pure lust rush out like water, flowing into Charles who has to bite down hard on his bottom lip to keep from moving.

 _“OhErikOhGodFuckYesOhGodPleaseCanI? I want to. Please.”_ Charles wants to desperately move, but doesn’t dare move a muscle until Erik’s ready.

Erik grabs blindly at one of Charles’s hands, bringing it up to his hold against his own jaw and squeeze tightly as he slowly raises himself up. Without asking permission as Erik slides back down roughly, Charles opens his mind to Erik for him to experience all the amazingly delicious pleasure Erik’s giving him. Erik’s slow movement falters as he doubles over, foreheads almost pressing together, allowing himself to feel what Charles is feeling. Erik feels himself moving around on his own cock, but it’s really what Charles is feeling. He’s overwhelmed and he wants more.

“I love you,” Erik whispers out, eyes finally open and boring into Charles’s brilliant blue. His declaration is met with loud gasping as Erik pulls himself up quickly.

Erik sits back up, and leans back to brace his arms on Charles’s legs. Charles’s eyes soak up the image of Erik’s lean form atop his cock, pulling up and grinding back down faster and faster, allowing his hands to run up and down Erik’s side and chest rapidly. Erik’s own erection bobbing around, dripping with precome before Charles takes it in hand to stroke in time with Erik’s pace.

He loses control quickly after Erik starts making little noises while squeezing his muscles around Charles’s cock. He pistons his hips up into Erik as he grinds down hard, a series of “Fuck me,” “I love you,” “Harder,” falling from Erik’s lips.

Erik can feel everything. He expects himself to burst into a million little pieces when he feels not only his own orgasm approaching, but Charles’s as well. Charles’s thrusts double in speed and Erik’s movements are erratic, building from their spines and whiting out everything as their orgasm finally takes them both over. Charles pumps Erik until he’s coming all over his chest while Charles bucks up into the heat of him.

“Fuck!” Erik hisses out, chest falling against Charles who bites his bottom lip hard and arches his back against Erik riding out their orgasms.

Time seems to slow as Erik slumps off to the side and Charles is sadly dislodged, but his leg remains thrown over Charles’s hip. They are both sweaty and twitchy as the aftershocks still course through their bodies, Erik feels them double as their connection is still open. He doesn’t care that Charles came inside of him and is now all over his thighs or that the mess will be awful to clean up. It doesn’t matter to him that he’ll be sore in the morning. Erik doesn’t want to move a muscle.

They remain silent, Erik breathing heavily onto Charles’s shoulder who turns his head to mouth at Erik’s hot forehead. The connection is slowly closed and Erik drifts off to sleep dreaming about doing that all over again in every room of their apartment.

  
Erik wakes up at an unknown time, but it feels ungodly early. The first thing that pops into his mind is Charles, who isn’t there. He’s surprised to find that the only evidence Charles ever was in his room are the underwear that’s still on his bedside table. Erik’s even more shocked to find the awful mess which he was dreading is cleaned.

It’s loud in the apartment thanks to the garbage truck outside, but Erik can hear Charles’s worried voice coming from the living room. He throws on clean clothes quickly before peeking out. Charles is wearing an oversized hoodie (one of Erik’s) and boxers while staring out the front window on the phone, too focused on his conversation to notice Erik walking behind him to the kitchen.

Thanks to the garbage truck Erik isn’t able to hear the whole conversation Charles is having in the living room as he stands looking inside the refrigerator. What he hears is, “…didn’t mean anything,” “going to move out,” “You mean so much to me, Moira,” “we are over then, I promise,” and right when Erik is about to come out and demand answers he hears, “I don’t love him.”

The apartment is drenched in silence as the truck finally drives away.

“I’ll talk to you soon. Please just think about what I’ve said. I don’t want to lose you, Moira,” Charles closes his phone once he hears her hang up. He turns around to see an empty kitchen.

Earlier that morning, Charles woke up before Erik so he took a quick shower. He felt guilty seeing Erik still messed so he took a warm washrag and did what he could so Erik wasn’t miserable upon waking. Charles was just making tea when he was raked with guilt about Moira. He didn’t want her to think he was using her all these years or that they were having a secret love affair behind her back. Last night was one of the best things to ever happen to Charles and he didn’t want anything ruining that for them. Not yet, they still had at least a few months before things fell apart.

“You could have told me before, Charles!” Moira had cried out feeling betrayed. She thought the two friends might have had feelings for each other, but for them to get together so soon after their breakup made her feel angry (though Steve might have something to say about that). “I feel like an idiot for not seeing this sooner.”

“Please don’t be upset, you aren’t an idiot. I didn’t allow myself to do anything before now.”

“And what changed?” Moira had demanded fiercely. “Getting dumped? Trying to have sex in high school? After you two had kissed at Halloween!” Charles had told her everything as she quietly listened, seething.

“I don’t want you to think you didn’t mean anything,” he had cried out trying to keep their friendship intact.

“Is he going to move out? I mean you two just started dating and now you’re living together! Do your parents know about this?”

“He isn’t going to move out! This just happened yesterday.” His teeth worry at the oversized hoodie’s sleeve that he had stolen from Erik’s closet, which still smelled of his now boyfriend (Charles felt stupidly giddy at calling him that but he was going to enjoy it while it last), he needed the reminder for dealing with an irate ex-girlfriend.

“It was all about him wasn’t it?” Moira had started to cry which tore at Charles’s heart.

“You mean so much to me, Moira.” He steeled himself for the backlash before continuing. “If you can’t accept my decision then we are over, I promise.” Charles checked his phone after a moment to make sure she hadn’t hung up on him. “Don’t be like this, please. I know I’ve messed up by not telling you about my feelings before, but I was scared!”

“Do you love him?” Moira had quietly asked.

“All my life I’ve been telling myself that I don’t love him, but that isn’t true.” Moira hadn’t hung up on him so he took that as a good sign.

After Moira remained silent for a few more moments they said goodbye for her to go deal with the situation on her own. Charles went to join Erik in his too small bed again, but instead of sleeping peacefully Erik was already dressed with a small bag which was probably filled with books.

“Don’t tell me you have class!” Charles dramatically slumped his shoulders with a frown, but Erik saw no humor in his actions.

Erik sidesteps Charles who tries to wrap his arms around his waist. Charles feels addicted to touching Erik now that he’s allowing himself and he wants to touch him as much as possible before he isn’t allowed to anymore (he knows nothing lasts forever). He follows Erik into the living room, watching as he stuffs his bag with papers on the coffee table.

“Maybe you should move to California.” Erik says with his back still turned, not allowing Charles to see the hurt and pain.

“You’d move way over there?” Charles asked curiously with a small smile, happy to be in their apartment alone with Erik and imagining them on the beach, Erik without a shirt and wet.

“No, I could never live where the seasons don’t change.” Erik scoffs while blocking out all of Charles’s attempts at reading his mind.

“Then why would I move there?” Charles tries meeting Erik’s eyes, but fails as Erik turns to stalk towards the kitchen, not able to look at Charles when he says what he’s going to say.

“Isn’t that what you want?” Erik’s fists bunch at his side, wanting to grab at Charles force him to see that Erik could give him so much more instead of Moira. “For me to give you up so you can go live with Moira?” Erik throws back his shoulders, trying his best to look threatening while not letting Charles get in his way as he zips his bag up roughly and heads towards the door.

Charles tries again to skim Erik’s mind, but that wall is firmly in place between them, blocking him out. He suddenly feels panicked and all the warm feelings he had earlier when looking at the sleeping Erik vanish as pure fear sets in. “Erik, why would I want that?”

“You don’t love me.” Erik shrugs helplessly as Charles is flashed back to Kurt arguing with his mother at dinner while Cain kicked him in the shins under the table, declaring that his mother didn’t love him while Sharon loudly denied those claims. He’s so shocked at what they’ve become so quickly he doesn’t respond. “Am I even your friend anymore?”

Erik makes his way to stand by the door, one small bag flung over his shoulder. Charles doesn’t understand how their relationship has changed so much since last night, he wants to go back and be wrapped in the safety of Erik’s arms, but he feels Erik would only push him away if he tried.

“Please don’t do this. We’ve only just started.” Charles doesn’t pretend his voice isn’t rough and tears aren’t obscuring his view as Erik opens the door, bright morning light burning his eyes.

“I’m going home,” Erik’s voice is firm and final making Charles want to lash out and cause him to feel everything he’s feeling.

“This is your home!”

Erik turns around abruptly, grabbing Charles’s by the arms painfully. “I can’t pretend anymore, Charles. I need you to tell me what I am to you. I need to hear you say it.” Erik shakes him slightly trying to force the words out. “I need you to love me.” He waits a few moments for Charles to say something, anything.

“I won’t become her!” Charles drops his head to bury his face in Erik’s shirt, tears leaving a wet spot when he’s pushed away.

“You’ll know where to find me.” The door doesn’t slam, the sign mocks him, and Charles has never felt more alone.

  
Four hours later Charles falls off the couch where he had sat after Erik left him. He was trying to sort through his thoughts and what life would be like without Erik when pure white hot anger engulfs his mind. Erik’s rage causes him to grab his head in his hands, pulling on his hair. Something is terribly wrong.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Erik drove as fast and recklessly as he could in his big rusty pickup truck and it still took him almost four hours until he saw his home, truck groaning at the speed (usually it takes around three hours in Charles’s shiny Mercedes). He refused to think about Charles and instead felt ease start to settle over him as he thought about his aunt baking him cookies to cheer him up and sleeping in his old bed, pretending to still be a young and naïve child.

He lets the screen door bang nosily behind him, setting his bag on the wobbly kitchen table that’s been there since he first moved in with its fake wood paneling peeling off. Charles’s old sweater from last year is still hanging up next to the door, pockets visibly stuffed with old tissues and cough drops. He can still remember how sick he had gotten, hearing Charles in the corner of his truck sneezing and coughing as they drove through the snow to exchange gifts with Nina.

“Nina?!” Erik yells out, needing comfort as he thinks about that being their last holiday together, and it will be if Charles doesn’t choose what he wants. If he does decide he wants Moira instead then Erik will kick and scream inside while calmly watching him walk out of his life. Who is he to stop him? “Nina?” He calls out again when he hears things falling in her tiny bathroom as he approaches the half open door. Erik tries to open the door wider, but it’s blocked by Nina herself who is slumped over the small sink and cabinet. “Are you-” he doesn’t finish the sentence when his aunt looks at him.

Nina has a bloody cut on her forehead and on her lip, and she’s holding her arm like it’s broken.

All the metal around them goes flying away except for the watch Charles gave him, which heats up, burning his wrist. He quickly goes over to her side, wrapping his arm firmly around her waist as she allows her full weight to rest against her nephew’s strong chest.

“What happened?” Erik gently brushes the curly hair that’s sticking to the still slightly wet blood on her forehead.

“He got so angry,” her voice sounds weak and brittle sending him into a rage once he realizes what she’s saying.

“Shaw?” He tries calming himself down; Nina needs him to fix her before he goes on a killing spree, but he can’t keep the fury, anger, pain, and betrayal from flowing off him in waves. Erik trusted Shaw to keep his aunt safe and instead he dares to harm her? Erik isn’t responsible for what happens the next time Shaw shows his face. He isn’t aware that three hours away in their apartment, Charles is trying to stop his nose from bleeding.

  
“Tell me everything that happened,” Erik tries not to sound demanding as he slides Nina’s tea over to her. Her face is freshly washed and her wrist is bandaged thanks to Erik. He tried talking her into going to the hospital, but she almost broke down in tears at the idea.

“I’m pregnant.” She takes a fortifying sip of tea before continuing, ignoring the shock on Erik’s face. “I’m not that old, libeling. Forty-four years young.” Her smile is sad and small.

“And he still did this to you?” Nina grabs Erik’s hand in hers to soothe her fingers over his knuckles. “How long have you known?”

“I’m three months along, but I went to the doctor yesterday to confirm.” She uses her free hand to wipe away the stray tears she refused to shed. “I thought he would be happy, but instead,” Nina trails off looking out the window at the trees. “He wants me to get rid of it and when I refused he confessed he’s married. Has been married this whole time and doesn’t want children. Sebastian threw money on the table for the _solution_ to my _problem_ and when he turned to leave I grabbed his arm.” Her eyes find Erik’s before continuing on. “He barely tapped my arm, but he sent me flying back, hitting my head on the coffee table. I’ve always thought he was so charming, but at that moment… he was terrifying.”

“He’ll never touch you again,” Erik’s voice is firm and final. He’s speaking the truth and wants to get rid of the terror Nina is feeling.

“I was so scared.” The tears get too much for Nina and she finally breaks down, crying into Erik’s strong forearm as he kisses the crown of her head, smoothing her hair down.

“I’ll take care of this, and then I’ll help you raise the baby.” Nina looks up at him when the tears finally stop. “We’ll be a family and I’ve always wanted a little cousin.” Erik tries to give her a reassuring smile and nudges the tea cup for her to take another sip, calming her nerves.

“I don’t want you to bloody your hands, Erik.” Nina swallows roughly, throat sore. “Where’s Charles? He’ll keep you out of trouble.” His name causes Erik to let down the wall he’s forgotten about constructing in his mind, seeking out the nudge of Charles’s thoughts in his own head.

 _“Erik?!”_ Charles is yelling inside his mind trying to get through while also trying to keep himself from vomiting as drives as fast as he can to Nina’s house where he felt all of Erik’s pain. He’s been trying to contact Erik, but after the blast of rage he hasn’t been able to keep his mind again. Cold dread has settled in his stomach.

Charles almost goes off the road when he feels the answering warmth of Erik’s mind allowing him inside to read his thoughts. He’s instantly speeds up to get to them in time. Erik’s thinking is dangerous and Charles has to be by his side.

  
Charles arrives right after Erik has put Nina in bed and marched out the front door to confront Shaw. He’s dressed in a black turtleneck and black jeans, truck keys in his hands.

“Erik!” Charles calls out as stumbles out of his car, trying to catch him before he gets to the rusty truck in front of the house.

“Don’t stand against me on this, Charles. I have to protect my family.” Erik reaches an arm out to halt Charles’s steps by his belt, reminding him of when they were teenagers and Cain was still beating down his door.

“I’m so sorry, Erik. I didn’t know he was capable of such a thing. His mind was always closed off, I just figured there were some I couldn’t crack.” Charles tries to fight against the pull to get to Erik before he slams the door in his face.

It’s Friday night and if Shaw is a creature of habit (which he is) he’ll be chatting out front the store, hamming it up with the locals. Driving the truck would only take him a few minutes to arrive at the small grocery store.

“Stay here and don’t follow me.” Erik finally pulls open the door with a rusty screech.

“This is what Shaw wants!” He yells out trying to get Erik to come back to him. “If you kill him.”

“Who said anything about killing?” Erik turns back with a dark gleam in his eyes. “I’m going to destroy him.” He sends Charles sprawling back on the grass with a flick of his wrist and unable to get back up again.

Charles refuses to be helpless as Erik goes off to confront Shaw, so he does what he can and seeks out Shaw’s oddly blocked off mind. He finds with age his powers have grown exceedingly and he is able to prod inside until he’s seeing through Shaw’s eyes as he talks with a teen girl about her softball game, staring at her low-cut top. Charles riffles through Shaw’s memories, finding his beautifully blonde wife, brightly red right hand man, and his amusement at Nina’s ridiculous idea of carrying his child. He stays unnoticed inside Shaw’s mind until he climbs into his expensive BMW and that’s when he sees Erik standing in at the corner of the street. Charles instantly shuts down Shaw’s functions after he steps on the gas pedal, racing down the main street.

Shaw is unable to think, move, speak, or use his mutant ability as Erik splays out his fingers at his side, tearing the tires off the car while flipping the vehicle upside down once. He doesn’t go for the killing blow, just leaves Shaw bloody and unconscious. Charles’s presence in his mind prevents Shaw from absorbing the impact and they both feel metal jam into his spin cord, leaving his legs useless. Erik leaves the scene pretending not to see what the small crowd outside the grocery witnessed, truck roaring away in the coming darkness. He is unaware of the gasping Charles sprawled across his yard, trying to breathe through the pain.

  
Before Charles leaves Shaw’s twisted and confused mind he places a block around the man’s powers (usually he’s doing the opposite with his own powers, trying to expand and broaden). He backs out slowly from Shaw’s mind just as the paramedics arrive on the scene. Charles is collapsed on the grass once more, but with no pull drawing him back keeping him grounded. The usual pain after overusing his powers isn’t there as he opens his eyes, nose dry and no blood running down. He would be feeling triumph if it wasn’t for the fact he just helped Erik destroy a man’s life. He’s terrified that Shaw’s associates will come demanding his powers to be returned, but that’s when the exhausted bone weary feeling sets in leaving him helpless on the living room couch.

  
Erik doesn’t go home until late that night, having driven around trying to clear his head before facing Nina and Charles. He needs a clear head to focus on supporting Nina and standing firm in front of Charles. He keeps the front door from banging shut, knowing Nina is still fast asleep from the bracelet she’s worn since Erik came to live with her (an old birthday present from his mother to her sister). Charles’s necklace is on the couch, slowly rising and falling with the movement of his steady breathing. He doesn’t wake him before heading to his small bedroom and lying on the covers with sleep evading him.

The next morning Charles is up and out of the house before everybody else has woken up, Erik finally went to sleep after listening to his mind restlessly worrying about backlash and Charles moving away. He wanted to reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere, but needs to take care of Shaw’s friends first.

Charles heads straight to the hospital, knowing Shaw has company by the feel of their minds, so clear now since that nagging headache isn’t there to hinder him. He feels powerful and unstoppable, he knows he won’t lose this battle.

He tricks the hospital staff into thinking he’s supposed to be there until he’s upon a private waiting room occupied by two people. Emma Shaw is arguing on the phone about a hospital transfer saying the current one isn’t up to her standards. The other is a brightly red skinned man with black hair. Charles could feel Emma trying to hold up the glamour of him appearing to be only tanned with no tail, but he quickly destroys the illusion causing them both to look sharply over at him.

“Who let you in here?” Emma demands clicking her phone shut.

“I let myself in here and I have something to show you. Something that will make all those regrettable plans running inside your mind seem highly unwise.” Charles lifts his hand up to touch his temple, sending memory upon memory he has of Shaw and Nina together forced into Emma’s mind.

Emma had no idea thanks to the weak mental block she herself placed inside Shaw’s mind about his affair or current child growing inside Nina’s belly.

 _“I think you should also know that if you try and harm anybody in my family that I will come back for you,”_ Charles sends images of her diamond form cracking and her associates turning on her thanks to his superior mind control. “Am I clear?”

“That fact that you’d think I’m that stupid to defend this asshole after all he’s done insults me, sugar.” She stands up, fixing her white cape around her shoulders. “Thankfully we’ve never had a prenup and I know a good attorney to get your dear Aunt her child support. I won’t let my ex-husband turn into a deadbeat dad like my own was.” Charles glimpses a sad blonde child alone in the world as her mother whored and her father drank.

“Thank you.” Charles tries to keep his voice firm and even. He looks over at the other man that’s been standing quietly in the room. “Nina still likes freshly cut flowers if you’re interested.” The man looks sharply up at him with bright eyes, hope and anger warring within him.

“Az, let’s go.” Emma snaps out, giving him her elbow, and they disappear in a puff of sulfur smelling smoke.  
 

  
Erik wakes up to Nina cooking breakfast with a false cheerfulness and an empty couch. He tries feeling out for Charles’s necklace, but it’s too far away. Regret overwhelms him with could’ves and should’ves. He should have woken up him last night, begging him to stay. He could have forced Charles to never leave his side with the force of his powers. Erik knows he would have ended up alone either way.

  
Charles doesn’t go to Erik’s after leaving the hospital and instead heads towards the empty looking mansion with its immaculate hedges and flowerbeds, looking as if someone actually loved the place instead of housing a mad woman.

“Charles!” Sharon bursts from the kitchen the moment he steps inside the door. “I saw your car and had hoped it was you.” She looks like she’s made an effort with her makeup, but there are bags under her eyes. Her clothes smell fresh and not like alcohol.

“You’re sober?” Charles sounds surprised which makes his mother laugh and caress his face.

“For now,” she laughs again lightly, shrugging her shoulders. “I feel like I needed a clear head to accomplish a few things before diving back inside the blissful unknowing of alcohol.” Charles raises his eyebrows, never hearing his mother talk like that before. “Oh darling, I’ve cocked things up, haven’t I?”

“Indeed.” Charles pulls her long nailed fingers from his face to look around the kitchen, eyes settling on paperwork on the counter. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve called my lawyer and changed the will,” she states offhandedly like she makes changes to it all the time. In reality Charles is surprised she knows how to work a phone or how to contact her lawyer.

“Why would you do that?” Charles is terrified of her giving away all her possessions to Cain and Kurt who are apparently living it up in London.

“You get everything.”

“You mean there was a time you had that changed?” Charles’s disbelief is evident and Sharon shrugs again, causing his jaw to clench.

“Kurt has a silver tongue,” she dismisses with a wave and a flick of her cigarette.

“I can’t believe you,” his voice rises as he thinks about all the things she’s done and imagines his dreams of taking over the Xavier fortune and turning everything around would never had come true. He had put up with her thinking she would never betray what was rightly his. “The one thing you could have given me and you’d have that absent husband take it instead?” Her jumbled mind is oozing calm and serenity as if she was expecting him to lose his temper and doesn’t care. “You’ve never loved me and I’ve never asked you to, but this house is mine! It’s my right as my father’s son. It was never yours to give away.”

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry,” she whispers trying to caress his cheek but her touch and apology is empty. Sharon can’t grasp how much losing the Xavier name would have meant to Charles. “I do things like this and that’s why I’m going to die alone.” She turns away from him and gracefully enters her parlor room, Charles following behind her. He doesn’t try to stop her from pouring a generous amount of brandy, taking a sip before turning towards him. “Please, help yourself.” She gestures to the wall of alcohol which only makes Charles feel sick to his stomach, thinking about getting drunk with his mother. “Don’t look so sour! You’d think that boy of yours would make sure you had a smile on your face at all times.”

“What boy?” Charles snaps out still wanting answers to why she’d take him out of her will.

“That boy that looks at you when he thinks nobody else is looking, whose eyes are glued to your every move. I’m an alcoholic, dear, not blind.” She smiles, but there’s a strange look in her eyes. “I’ve never had somebody look at me like that,” her voice sounds sad and quiet. “I was never loved in my whole life, but you…” She takes a gulp looking her son up and down. “You were loved by everyone that counts. You’re the complete opposite of me.”

“I thought it was genetic.” Charles stares right back at her, eyes feeling heavy and heart aching. He feels like he’s just run a marathon with no rest for years.

“No, my dear boy, you’ll die surrounded by those that love and cherish you. Your father loved you more than anyone in this world. Kurt couldn’t stand you for looking like the man he could never live up to. Cain hated how you took all his father’s attention. The nannies loved you. You were the teacher’s pet. I’m sorry for never giving you a chance. I couldn’t be around somebody so much better than I. You are loved so easily by everyone else.” She stops looking at him, choosing to stare down at her nails instead. “I could never figure out how you did it and it made me angry and spiteful.”

“If you let me I would have loved you,” Charles whispers glaring at the rug. All his problems stemmed from his mother’s insecurities, he had nothing to fear.

“Leave me alone now, Charlie. Mama’s tired.” He kisses her cheek before closing the parlor room and exiting the mansion, home of the saddest woman he’s ever met.  
 

  
Erik is hard at work on his truck when Charles approaches him from the woods. He can feel all the pieces of metal on Charles’s body, but he doesn’t turn around. Erik is expecting him to just stand by and talk, but instead Charles wraps his arms around Erik’s waist tightly from behind.

“Wha-”

“I want to show you something.” Charles breathes against his neck, causing a miniature earthquake all over Erik’s body. The tension in his shoulders that Erik’s been carrying around slowly eases away when Charles rubs them before stepping back. “Follow me.”

Erik shuts the hood loudly before falling Charles down the overgrown path towards the hideout, a little string of white lights surrounding the small opening. Charles has to dip down to enter the small building that they used to spend hours upon hours alone inside. Erik follows closely behind, eyes going wide at the display laid out in front of him.

Charles has placed a huge rug (another one stolen from his house) on the ground along with a mini picnic, candles in the middle, and comic books stacked to the side.

“Please, sit down.” Charles gestures to the cushioned floor as he himself sits, crossing his legs. Erik flops down, bent legs out in front of him with his arms around his knees. “I wanted to apologize for how I acted the other morning,” Charles voice is steady and he’s staring right at Erik, watching his expressions. “I thought I could go through life being alone. I honestly thought I had to, but I find I can't.” Erik cocks his eyebrow knowing how strong Charles is and finding his statement unlikely. Charles has no need for Erik. Charles doesn’t have to read his mind in order to gather what his expression means. "Well, I can, but I don't want to.” Erik smiles shyly and nods his head in understanding, not speaking. Charles reaches over to tap his raised knee. “I want to go through it with you and-and see you every morning next to me, and go to sleep exhausted beside you.”

Erik’s eyes widen slightly, smile dropping from his mouth to be replaced with disbelief and desire.

“I want to be alone with you, without all these distractions pulling us apart. I never want to be apart from you again. I know I said that I give up before, but that's not what is happening now. I'll never give up what I want and. And." Erik takes Charles’s hand that’s resting on his knee to pull him gently by the wrist closer to him, almost putting his foot in a small cake he had bought for dessert. Erik goes in to kiss Charles, but he stops him with hands on either side of Erik’s face. "Listen to me very carefully, my dearest friend: I want you. I love you."

Erik closes his eyes, lip quivering slightly before resting his forehead against Charles’s. He watches as tears start gathering at Erik’s closed eyelids, shushing him quietly before kissing his lips finally. This is everything that Erik has always wanted and everything that Charles has ever feared. They break apart when Charles pulls back, feeling a strong desire to explain _everything_ to Erik.

“I was afraid of loving you too much so I kept distancing myself. I only dated Moira, because she was the opposite of you and I could never love her.” Charles takes a deep breath and tilts his head back to look at the rusty ceiling before continuing on. “I’ve only known how my mother loves and I thought that was what everybody did. I thought you’d run away after you got tired of me and I’d end up drunk all the time. I know better now,” his voice breaks and he finally looks back at Erik. “My love for you is the dearest thing I’ve ever had and I won’t let anybody ruin that. We are stronger together than we are apart.”

Erik spreads his fingers on either side of Charles’s face, thumbs wiping away tears. “I love you.” Charles’s broken voice whispers before they kiss again.

“I’ve always loved you,” Erik’s voice rasps out in reply as their lips part. They continue to kiss gently and slowly, taking their time before Charles pulls back once more, digging into his pockets to find the small item he’s stashed there earlier.

“Make love to me,” Charles gasps out before his nerves get to him, shoving a small bottle of lubricant into Erik’s hand resting on his hip. Erik stares down at the little bottle before smashing his lips against Charles’s, causing him to tumble back and knock over the stack of comic books.

Erik doesn’t let up with the assault on Charles’s lips, licking them open and biting them gently before sucking away until Charles is writhing and wimping underneath him. He only pulls his mouth away to take off his own shirt along with Charles’s before kissing him again with their bare chests pressed together, but it’s not enough.

Charles is the one that snakes his hand down to start undoing their jeans, but Erik is the one that decides to take charge to pull Charles’s briefs and jeans off in one go. When he leans back down, Erik’s mouth latches onto Charles’s nipple instead of lips, biting and sucking causing Charles’s back to arch almost painfully up.

“Oh god, Erik. Please. I need more.” Charles’s voice is wrecked and when Erik looks up at his flushed face with his mouth hanging open he decides to show him something new.

The moment Erik’s tongue licks up the length of Charles’s cock he shoots up almost into a sitting position, cradling Erik’s head in his lap. _“Yes!”_

Erik’s hands come up to ease the writhing Charles back down against the cushion of comic books behind his head as his lips circle around the head and bob down slightly. _“So good.”_ Charles’s thoughts even sound out of breath with his eyes trained on Erik’s cheeks as they hollow out before he can’t take it anymore and he throws his head back. His hand comes up to touch gently at the side of Erik’s face, sending him all the feelings and sensations he’s experiencing while getting his dick sucked. Erik pulls away, Charles’s cock falling out of his mouth with a wet pop while trying desperately to keep from spilling in his jeans.

“Ch-Arles!” Erik moans, grabbing at Charles’s side, trying to even out his breathing. “You need to warn me next time.”

“I want you inside me,” Charles groans trying to pull him back down. Erik can’t help but stare at the nakedness below him, his face flushed along with his chest and reddened cock, dripping at the tip.

“Are you sure you want to do this here?” Erik asks as he absentmindedly rubs Charles’s naked thigh.

“We can do it again in your bedroom later, but I won’t be able to make it that far.” Charles opens his legs trying to get Erik’s hand to go back to his almost painful erection. His words finally register in Erik’s mind causing him to quickly take off his own jeans, throwing them somewhere in the corner over a bottle of wine, clinking against the wall sharply.

“I’ll make this so good for you, Charles.” Erik kisses him messily as he rearranges Charles’s legs wider and nudging up between them.

 _“I know you will.”_ Charles bites his bottom lip at the first touch of Erik’s lubed finger against his arse, he takes a deep breath when Erik pushes it finally inside, allowing Charles to get used to the feel of just one not moving. After awhile of Erik just staring at his face as Charles wiggles around, it gets a little annoying. _“Move!”_

Erik smiles showing all his teeth as he slowly moves his finger in and out, taking his time before adding another each time. After it seems like hours Erik has three fingers inside with Charles pushing back down, sweat plastering his bangs to his forehead, lips red and swollen from biting down hard.

“Now you,” Charles gasps out as he raises his hips trying to feel more, his legs are wrapped around Erik’s hips with the balls of his feet pushing into his arse trying to get him to rock forward.

“I love you.” Erik kisses him firmly as he slicks himself up quickly and scoots forward more, pushing gently inside. They groan in unison with both their backs arching. Charles doesn’t dive inside Erik’s mind to feel what he’s experiencing yet; he wants to drown in the feel of Erik moving inside him first. He never thought he’d enjoy it so much. Erik hovers over Charles’s lips, changing the angle of his first few thrusts.

“Uh!” Charles can’t hold back the myriad of noises bursting out of him with every thrust and snap of Erik’s hips. _“Faster, faster, Please please please god faster, Erik.”_

Erik obliges him, picking up the speed of his thrusts with Charles rocking right along with him, meeting him with every piston and shove of Erik’s hips. Charles’s fingers dig into Erik’s arse, biting at his neck and shoulder with his cock rubbing against their stomachs as they move together.

“God, I wish I had a camera.” Erik is propped up on his elbows on either side of Charles’s head, watching his face as pleasure wrecks havoc upon him.

“Maybe later,” Charles gasps pulling Erik’s head down for more kisses.

Erik feels his orgasm building and can’t stop his hips from pounding into Charles who grabs at the blankets underneath them and to Erik’s shoulder, finally giving in and allowing the connection to flow between them. Charles’s chest clinches at first when the feeling of how much Erik loves him comes through the strongest and then his cock jumps when he feels the pleasure Erik is experiencing. Erik’s hips jerk when the loop is complete with Charles’s own pleasure invading his mind.

“I’m going to come,” Erik warns, his words sending Charles into his own downfall with no hands touching him. Erik buries his face against Charles’s neck as he pumps faster and faster until finally blinding pleasure takes them both over, Charles’s arse clenching around him.

Erik tries not to collapse on top of him, but Charles won’t allow him to land anywhere else with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. _“You’re mine.”_ Erik thinks with a smirk and a sucking kiss to the side of Charles’s neck.

A few minutes pass with them just clutching at each other before Charles breaks the sound of their heavy breathing.

“I want to do it again,” Charles says even though his voice sounds sleepy and his eyes are closed.

“We will.” Erik feels ridiculously happy as he sides off to the side, pulling Charles closer to him so he can smooth his hair back from his damp forehead.

“When?” Charles mumbles before humming contentedly, feeling Erik’s fingers against his scalp.

“Later? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? The day after the day after tomorrow?” Erik laughs as he kisses Charles’s neck.

“All of those.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue coming soon.


	11. Epilogue

  


“Shut up and kiss me,” Erik demands to Charles as he hovers over the chess table, fire crackling beside them with snow falling outside. The fireplace was finished just in time for winter along with the new nursery addition. The seven of them have moved into the lake house almost six years ago, the new house stands in the place where their hideout used to be. Erik is still constantly adding or fixing something, trying to improve it for Charles. He’s taken up woodworking along with metal sculpting so he’s created almost all the deck and furniture inside the five bedroom house overlooking their lake.  
  
“I don’t kiss cheaters, Erik.” Charles leans further back in his chair avoiding Erik’s pursed lips, he does allow his hand to reach up and push back Erik’s hair, which is graying at the temples, out of his eyes.  
  
“The deal was a kiss if I win this round!” Erik sits back in his chair to throw a pawn at Charles’s chest, the hit barely noticeable thanks to his fluffy cardigan Nina knit him last winter.  
  
“You cheated.” Charles grins while taking off his glasses to place them on the table.  
  
“I. Did. Not. Cheat.”  
  
“You always cheat.” Charles sends him images of Erik down on his knees as he begged for permission to knock down a perfectly good wall. “Wanda, did your father cheat?” Charles directs his question towards the floor where his daughter is playing.  
  
“Yes, daddy.” The dark red-haired six year old obediently responds as she pulls the head off her Barbie to stick it on her Ken doll’s body, curly hair blocking Charles’s view of her sweetly innocent looking blue eyes.  
  
“Pietro, did I cheat?” Erik looks down at his own side towards their son gently playing with their silver colored kitten, Magneto X (or Princess McBitey if you asked Wanda).  
  
“I didn’t see anything, Papa.” His son turns his head upwards to smile at his father. Erik still remembers the day Charles and him were told that their surrogate was finally pregnant and they were going to be parents. It was the greatest day of his life and hopefully their adoption will finally be approved and another daughter will grace their lives.  
  
“Stop being a kiss ass, Petri!” Wanda throws Ken’s head at her twin brother which plonks him on the forehead.  
  
“Wanda Edie!” Before Charles can punish his smart-mouthed child, Zel comes bursting through the door dramatically.  
  
“Dad says Mama is coming home! Quick hide.” He blinks his eyes, turning off the lights in the room. Two minutes pass in not so silence since Petri is quietly whimpering due to the darkness while Erik holds and shushes him, quietly patting his back telling him about the party that’s planned.  
  
Finally the door opens to reveal Nina bundled up in a giant coat with Az by her side, holding her hand.  
  
“Happy Birthday!” They all shout in unison. Nina gasps and covers her mouth in surprise while Azazel kisses her cheek.  
  
“I love you, mama!” Zel comes up to take off his mother’s coat as well as his step-father’s, though he’s never called Az a step-anything. He’s been there since his mother was pregnant, showing up on her doorstep with chocolates and freshly cut flowers, and was the one holding him the day he was born. When they were married he was barely a month old dressed in a suit being carried around by a smiling Erik the whole day.  
  
“I’m so glad to be home!” Nina laughs as Az swings Wanda up for her to kiss Nina’s cheek.  
  
“Me next!” Pietro shouts from the ground before Nina obliges him by picking him up in a tight squeeze.  
  
Charles watches his family (minus Raven and her husband Hank who are honeymooning in France) a few feet away with a smile on his lips. Erik looks back at him and gestures for Charles to join them as they gather around the cake in the kitchen. It’s been fifteen years since Charles “wooed Erik” as Erik likes to claim. He hates to think what could have happened if he continued his life alone. This is the place where he’s supposed to be. Love has guided him, shaped him, and delivered him here. Charles wouldn’t have it any other way.  
  
“Daddy if you don’t come now we don’t get cake!” Pietro stomps his foot on the counter where he is most definitely not supposed to be.  
  
“Erik, get him down!” Erik waves his hand, picking his son up his metal belt to place him on the stool. “Don’t use your abilities on the children, please.”  
  
“Yes, dear.” Erik pretends to be browbeaten so Charles will kiss his cheek, which he does. “You kissed me!” Erik smiles cheekily. “Of course you couldn’t resist me.”  
  
“Never.”  
  


THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my wonderful beta, Madneto!

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Madneto (follow her on tumblr and read her Casanova fic!)


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